Advertisement

Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Will This Couple Divorce?

John and Ann are asked about the history of their relationship. They have nothing positive to say. In fact, all they can remember are the problems. For years, they have been unable to deal with conflict in a way that repairs problems thus, they are left with negativity about the relationship.

When John and Ann try to talk about a problem, it doesn’t go well. Ann usually comes on harsh with several statements of criticism. John becomes defensiveness and thinks about how much he doesn’t like Ann. Ann rolls her eyes and really believes John acts like a jerk and doesn’t care. John wants out of her sight. A defensive wall goes up between the two and neither talks it out.

Advertisement

Overwhelmed with negative feelings towards each other, neither looks to the other for emotional care. Instead, they grow apart. Trying to deal with Ann upsets John to the point that he feels it in his body. And Ann is convinced that someone else is better suited to meet her needs.

This couple is ripe for divorce: They don’t repair the damage they do to each other with their words and actions. They feel very negative about the relationships and can’t even discuss issues without arguing and name-calling. They are critical and defensive with each other and have put up emotional walls. And when couples get to this point, they usually call it quits.

But should they?

No, they should find a well-trained licensed marriage and family therapist and work to turn their relationships around. A couple therapist knows how to help.

Advertisement

But here is the kicker. They must be willing to work on the relationship. Without the commitment to work it out, they will simply become another statistics. And that is sad since we know how to help people like John and Ann fix their relationships.

Willingness to work on a relationship usually requires humility. Can you humble yourself enough to see your part of the problem, work on that and begin to repair the damage?

If so, repair can take place. But so many times, I have asked couples like John and Ann to work with me and they are unwilling to let down their guard and work it out. In those cases, not only will they divorce, but they will simply repeat their negative patterns with the next person.

  • http://www.youcansavethismarriage.com Kerry

    This marriage could well be saved, as most can be, if the partners have any desire to do so. It doesn’t sound like they’re even trying, and if they continue to avoid and abuse each other, all the counselors in the world aren’t going to be able to help them. Counseling is an effective tool provided that the couple goes into it willing to listen and cooperate. Without that, it’s just a waste of money.

  • http://solutions4marriageproblems.com/ Solutions 2 Marriage Problems

    For each marriage problem, there’s always a solution. Never let Divorce takes first place as a way out or solution for any marriage problem.Every married-couple can avoid divorce, as long as they have a willing search the best solutions. Find the best counsellor.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment nostic

    divorce? its bad kind of bussiness i guess .., i mean y ? Movies News divorce is it necessary ?

  • http://www.sewelllegaloffices.com Columbus Divorce Lawyer

    This is so true! Couples should not divorce when they unfinished “emotional business”. If they do they can end up living their lives with bitterness and anger. A qualified therapist can help them either work out their issues or move on.

  • Pingback: Will This Couple Divorce? | Dr. Linda Mintle

Previous Posts

Does More Exercise Mean Better Learning?
The push to academic learning at the expense of exercise has some parents concerned. Connie thinks her preschoolers academic learning doesn't include enough exercise. She decided to meet with her preschool's administration. The push for ...

posted 7:00:23am May. 27, 2015 | read full post »

Memorial Day: More Than a Backyard Cookout!
Memorial Day is more than a long weekend to play. Yes, it is a three day weekend and the grills are firing up. But it is a day we recognize those who have died while serving in our armed forces. Honestly, it's not a day of joy and fun for ...

posted 7:00:36am May. 25, 2015 | read full post »

Are Your Tweets Tied to Heart Disease?
#AngryInNYC Another stupid person runs in to me. Sorry doesn’t cut it. Look up from your phone you idiot. This is just one example of Sara’s tweets that regular fill her Twitter account. It doesn’t take much to anger Sara. If someone ...

posted 7:00:10am May. 22, 2015 | read full post »

What To Do When Anger is Triggered
Anger is triggered by expectations, perceptions, and things people say and do. These hot buttons are triggers that cause the feeling to rise. Knowing your hot buttons can prepare you for future conflicts. To deal with hot buttons, think ...

posted 7:00:22am May. 20, 2015 | read full post »

Why You Shouldn't Withhold Sex in a Marriage
Aaron and Jill feels distant in their relationship. Because of the lack of closeness, their sex life has suffered. Aaron came to therapy wondering how to change this dynamic in their relationship. Sex is so important to a man’s emotional ...

posted 7:00:16am May. 18, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.