Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


What Men Want That Women Don’t Understand

posted by Linda Mintle

couple“I’m in the middle of an emotional crisis here and you want sex?  Really?”

Yes really. The woman who uttered this during a therapy session did not understand her husband’s bid for emotional closeness. In the middle of emotional crises, men want sex. It is one way they connect emotionally.

Why? Isn’t this insensitive?

No, not when you understand the way men and women  think about sex relationally.

For men, sex is a way of showing affection. In his hormonal wiring, he is thinking, if we have sex, we’ll feel more connected and stress will be relieved. If we have sex, she will see how much I care. I can be close to her, reassure her.

While this is true for men, women think differently.

She is thinking: If he is attuned to my inner world, empathetic to my needs and tracking with me emotionally, I’ll want more sex. Right now, I have to pull myself out of this exhaustion to feel sexual. I need more warm up time and more anticipation.

Women lead with their feelings, men with their bodies.

Both want the same thing: Connection and intimacy: Men want women physically to feel connected and women want men emotionally in order to give them their bodies.

So next time that husband suggests sex as a way to deal with stress and feel closer, think about his motive and understand his heart. Then give your side of the story in terms of how you think. See what happens from there!

 



  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Robert Cordova

    what many men do not even understand about themselves is that when wanting sexual intimacy from their spouse especially during stressful times is APPROVAL. Due to whatever doubts about their abilities, providing, failing to lead, making mistakes financially and otherwise, men are asking for approval on a deep emotional level. That despite all the lack or apparent failures they have committed, they need to know that their wife still loves and approves of them.

Previous Posts

Could Watching Violence and Sex in Movies Affect Your Children?
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson are considered good parents. But are they too lenient when it comes to letting their children watch movies filled with sex and violence? A new study sheds light on why parents may be too lenient when it comes to allowing children to view sex and violence in films. The Anneb

posted 6:00:06am Oct. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Waiting: The Trying of Patience
Flying is no picnic these days. I dreaded the two-stop flight I recently took and for good reason. I was delayed on each leg. Fortunately, I had long lay overs and didn't miss connections, but several people on my flights did and found themselves waiting in airports for hours. What should have been

posted 7:27:31am Oct. 20, 2014 | read full post »

Loving Your Body, Imperfections and All!
Is it so difficult to accept the bodies we’ve been given, to celebrate them as uniquely designed by God and created in His image? Apparently. Loving, even liking, your body is a rare thing in today’s culture. It seems we all belong to the sisterhood of the dissatisfied traveling pants! If we

posted 6:00:33am Oct. 16, 2014 | read full post »

What Type of Decision Maker are You?
Last week, I was going out of town for the weekend. I spent hours going over my wardrobe choices. What if it rains, gets cold, I want something more formal, etc.? My husband opened his suitcase, threw in a few outfits and was done with it. No looking back, waffling or hanging in the air with poss

posted 6:00:55am Oct. 14, 2014 | read full post »

5 Coaching Tips to Improve Adult Mother-Daughter Relations
Mandy was at the end of her rope with her mom when she called me for coaching. Every conversation ended with frustration. Why couldn’t the two of them get along better? Why did her mom constantly criticize her and tell her what to do? But Mandy’s biggest concern was how could she handle her mom

posted 6:00:18am Oct. 13, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.