Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


Shamed by a Secret? Let it Go!

posted by Linda Mintle

Do you have a secret? If so, you join more than 95% of people who do.

secretMost of us keep one fact or piece of information about ourselves from others. One reason for this is that secrets often involve shame. For example, when a secret involves infidelity, a teen pregnancy, an addiction or maybe a financial problem, we don’t like to admit to our wrongdoings and may also want to protect someone.

The problem with keeping a secret is that the one who keeps it is often stressed by it. And that stress does a number on the body.

Secrets also block your ability to build true intimacy. THey clutter your psychological landscape and interfere with building trust and intimacy in relationships.

So when you tell your secret, what is the best approach?

Even though it might be easier to hint at a problem or be indirect, don’t go the indirect route. Don’t tell a third party or create a hypothetical case.

Instead, stay calm. Begin by telling the person why you need to talk about this. Explain your motivation. Hopefully, it relates to building a relationship based on honesty. For example, “I don’t want you to find out this from someone else,” or “If I don’t tell you now, you might be more hurt later.”

Then, be direct. If the secret involves sin, wrongdoing, or bad judgment, confess and ask for forgiveness. Talk about your plan to repair the problem and offer solutions. If the secret is really difficult, you may want to go to a therapist and work through it with a third party.

Shame is not useful and keeps us stuck.

God doesn’t shame you. He wants you to feel conviction for sin, but not live in shame. If confession and repentance are needed, do both, but remember, Christ died to take away your shame. Nothing you have done will cause God to reject or abandon you. He loves you unconditionally and removes your sin once confessed. Shame is not on you, so don’t buy the lie! Let it go!



Previous Posts

Brangelina Married, But Why?
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally tied the knot. After nine years and six children, something prompted them to become a legitimately married couple. Only they know the real reason they waited so long. Perezhilton.com reported the marriage was to honor a promise Angelina made to her mom. Or was

posted 6:33:00pm Sep. 02, 2014 | read full post »

10 Ways to Respond to Someone Who Is Depressed
One good thing that came out of Robin William's death is that we are once again talking about depression. Depression can be a silent killer and still has a stigma despite the numbers of people who struggle with it in any give year. We don't like to talk about it, mostly because we don't know what to

posted 7:51:57am Aug. 30, 2014 | read full post »

The Real Reason We Yawn!
It's late afternoon. You are sitting in a meeting. Three people at the table yawn and you do the same. Are you bored? Tired? Or what? Need more coffee? Need more sleep? Or maybe you need a nice cool air-conditioned room! Even though we do yawn more when we are tired, tired may not be the re

posted 7:00:09am Aug. 27, 2014 | read full post »

Teacher Tells Student What Words She Cannot Say!
Some things defy common sense...here is one of them. Be ready to be outraged! Maybe you heard the story last week. High school senior Kendra Turner was suspended in Dyer County Tennessee for breaking a class rule. You might be thinking, "OK, teachers need to keep control of their classrooms."

posted 7:00:54am Aug. 25, 2014 | read full post »

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Split: Telling All May Have Been Too Much
The gossip train is all a buzz with what looks like a split between pop diva, Mariah Carey and her husband, America's Got Talent host, Nick Cannon. The usual suspects, TMZ, People, Hollywood Life and others are reporting the spilt, saying divorce is a done deal. The six-year marriage that produced

posted 7:51:12am Aug. 22, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.