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Doing Life Together

The other day I was sitting in a medical office waiting for my routine mammogram. There was a small table next to me with reading materials on it. The first thing I noticed was that the office placed a Bible on that stand. I was impressed, rather gutsy. Not all the women who came and went in the office were there for routine mammograms. I was thankful for the placement of that Bible.

Next to the Bible, was a Glamour magazine. Curious, I picked it up and started flipping through the pages.

Shortly after I picked up the magazine, the technician came out out to the waiting area and said, “Dr. Mintle, we are ready for you. How are you?”

“Right now I am disgusted. Your reading material is telling me to embrace porn in order to liven up my love life. ”

Of course everyone heard my comments and appeared stunned. “Glamour Magazine, June 2011, page 154. Why Men Love Porn by Jake. It’s an article by some guy named Jake telling us that guys are into porn so we need to embrace it. Don’t believe it,” I loudly proclaimed as I followed the tech to the radiation room.”

The technician couldn’t wait to get me alone. “What did Jake say?”

“Jake (whoever he was) advises that we (women) do not flip out over the use of porn by the men in our lives. Porn can be an opportunity to ‘serve as a lighter fluid on the slow burn of monogamous relationships.’ Jake needs to sit with me for a few hours of therapy and listen to the women I counsel whose marriages and relationships are destroyed because of pornography. This article is irresponsible and a lie. What is the end goal for a magazine to print such nonsense?” And as a mom, would I want me teen reading this magazine in my home?

The tech didn’t get it either. What is the end goal? Money in the pockets of the porn industry? They are a thriving business!

I went on to talk  the cycle of sexual addiction–first fantasy, then ritual, then acting out. A “little” porn is like a “little cocaine.”Encourage women and men to play with fire and they will get burned!

So for anyone who wonders about the real devastation that porn has on a relationship, I encourage you to read my friend, Debbie Laaser’s book, Shattered Vows–a first hand account of how a Christian woman faced pornography in her marriage and stayed with her husband through the healing process. Debbie stayed but not all women do or are expected to stay. And not all men get healing. And that is the sad part of Jake’s advice. Most marriages are shattered by pornography and never repair. So to encourage anyone to embrace something that reduces sex to physical acts while objectifying women is unconscionable for Glamour. And trust me,Glamour is not the only magazine doing this.

 

 

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