Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


7 Anger Cool Downs to Practice and Use

posted by Linda Mintle

A few weeks ago, a fired worker unloaded his rage at his Minneapolis employer through a shooting spree that wounded two, killed six people and then shot himself. It appears that mental illness played a partial role, but what motivates a 36-year-old to get even by killing people who upset him? The answer is complicated but nothing justifies these actions.

Work environments can be places of stress for those who struggle to deal with anger in a reasonable manner. With today’s violent media modeling acts of horror in movies, the unbalanced person who has not developed good coping skills can act out a fantasy of getting even. But getting even is not an answer. People need to control their anger and learn how to manage it. Here are  seven cool down strategies taken from my small book on Breaking Free from Anger and Unforgiveness that has sold close to 100,000 copies.

1) Count to 10 or higher, deep breath and relax your body.  We are taught this as children and it works. Count to 10, breathing slowly and calming down your body. The key is to try and slow yourself down, relaxing the body.

2) Take a time-out. Get away from the situation but your self-talk matters during the time-out. You have to calm yourself, not rev yourself up with what may feel like an injustice. Self-talk like, “It will be OK. I can handle this. I need to be more forgiving. I am not a victim and can deal with this…” are the types of calming statement to tell yourself while you are in time-out.

3) Pray. When you are frustrated, angered, pray. Jesus was the brunt of injustice and knows that feeling. Take your anger and outrage to Him. He sympathizes with your plight. now, cast those cares on Him. Retaliation is not the Christian way.

4) Practice restraint. Don’t act impulsively or meditate on ways to get even. Be the bigger person and use restraint. The Holy Spirit in you, can calm you down if you submit to God.

5) Write a letter you do not send. If you need an outlet for rage, write a letter that you don’t send. It may help you release those feelings and is a safe way to vent. But venting anger, often gives rise to more.

6) Problem-solve in ways that are not hurtful. If you feel unfairly treated, misunderstood or victimized, think of ways to solve the problem without violence. Most times, you have options.

7) Minimize consumption of violent media. Violent media do contribute to our desensitization of violence and do increase aggression. If you struggle with anger impulses, be sensible and don’t consume media that feeds that struggle.



  • Linda Mintle

    This is a site on BeliefNet, written to a Christian audience who wants to integrate their faith with mental health. Sorry that offends you. This may not be the place for you.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment MY Name

    A good article, this one … but restricted exclusively to well-fed, satisfied CHRISTIANS only. Your discrimination is horrific and an absolute turn-off.

  • Pingback: 7 Anger Cool Downs to Practice and Use | Dr. Linda Mintle

Previous Posts

Teens and TV: Are They Overdoing It?
By now, most of you are aware that too much screen viewing for children and teens is linked to  elevated blood pressure, high cholesterol, lack of sleep, school problems, aggression, and being overweight. And we know that teen viewing habits often carry over to adult viewing habits. So how are

posted 7:00:54am Jul. 28, 2014 | read full post »

Body-Brain Connection: When Bigger Really is Better
"As your weight goes up, the size and function of your brain goes down." This, according to psychiatrist, Daniel Amen. It's true, smaller doesn't always mean better, especially when it comes to the size of your brain! Dr. Amen, author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Body, wants us all to get o

posted 9:27:01am Jul. 17, 2014 | read full post »

5 Proactive Steps to Get Rid of Job Worry
Downsizing, added work loads, difficult co-workers, budget cuts and poor leadership can cause even the calmest person to worry on the job. On way to deal with stress and job worries is to control the things you can and trust God for the rest. Here are 5 proactive steps you can take in order to g

posted 7:00:22am Jul. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Hair Raising: Kids Getting Bikini Waxes
When the New York Post reported that 14-year-old Glynis Coyne has been getting her legs waxed since she was eight years old, I just gasped. Apparently, I am not up on the trend--hair removal for prepubescent girls! Instead of a trip to the candy store, a growing number of moms choose spa visits. The

posted 7:00:32am Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

10 Reasons Couples Therapy Needs a Spiritual Base
Let's say your marriage is hurting and you know you need help. If you are a Christian couple, does it matter who you see and what approach the person uses to help you? Absolutely. So much of couples therapy is based on a secular humanistic approach and not on the truths of Christianity. Here i

posted 7:00:27am Jul. 11, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.