“No” is today’s biggest challenge, says William Ury, world renowned negotiator, mediator, and best-selling author. “At the heart of the difficulty in saying No is the tension between exercising your power and tending to your relationship,” Mr Ury adds — and he has hit the nail right on the head.
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Friday is Book & Movie Day on the blog, when we take a look at texts and films – old and new — that I highly recommend you not miss. This week’s recommendation:The Power of a Positive No

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Director of the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard University, William Ury has written a marvelous book here. This text comes from the author nearly a quarter century after his best-selling Getting to Yes. For Ury, No is not simply a cleaner rejection. In fact, it is not a rejection at all. It is simply a declining, a “no, thank you.” It is a gentle decision, gently communicated and gently received.
Said Publisher’s Weekly:
“In addition to drawing on his own experiences as a negotiator for conflicts in countries like Chechnya and Venezuela, and the historical examples of activists like Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi, he shows how his principles can be used in the home and the workplace. He even throws in a few literary precedents, citing Melville’s Bartleby the Scrivener, whose repetition of the phrase “I would prefer not to” is cited as a “simple and admirable” method of polite refusal.
“Some of Ury’s advice, like describing how another’s actions make you feel rather than attacking the action, may strike the more cynical minded as touchy-feely, but his reminders to consider the other person’s perspective while asserting your own position create a clear, unambiguous path to win-win situations.”
As I see it, we could use a little more “touchy-feely” in our world, so I am excited about this book and hope that tons of people read it.
As Joan Borysenko says, “Every woman needs a copy of this book….I promise that learning to deliver a positive No can change your life–it changed mine dramatically in a single week.” And former President Jimmy Carter called the book “A boon to all of us.”
The book jacket says: In today’s world of high-stress and limitless choices, the pressure to give in an say Yes grows greater every day, producing overload and overwork, expanding e-mail and eroding ethics. Never had No been more needed. No has the power to profoundly transform our lives by enabling us to say Yes to what counts–our own needs, values, and priorities.
Understood this way, No is the new Yes. And the Positive No may be the most valuable life skill you’ll ever learn.
I highly recommend this writing. It truly can alter your day-to-day experience in a very positive way.