The Deacon's Bench

The Deacon's Bench

“You raise me up…”

This video says it all. Be forewarned: Kleenex required.

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posted August 13, 2010 at 2:22 pm

I watched this video several times with tears streaming down my face and quickly dissolved into great, heaving sobs. You see, today has been a very, very bad day. I have been depressed, suicidal and have a slew of other psychiatric diagnoses. I have attempted suicide twice and lived. I used to self-injure. I don’t anymore. I spent last night at my parents recovering from a dignostic procedure. It did NOT go well. We argued, to put it mildly. Terrible things were said to both sides. What complicates this is my mother has the middle to advanced stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. She and I said some things to each other that were very harsh. I was very appalled by my own actions and terribly hurt by my mother’s. I immediately began to experience urges to hurt myself and to commit suicide. I came to my apartment and settled a bit but feel terrible and hopeless. Then I checked my e-mail and this was here. I don’t cry as a rule anymore. But this allowed me to touch that hurt and I cried. What a relief that was. Did I want to quit today? You’d better believe it. Did I want to self-injure? Again, you had better believe it. Then there was this and I felt God’s arm around my shoulder and knew I can go on.

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