Beliefnet
Doing Life Together

stressed momMary is very close to her mom. So close, she can’t make a decision without checking with mom first. In fact, she worries that if something happens to mom, she would not know how to function.

Is Mary’s tight relationship with her mom too much?

Yes. This closeness doesn’t push Mary to develop an individual sense of self apart from her mom. While it is important for Mary to have a strong connection to her mom,  she also needs separation. She is too fused with her mom.

Fusion is not the same as intimacy. It moves beyond a desire for intimacy and is an extreme desire for completeness. In other words, mom needs to complete the insecure parts of Mary. This creates an unhealthy dependence.

When you are fused or too close, you don’t trust your own thinking and allow others to think for you. The other person becomes responsible for your happiness. Too much closeness gives the other person power over your well-being.

Too much closeness can be emotional bondage. It prevents you from defining who you are apart from someone else. Fusion is based on the idea that someone else must complete you. No other person can do that. Only God can. His perfect love helps define who you are as a unique created person. Dependency on Him is the only healthy dependency.

So if you find yourself answering YES to these questions, work on  developing a better sense of self.

  • I can’t make a decision without first checking with another person
  • I  don’t know how I feel or think about specific things
  • I avoid tension for fear of how it will make another person feel
  • I am afraid to be on my own
  • I don’t speak out for fear of that others will think
  • I do what others say and regret it later
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