Beliefnet
Doing Life Together

couple unhappyYou are busy. I get that. Welcome to life!

When we are busy, sex can take a back seat and get lost in our everyday TO DO list.

Of course busyness isn’t the only reason why sex wanes in a marriage. Often busyness is a cover for deeper or life issues. Consider the following 10 reasons and decide if any of these could be impacting your sexual relationship:

1) Your hormone levels are out of balance.  An imbalance can cause a low sex drive. See a physician and get checked!

2)  You’ve recently had a baby. Most women do not have sex on their mind after delivering a baby. Libido wanes, you are exhausted, sore and overwhelmed for weeks and even months. It takes time to heal and adjust to a newborn.

3) You’ve gone through cancer or other serious medical treatment. Some people are very tired and lose interest in sex when fighting cancer or a serious illness. Body image can suffer as well. However, some people desire sex as a way to feel close to their partners, so it is important to talk about what the cancer is doing to you physically, mentally and relationally.

4) Your job is very stressful. Stress of any kind can shut down sexual feelings, especially when you feel something is out of your control. Work stress is one of those areas in which people feel a lack of control over their lives–too many demands, bad leadership, critical bosses, lack of resources, etc. can pile on stress and take a toll on your libido.

5) You are care taking aging parents. Care taking stress is well documented and often leaves people exhausted and out of touch with their own needs. The demands of others can push your needs to the bottom of the list.

6) You struggle with serious financial problems. Financial stress wears on a person and often results in feeling of worry. Worry can strangle the joy out of a relationship!

7)  You don’t trust your partner because of certain behaviors or past history. A lack of trust is an intimacy killer. If someone has betrayed you, you may be reluctant to be intimate.

8) You feel rejected by your partner. Rejection doesn’t lead to sexual closeness. It does the opposite. So the rejection must be addressed in order for a person to re-engage in a sexual relationship.

9) You are carrying around resentment and unforgiveness. Unforgiveness leads to bitterness. Bitterness leads to distance. If you want to turn things around, forgive to move forward sexually.

10) There is an absence of touch during nonsexual times. People want to be caressed and physically touched in nonsexual times so make an effort to touch as much and as often as possible.

If any of these reasons apply, attend to your sexual relationship. You may want to consult a sex therapist to turn things around. Ignoring sexual intimacy leads to lower satisfaction in marriage and usually means something deeper is going on in a couple’s relationship.

Don’t allow a long period of time to go by without having a sexual relationship. Talk, touch, flirt and make sex a priority. It helps a couple feel loved and connected.

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