Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


Divorce Proof Your Marriage

posted by Linda Mintle

Jack Hayford, gifted pastor, teacher and speaker, posed the question: “Do marriage vows matter?” It’s an important question that deserves more discussion. Hayford states that confronting the problem of divorce among Christians is not “a showdown between those who have failed and those who might criticize them–it’s a confrontation needed to face down a mind-set that, if left unchanged, will bring an onslaught of hellish delusions.”

The blur between secular and Christian views begins in the mind and heart. When we entertain the lies of our culture, we become disillusioned. Lies build on lies. They work on our feelings and eventually alter our relationships.Over time, we “fall out of love” and excuse those who do the same. This pattern of thinking and behavior is the subject of my book, I Married You, Not Your Family.

In my experience, most Christian divorces are not about abuse, repeated infidelity or abandonment. Christians divorce over solvable problems. Christian couples say: “We’ve grown apart. We’re not in love anymore.” Divorce becomes the solution to unhappiness or lost passion.

Marriage is no longer seen as a covenant but as a breakable contract. When the costs of marriage outweigh the rewards, divorce happens! The attitude is, “Time for a new partner who can better meet my needs and make me happy.”Happiness is the ultimate end–so underlying the marriage vows is the unstated escape clause, “I’m outta here if it doesn’t work out.” In short, postmodern followers of Jesus have ditched the concept of a marriage covenant for the secular view of a marital contract.

The pull of cultural deception is like an undertow. Many fight it for a while but ultimately succumb to its strength. The fight is against delusion. The problem with being deluded is that you rarely know when you are! If you believe marriage to be at best tenuous, divorce becomes a viable option. But believe the covenant to be sacred and honorable, and marital relationships will survive. Marriage will still have its unhappy times, but problems will be solvable, forgiveness will abound, godly obedience will be manifest and blessings will be restored when covenant is invoked.

In I Married You, Not Your Family, I identify 10 popular cultural lies Christians use to support divorce. The first lie is that marriage is a contract. Most Christians say, “No, it’s a covenant.” But their behavior doesn’t support their claim. Behavior follows belief. Too many react to marital difficulty by seeking an escape from their vows.

Reread the chronicles of the Old Testament kings. The Israelites endured king after king: Good kings. Bad kings. Kings whose behavior was despicable. But God in His mercy and grace maintained the covenant with His chosen people. His decision to do so was unconditional. Though He sometimes had to deal with His people’s behavior through judgment, He never opted out of the covenant.

What is the application to Christian marriage? We have entered into a holy covenant, before God, with another person: Good spouse. Bad spouse. Our mind-set should be “till death do us part,” not “till I’m unhappy.” Deal with the unhappiness but stay in the covenant. Without God, most marriages simply limp along. That is precisely why secular culture reframed the institution of marriage to make it more disposable.

As pastor Hayford reminds us, this mind-set leads to an onslaught of hellish delusions–more lies, more anguish and more breakup.



  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Carolyn

    I just bought this book, Linda!! I am looking forward to reading it on my Kindle!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment maryxiao

    Just wanted to share with you…My husband and I met on mySingleparentmatch.com. We started conversing in September of ’06 and finally met in November of ’06. We eloped in April of this year. We have 5 children between us and it gets real crazy sometimes, but that’s life! I just wanted to let you know how unbelievably happy we are and how great the last two years have been. If it wasn’t for the site, I would have never met my husband.

Previous Posts

10 Ways to Respond to Someone Who Is Depressed
One good thing that came out of Robin William's death is that we are once again talking about depression. Depression can be a silent killer and still has a stigma despite the numbers of people who struggle with it in any give year. We don't like to talk about it, mostly because we don't know what to

posted 7:51:57am Aug. 30, 2014 | read full post »

The Real Reason We Yawn!
It's late afternoon. You are sitting in a meeting. Three people at the table yawn and you do the same. Are you bored? Tired? Or what? Need more coffee? Need more sleep? Or maybe you need a nice cool air-conditioned room! Even though we do yawn more when we are tired, tired may not be the re

posted 7:00:09am Aug. 27, 2014 | read full post »

Teacher Tells Student What Words She Cannot Say!
Some things defy common sense...here is one of them. Be ready to be outraged! Maybe you heard the story last week. High school senior Kendra Turner was suspended in Dyer County Tennessee for breaking a class rule. You might be thinking, "OK, teachers need to keep control of their classrooms."

posted 7:00:54am Aug. 25, 2014 | read full post »

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Split: Telling All May Have Been Too Much
The gossip train is all a buzz with what looks like a split between pop diva, Mariah Carey and her husband, America's Got Talent host, Nick Cannon. The usual suspects, TMZ, People, Hollywood Life and others are reporting the spilt, saying divorce is a done deal. The six-year marriage that produced

posted 7:51:12am Aug. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Withholding Friendship as a Weapon
I'll never forget the day my five-year-old came home and said, "No one will play with 'Sandy' because she doesn't do what they say!" I was upset and thankfully, my daughter thought it was mean. But the other girls excluded little Sandy and rejected her from their friendship circle. Would you be

posted 7:00:24am Aug. 20, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.