Advertisement

Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Anger Expression: Helpful or Hurtful in Relationships?

Back in the 80s, marital therapists used to give angry couples nerf-like bats and tell them to go at each other. We also used to advise angry teens to hit their pillows or even purchase a punching bag and wail on that. While there was no physical danger to engaging people in these exercises, we now know that this is the opposite of what people should do. In fact, after reviews of numerous studies, the conclusion is that the expression of anger leads the angry person (and others) to feel more angry. In other words, catharsis doesn’t work. Letting out your angry actually increases anger in a relationship and is hurtful.

Anger expression can be helpful when it is done in a constructive manner. And one healthy way to approach your angry feelings in a relationship is to have a gentle start up. This keeps defensiveness down and allows the other person to hear you and respond.

Advertisement

So rather than venting those angry feelings by acting out the aggression and addressing a conflict in a harsh and angry manner, follow Proverbs 29:11–don’t give full vent to your anger. God knows this doesn’t work and so do relationship experts!

Control your tongue. Make the beginning of the confrontation, gentle and soft. “I have been feeling angry about something and want to talk it through with you,” for example. Pause, think and avoid reacting immediately. Exercise the fruit of the Spirit–self-control.

When anger is confronted with a soft start up, it is more likely the problem can be discussed and resolved.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Zazazu

    Спасибо! Это вдохновляет меня смотреть видеоблоги.

  • Linda Mintle

    Great thoughts!

  • http://www.prelationship.com Ken Brown

    I’m glad to hear that after all these years we have finally realized that catharsis doesn’t work. Over the years we have lost the art of self control and have become a generation that is unable to discipline themselves to keep their emotions and feeling in check. Many families have been ruined by individuals that are unable to control their anger and other emotions especially when it come to raising children. Child abuse was never so prevalent in the homes until parents lost their ability to control themselves. Our celebrities in the news have shown prime examples of people who are completely unable to control their anger, i.e. Chris Brown, Mel Gibson, etc. I think we need to focus more on the fruit of the spirit (self control) and less on the freedom of expression. Just my thoughts..

  • Pingback: Anger Expression: Helpful or Hurtful in Relationships? | Dr. Linda Mintle

Previous Posts

Why Sex is Not Always About the Sex
If you watch most television shows, you would think that the most important part of any relationship is sex! But when it comes to what matters most in a relationship, it's not the sex. And if we focus  only on sex, the relationship won't ...

posted 7:00:42am Aug. 28, 2015 | read full post »

National Dog Day: Take Your Canine to Work!
In honor of national dog day... I feel blessed that I get to take my dog to work every day. Zoe, pictured here, is the comfort dog for the medical school in which I work. Every morning she greets the students and helps reduce their stress. ...

posted 7:00:18am Aug. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Baby Names: Helping or Hurting Your Child?
When Shakespeare asked,  "What's in a name?" the answer is, more than you think. Many years ago, I worked in a very poor school district and noticed a number of the children had unusual names. The most unusual was a girl we called Phamalie ...

posted 7:00:52am Aug. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Angry? Do You Really Want to E-Vent?
John left the meeting frustrated, angry and ready to quit. He returned to his office and fired off an angry email. For the moment, he felt better, he got his anger off his chest. But did this behavior really help? Sarah returned from a ...

posted 7:00:43am Aug. 21, 2015 | read full post »

Picky Eaters May Have More Problems Than Food
Rena, a charming three-year-old, stares at the carrots, potatoes and chicken on her plate. She tells her mom she doesn't want any of it. No matter what is served, Rena wants to eat mac and cheese and hotdogs. Her mom is concerned about her ...

posted 8:20:22am Aug. 19, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.