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Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

What’s in Your Refrigerator? Would You Pass the Test?

posted by Linda Mintle

Dr. Linda makes a visit to a parents home to check out what is in her refrigerator and pantry. Would you pass the 5.4.3.2.1 blast off to health? See how mom Julie does!

P.S. Someone needs to learn how to spell vegEtables!   CLICK on the PICTURE!

For more tips on Raising Healthy Kids, get Dr. Linda’s book, Raising Healthy Kids in an unhealthy world.

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4 Reasons Not To Avoid Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

I’m guessing that, “In this world, you will have trouble…” is not your favorite BIble verse to quote!

But it is true, with trouble comes conflict.  Conflict is always present in our relationships and many of us don’t like to deal with it. But here are 4 reasons you should not AVOID conflict:

1) Initially, avoiding conflict might lessen stress. This may be true for the moment, but when conflict is avoided it builds. The build-up of bad feelings can lead to resentment. Then the likelihood of an explosion increases and often results in hurtful ways of handling problems

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2) One study noted that while people feel better avoiding at the time of the conflict, they don’t feel better the next day. In the study, physical symptoms and negative well-being were higher the day after the conflict in conflict avoiders than in people who confronted problems.[1] In other words, the impact showed up after the fact.

3) Researchers at the University of Michigan looked at conflict as it relates to longevity of life. They concluded that people who deal with conflict live longer. Specifically, they observed that when both partners in a couple relationship felt unfairly attacked and suppressed their anger at the other, they died earlier than couples who communicated their anger.

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4) Another reason not to avoid conflict is that avoiding can lead to sudden eruptions due to a backlog of feelings that have been banked. I see this most often working with people with eating disorders. Other times, conflict simmers below the surface and leads to irritability.


[1] Birditt, K.S. (Oct 2010). Marital conflict behaviors and implications for divorce over 16 years. Journal of Marriage and Family. 72 (5), pp. 1188-1204

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Is Housework The Great Equalizer in Couples?

posted by Linda Mintle

Men, when was the last time you rolled up your sleeves and tackled the dishes?

Today’s modern family has women in the workplace and men much more involved in the home and parenting. This means men and women are figuring out how to divide the labor and conquer the household chores.

When it comes to marital satisfaction, at-home work seems to be a great equalizer. Husbands who pitch in and help around the house make their wives happy! That’s right, the quality of marriage is affected by men doing housework!

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The division of labor matters. Husbands don’t have to work with their wives to get things done at home, just take on some of the tasks (April 2013, Journal of Family Issues).  It’s not the togetherness of doing house work, but the fact that men are participating that makes a difference.

So men, pull out those culinary skills, clean a few toilets, and mop that floor…it just might improve your marriage! Your wives will be impressed and think you care.

And men, don’t worry, your leisure time is not at risk. According to Pew researchers, you might be spending more time at work than your female counterparts, doing more around the house, but you still have more leisure time than your wife. So no complaints. Doing housework can only help your marriage!

 

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Who is Really Feeling Stressed?

posted by Linda Mintle

The good news is that stress levels are down for most Americans. We must be doing something right when it comes to handling the opportunities to let stress get the best of us.

But one group is not doing so well–millennials (ages 18-33). According to a recent survey conducted by Harris Interactive for the American Psychological Association, millennials rank higher than the national average when it comes to feeling stress. The top stressors for this group (in order) are work, then money, relationships, the economy and family responsibilities.

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Why?

Maybe they are more open about how they feel than other groups.

Or it might be because they grew up with high expectations and were sheltered from difficulty in many cases.

Or as they enter the job market, they see the problems in the economy. Unemployment in this group is 13% and many have given up looking for work.

Or many face the debt of student loans and have little too invest in their financial future.

Whatever the case, a concern is that stress often manifests in depression and anxiety.

But more good news:

Unhealthy coping skills are on the decline–stress eating and alcohol use. Positive coping includes listening to music, walking or exercise, and spending time with friends. And many de-stress by playing video games and surfing the Internet.

 

For more help with Breaking Free from Stress, click here. 

 

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posted 7:00:10am May. 22, 2015 | read full post »

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posted 7:00:22am May. 20, 2015 | read full post »

Why You Shouldn't Withhold Sex in a Marriage
Aaron and Jill feels distant in their relationship. Because of the lack of closeness, their sex life has suffered. Aaron came to therapy wondering how to change this dynamic in their relationship. Sex is so important to a man’s emotional ...

posted 7:00:16am May. 18, 2015 | read full post »

Parenting: The Cost of Too High Expectations
Rita, like so many daughters, came to therapy because of a tense relationship with her parents. Rita feels her parents' expectations are too high and she can never measure up. Expectations, when too high or out of line with a child's true ...

posted 6:00:52am May. 13, 2015 | read full post »

Turning A Child Against a Parent
Jerry has no relationship with his children now that he and his wife are divorced. Prior to the divorce, Jerry was very involved in their lives. But the relationships took dramatic turns due to something called Parent Alienation Syndrome ...

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