Advertisement

Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Anger Expression: Helpful or Hurtful in Relationships?

Back in the 80s, marital therapists used to give angry couples nerf-like bats and tell them to go at each other. We also used to advise angry teens to hit their pillows or even purchase a punching bag and wail on that. While there was no physical danger to engaging people in these exercises, we now know that this is the opposite of what people should do. In fact, after reviews of numerous studies, the conclusion is that the expression of anger leads the angry person (and others) to feel more angry. In other words, catharsis doesn’t work. Letting out your angry actually increases anger in a relationship and is hurtful.

Anger expression can be helpful when it is done in a constructive manner. And one healthy way to approach your angry feelings in a relationship is to have a gentle start up. This keeps defensiveness down and allows the other person to hear you and respond.

Advertisement

So rather than venting those angry feelings by acting out the aggression and addressing a conflict in a harsh and angry manner, follow Proverbs 29:11–don’t give full vent to your anger. God knows this doesn’t work and so do relationship experts!

Control your tongue. Make the beginning of the confrontation, gentle and soft. “I have been feeling angry about something and want to talk it through with you,” for example. Pause, think and avoid reacting immediately. Exercise the fruit of the Spirit–self-control.

When anger is confronted with a soft start up, it is more likely the problem can be discussed and resolved.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Zazazu

    Спасибо! Это вдохновляет меня смотреть видеоблоги.

  • Linda Mintle

    Great thoughts!

  • http://www.prelationship.com Ken Brown

    I’m glad to hear that after all these years we have finally realized that catharsis doesn’t work. Over the years we have lost the art of self control and have become a generation that is unable to discipline themselves to keep their emotions and feeling in check. Many families have been ruined by individuals that are unable to control their anger and other emotions especially when it come to raising children. Child abuse was never so prevalent in the homes until parents lost their ability to control themselves. Our celebrities in the news have shown prime examples of people who are completely unable to control their anger, i.e. Chris Brown, Mel Gibson, etc. I think we need to focus more on the fruit of the spirit (self control) and less on the freedom of expression. Just my thoughts..

  • Pingback: Anger Expression: Helpful or Hurtful in Relationships? | Dr. Linda Mintle

Previous Posts

When Healing Doesn't Seem to Come
I'm often asked on the radio if I believe that God heals. Yes, I do. I've seen God heal in my own life and the lives of my clients. Let's keep in mind that God heals in many ways. Sometimes it is a supernatural touch, other times he uses doctors ...

posted 6:00:59am Apr. 24, 2015 | read full post »

5 Important Points When Dealing With a High Conflict Person
We all have that person in our lives that drives us crazy and personalizes conflict, making it difficult to handle. Here are five points to keep in mind when dealing with a high conflict person. Choose your battles. Since most ...

posted 6:00:25am Apr. 22, 2015 | read full post »

The Consequences of Holding a Grudge
A grudge involves holding resentment because of some real or imagined wrong. A grudge develops when you don’t like the way a conflict ended. Nursing a grudge can lead to revenge. Consider the story of John the Baptist in Mark 6 of the ...

posted 6:00:42am Apr. 20, 2015 | read full post »

Angry: 7 Steps to Regain Control
Anger is a powerful emotion that needs to be controlled. If you struggle with anger, consider these steps to regain control. Admit that you are out of control. While anger is a normal emotion and not a sin, anger expression can be sinful. If ...

posted 6:00:25am Apr. 17, 2015 | read full post »

The Secret To Building Persistence in Your Child
Persistence is a trait that most parents want to see developed in their children. We know from research that persistent children are less likely to be delinquent and more likely to be engaged in school. What parent wouldn’t want to build this ...

posted 6:00:44am Apr. 14, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.