Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


It’s Tax Day But How Is Your Emotional Bank Account Doing?

posted by Linda Mintle

2 happy coupleYes, today is tax day and many of you will make that last minute run for the post office before midnight! Why? Because you don’t want to be penalized by the federal government. But what about your emotional bank account?  Do you need to make more deposits when it comes to your relationships?

An emotional bank account has to do with how often you deposit positives into your relationships. Do you praise, show fondness and admiration to your partner, give complements, make gestures of affection, tell the person you love him/her, use words of encouragement, pay attention to his or her needs, etc.?

If you don’t make regular positive deposits, your emotional bank account can go into a negative balance.  When this happens, the negativity begins to tip the positive, causing you to start looking at your relationship in a negative way. In fact, we know from the research of John Gottman that couples who are doing well have a 5 to 1 positives to negatives ratio operating in their relationship.  Happy couples have 20 to 1 positives to negatives. Unhappy couples have .08 to 1 ratio of negates to positives.

So on this special tax day, get to the post office on time, but tell your loved one something positive along the way. Make sure you are making regular positive deposits into your intimate relationships. These will be absolutely necessary when problems erupt. An overall positive feeling about a relationship makes it easier to deal with problems.

You can’t stop the government from taking your tax dollars, but you can stop your relationship from being depleted. Make those emotional deposits every day and your emotional bank account will be full!



Previous Posts

Waiting: The Trying of Patience
Flying is no picnic these days. I dreaded the two-stop flight I recently took and for good reason. I was delayed on each leg. Fortunately, I had long lay overs and didn't miss connections, but several people on my flights did and found themselves waiting in airports for hours. What should have been

posted 7:27:31am Oct. 20, 2014 | read full post »

Loving Your Body, Imperfections and All!
Is it so difficult to accept the bodies we’ve been given, to celebrate them as uniquely designed by God and created in His image? Apparently. Loving, even liking, your body is a rare thing in today’s culture. It seems we all belong to the sisterhood of the dissatisfied traveling pants! If we

posted 6:00:33am Oct. 16, 2014 | read full post »

What Type of Decision Maker are You?
Last week, I was going out of town for the weekend. I spent hours going over my wardrobe choices. What if it rains, gets cold, I want something more formal, etc.? My husband opened his suitcase, threw in a few outfits and was done with it. No looking back, waffling or hanging in the air with poss

posted 6:00:55am Oct. 14, 2014 | read full post »

5 Coaching Tips to Improve Adult Mother-Daughter Relations
Mandy was at the end of her rope with her mom when she called me for coaching. Every conversation ended with frustration. Why couldn’t the two of them get along better? Why did her mom constantly criticize her and tell her what to do? But Mandy’s biggest concern was how could she handle her mom

posted 6:00:18am Oct. 13, 2014 | read full post »

Why Our Wants May Not Turn Out to Be Our Likes
When our first dog died, we thought we wanted another. We did, but when we got the dog and our schedules all demanded more time, the dog became more of an imposition. Don’t get me wrong, we love her to pieces, but sometimes our happiness goes out the window when we are all trying to figure out how

posted 6:00:09am Oct. 09, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.