Advertisement

Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Have You Found Your Soul Mate?

couple in lovePeople tell me in therapy that they have or want to find their soulmate.  I’m really not sure what that means. Murray’s new book, The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Getting Ahead defines  soulmate as your closest friend to whom you are sexually attracted.

I like this definition because of the importance it places on finding a friend, not just a lover. We know that relationships not built on a foundation of friendship have problems. If you marry only for passion and then realize you don’t like the person, the relationship is going to have major problems.

Advertisement

In a good relationship, you don’t have to be alike on all fronts, but you should like the personal habits of the other person. Jacques Barzun, cultural critic who died in 2012,  says that if you differ on areas of punctuality, orderliness and thriftiness, you are headed for trouble. Apparently, those areas just eat away at relationships. You know, the constant complaints of,  “She’s always late for dinner.” “He’s such a slob around the house.” “She spends too much on herself.” Yes, these are touch points for many people, but they are also criticism, a relationship killer.

Those three areas represent a deeper issue of not liking the person, because people who like someone and feel very positive about the person overall, can overlook a late comer or impulsive spender. There is too much positive in the relationship to make those things an issue. The positives are built on friendship–knowing, liking, and admiring the person. Without the friendship, you are easily annoyed.

Advertisement

So, to find your soulmate, ask yourself:

Is this person someone I would want to be with if there was no sexual attraction?

Do I feel better when I am with this person?

Do I  like his or her personality?

Do I have shared meaning with this person?

Am I  in spiritual unity with this person?

Can I create a life together with the same values and goals or am I constantly fighting about the deeper meaning of life?

Soulmates share your fundamental beliefs and values. Your desire to be with them is because of who they are.

If you don’t like the person you are dating, run for the hills. Don’t overlook his contentious nature, the out of control temper, her controlling personality, or her obsession with self. These are deal breakers when it comes to a soulmate. Look beyond attraction and liking someone to the deeper values and beliefs that are held.

Previous Posts

Bullying More Harmful Than Child Abuse
Jerry struggled with not wanting to go to school. His parents noticed how anxious he was and finally learned that a bully was making Jerry's life miserable. When Jerry reported this behavior to one of his teachers, the teacher downplayed the ...

posted 7:00:35am Aug. 04, 2015 | read full post »

5 Nonverbal Behaviors to Influence Others
Robert is at an  office party. He's been working hard and wants to win over his colleagues and make a good impression. He's wondering if there is anything he can do right now to win people over. Actually, there is, especially when it comes to ...

posted 7:00:50am Jul. 31, 2015 | read full post »

4 Strategies to Minimize Relationship Conflict
Five years ago, there was no conflict. Renee and Jerry decided to have children. At the time, both felt it was best for Renee to stay home with the children while Jerry worked outside the home. Recently, Renee was having a tough day, ...

posted 7:00:38am Jul. 29, 2015 | read full post »

Can You Think Away Chronic Pain?
Susan's leg injury was healed more than two months ago, so why is she still having chronic pain? Her family thinks it is all in her head, but is it? Her doctor can't find a reason for the pain and questioned her about stress in her life. Susan ...

posted 7:00:43am Jul. 27, 2015 | read full post »

Abortive Body Parts Only About Politics?
Like most of you, I was horrified to see the video of the Planned Parenthood women having wine and food  while discussing abortive body parts for sale. The lack of a moral compass should outrage all of us, but yesterday, as I  listened to ...

posted 7:51:16am Jul. 23, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.