Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


The Duggar’s Miscarriage: A Model of Grieving

posted by Linda Mintle

For those of you who may not know who the Duggars are, they are the family who currently has 19 children, all by natural birth, and have their own reality TV show on TLC, 19 Kids and Counting.

Recently, the mom, Michelle miscarried. The way they handled the miscarriage was considered “controversial” by some reporters.  Not by me. I was impressed having been through the experience myself and also having treated many couples who have experienced this loss.

Michelle and her husband Jim Bob posted photos on-line. One was of  Michelle’s hand hanging on to the tiny hand of her child who died. There was also an audio message stating how much the child was loved. It was tasteful and moving, especially the part where she says she will miss her child’s heart beat, a statement of the reality of pregnancy and loss.

Of course, the criticism rolls in. The main argument is that this private moment should not be made public. I’m sorry, but they are reality TV stars who had to acknowledge the loss in some public way. This was tasteful and a model for other families. The loss of life by miscarriage is often minimized and can result in couples being stuck in grieving.

Because a woman is pregnant, her body has changed to accommodate that pregnancy. When miscarriage occurs, the physical, hormonal, emotional, relationship and spiritual experience is intense. Grieving the loss is a necessary step to move forward. Yet,  I have counseled many couples who do not know how to handle the experience and grieve the loss. This can lead to depression and couple problems. With miscarriage, grieving is necessary. Part of mourning process may include some type of ritual like a ceremony, letter to the child, or photo (like the Duggars did).

Whether you agree with the Duggar’s  Christian faith and decision to have 19 children is not the issue here. This family grieved well. They involved their children in the process and handled their grief in a healthy way. My hope is that this will serve as a model for others. The public nature of this gives permission to other couples to openly grieve and acknowledge the loss of a baby. And that is a good use of reality TV stardom.



  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Sharon M.

    When babies are killed bec. of inconvenience (abortion on demand)of course pics of pre-born showing their humanity is controversial! It puts in the public’s face just what a pre-born human is, a person not a thing, or just a group of cells, but rather a unique human being. If you believe things happen for some reason, I believe this couple was chosen (and they in turn chose to do so) to show others the great love G-d has for all of us, and that ALL children are a gift from Him.

  • Pingback: The Duggar’s Miscarriage: A Model of Grieving | Dr. Linda Mintle

Previous Posts

What is Bipolar Depression?
When academy award winning actress, Catherine Zeta-Jones announced that she suffered from Bipolar II Disorder and checked into a mental health facility for a brief stay in 2011, it made celebrity news. People wondered. What is Bipolar Disorder and how does that differ from depression? The Nat

posted 6:00:15am Sep. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Adrian Peterson: When Does Spanking Become Abuse?
This week has been filled with reports about NFL Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson's accusation of reckless or negligent injury to his four-year-old son. The incident has once again raised the controversy surrounding the use of corporal punishment. Three issues are key in this deba

posted 6:00:52am Sep. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Would You Allow Your Teen to Have Sex in Your House?
A friend of mine was having coffee with me and mentioned something that took me aback. Someone we know is allowing her son's girlfriend to live in the house with them and have sex under their roof. Neither of these "kids" are 21 and the family claims to be Christian. Honestly, I don't understand!

posted 6:00:33am Sep. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Does Porn Affect Your Relationship?
During an evening talk show  there were plenty of jokes about pornography. And as the host and celebrity guest settled down, it was evident, porn, in their opinions, is no big deal.  If fact, many of the tabloids and even a few respected marital therapists, will tell you that a little porn is fi

posted 6:00:38am Sep. 16, 2014 | read full post »

5 Ways to Live in Financial Harmony
Money can't buy you love but it sure can make love difficult. Especially if you are in a relationship and not managing your money well. When it comes to money, here are 5 tips to live in relationship harmony: 1) Decide how your credit cards will be used when you enter a relationship. One person

posted 6:00:28am Sep. 12, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.