Beliefnet
Doing Life Together

Couple Argument“We need to talk.”It might seem obvious, but people don’t do it. When you have a problem in your relationship, talk to the person in the relationship, not to your friends, family or others. Talk to the person in the relationship.

If you are bothered by something, say it. There is no other way to build trust and intimacy. Your relationship will not fix itself. Even though it may hurt to say the hard things, say them. Now, how you say the hard thing matters tremendously. It should not be done with criticism, defensiveness, contempt or anger. Instead, speak the truth in love -that is our directive.

Only through this type of vulnerability can your relationship become intimate.Talking about tough things, however, requires a level of trust. And if you don’t trust your partner, you haven’t really committed to the relationship in a way that says, we will do whatever it takes to grow our intimacy.

Perhaps you have heard the saying, if you can’t trust, perhaps you can’t be trusted. If you have done things to break trust, you must deal with those things first. This requires repentance to God and the person involved, a frank discussion about what led to the breaking of trust, and a plan to earn back that trust.

So it’s time to open up. If something is bothering you, talk about it. This shows your partner you are willing to be vulnerable and have nothing to hide. This will begin to heal a broken relationship and help your partner understand your insecurities.

Sometimes trust is broken because of unrealistic expectations that our partner isn’t meeting every need we have. And yet, we don’t share those needs. We don’t discuss what we want out of our relationship.

Determine what make you happy and then share that with your partner so he or she can do nice things and be a part of your happiness, as well as discuss the problems that come in a relationship. Become a happy and healthy individual and bring that person to the relationship. If you share intimacy through positive experiences and then talk out your problems, you build trust. So yes, we do need to talk, even when it is difficult.

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