Doing Life Together

couple“I’m in the middle of an emotional crisis here and you want sex?  Really?”

Yes really. The woman who uttered this during a therapy session did not understand her husband’s bid for emotional closeness. In the middle of emotional crises, men want sex. It is one way they connect emotionally.

Why? Isn’t this insensitive?

No, not when you understand the way men and women  think about sex relationally.

For men, sex is a way of showing affection. In his hormonal wiring, he is thinking, if we have sex, we’ll feel more connected and stress will be relieved. If we have sex, she will see how much I care. I can be close to her, reassure her.

While this is true for men, women think differently.

She is thinking: If he is attuned to my inner world, empathetic to my needs and tracking with me emotionally, I’ll want more sex. Right now, I have to pull myself out of this exhaustion to feel sexual. I need more warm up time and more anticipation.

Women lead with their feelings, men with their bodies.

Both want the same thing: Connection and intimacy: Men want women physically to feel connected and women want men emotionally in order to give them their bodies.

So next time that husband suggests sex as a way to deal with stress and feel closer, think about his motive and understand his heart. Then give your side of the story in terms of how you think. See what happens from there!


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