Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


Does Your Relationship Pass an Easy Test?

posted by Linda Mintle

Years ago, martial researcher, John Gottman, discovered an easy marker for healthy relationships. It can provide you a quick assessment on how well you are doing with your partner.

The “test” is called the five-to-one rule. If it is operating in your relationship, then you are probably a stable couple. It not, you could be in trouble.

The five-to-one rule states that for every negative interaction during a conflict, there are five positive ones to counteract the negative. Couples who evidenced this 5:1 ratio of positive to negative were less likely to divorce then couples who had an 8:1 ratio. For example, Tim and Sheila argued over a parenting issue. Tim criticized his wife during the conflict, but there were five positive statements to counterbalance the criticism. Because of this positive to negative ratio (5 to 1), Tim and his wife’s relationship remain stable and conflict doesn’t escalate to a negative point. Couples who do not have this positive affect during conflict were more likely to divorce.

So imagine a researcher standing over your shoulder and counting the number of positives to negatives during your couple interactions. Would you pass the test?

 

For more help on divorce proofing your marriage, I Married You, Not Your Family and nine other relationship myths by Dr. Linda Mintle



Previous Posts

Why is There a War on Christianity?
Every time I turn on the news I hear about some group who is trying to strip God out of the culture. They don't want prayer in school, God on our money, the 10 commandments in court rooms, Christian clubs to meet on college campuses (but Sex week is fine), manager scenes on lawns, I could go on and

posted 7:00:44am Apr. 23, 2014 | read full post »

Have You Found Your Soul Mate?
People tell me in therapy that they have or want to find their soulmate.  I'm really not sure what that means. Murray's new book, The Curmudgeon's Guide to Getting Ahead defines  soulmate as your closest friend to whom you are sexually attracted. I like this definition because of the importanc

posted 7:00:17am Apr. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Should You Marry Young?
Friends of ours married off their son when he just turned 21. Another is getting married at 20 and hey, I was married at 19! Yes, I know, that is really young. But is marrying young a good idea? Well, for me it obviously worked. I'm about to celebrate 40 years of marriage this year. Yes, we ha

posted 7:00:59am Apr. 21, 2014 | read full post »

The Hope of the Resurrection
It’s Good Friday. Do you sometimes feel as if your life is lived  in a perpetual Good Friday mode? Like the movie, Ground Hog Day, it seems you are replaying the same bad day over and over, fighting despair and struggling. Disease, broken relationships, prodigal children...the landscape looks

posted 7:00:41am Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Honey, Do Your Know Where My Glasses Are?
It's a running joke in our house. Where are mom's glasses? Mom, that would be me, is constantly putting them down and forgetting where they are! I don't think it is an aging thing because the misplaced glasses have been misplaced for years. Oh and this happens to my cell phone on a regular basis

posted 7:00:14am Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.