Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


Are You in a Spending Competition for Your Kids During the Holidays?

posted by Linda Mintle
  1. child giftsI am divorced and think my ex spends way too much money on Christmas gifts for our two young kids. This is causing tension between us. It feels like a competition I can’t win. I find myself spending too much because I don’t want to look cheap. He has more money than I do. I think he buys the kids expensive gifts because he feels guilty for leaving. How do I get him to be more reasonable?

 

Getting along with an ex seems to require more intention during the holiday season. To deal with this issue, you need a no competition rule. Instead of trying to one up each other, focus more on how to make the time with the children meaningful and pleasant. Both of you must work together for the sake of the children instead of using them to make a point.

Meet your ex for coffee and talk about gift giving and see if you can work together on a gift list for the kids. If you can’t do this in person, then try email. If there is an expensive gift, then suggest going in on it together.  Don’t bring up other issues. Stay on point and try to coordinate the giving.

If he refuses to work with you, talk about the impact of this on the kids. Resist giving him counseling!

If he continues to buy the children’s affection, be careful not to say this to your children. Simply say, “Wow, really nice gift from daddy,” and drop it. The tension is created by your anger or upset for his lack of cooperation. You may be right about his motivation but to hang on to that resentment only hurts you.

So, present the issue to him, suggest ways to work together for the sake of the kids and see what he does. With or without his cooperation, you can let go of anger/resentment, release the tension and give it to God.

Spend only what is reasonable in your budget and don’t make it a competition. Sometimes when there is a tug of war, the best strategy is to drop the rope. And whatever you do, don’t involve your kids in this issue. Keep in mind that your children won’t remember who bought them the most stuff, but will remember who helped make the holidays a positive and memorable occasion.

 



Previous Posts

Should You Celebrate or Ignore Halloween?
A reader asked: My husband and I talked about it and decided we are not going to celebrate Halloween. Our child is three-years old and she really doesn’t know much about the holiday yet, but we do. I have been surprised at how many people, Christians included, have given us a hard time about ou

posted 6:00:51am Oct. 31, 2014 | read full post »

Can You Multi-Task If You Are A Digital Native?
Lately, we've heard a lot about people who think they can multitask but perform poorly. So parents all over America are turning off music and screens, telling their teens to focus on the single task of studying. Good idea, right? Maybe not for all teens. Two high school researchers put togethe

posted 6:00:05am Oct. 28, 2014 | read full post »

10 Ways to Recover and Respond to Angry Email
It happens to all of us. Someone sends an email that upsets us and we react by firing off an angry response. This impulse to react usually leads to regret and ends up damaging our relationships. So how do we respond to hurt, upset or accusation from an email? And what do we do if we react in a

posted 6:00:35am Oct. 27, 2014 | read full post »

Is Fear Stopping You From Taking Medications?
If you have ever seen a TV commercial for a specific drug, you probably wonder why anyone would ever take that drug. The speed reading list of possible side effects is enough to stop most of us from even considering that drug. But the FDA requires that ads list the possible side effects of a medicat

posted 6:00:50am Oct. 23, 2014 | read full post »

Could Watching Violence and Sex in Movies Affect Your Children?
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson are considered good parents. But are they too lenient when it comes to letting their children watch movies filled with sex and violence? A new study sheds light on why parents may be too lenient when it comes to allowing children to view sex and violence in films. The Annen

posted 6:00:06am Oct. 22, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.