Chattering Mind

Chattering Mind

What If Men and Women Just Got Along?

“There hasn’t been a battle between the sexes,” says Warren Farrell, author of “Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say.” “There’s been a war in which only one side has shown up. Men’s cowardice has prevented them from showing up because they’re so addicted to female sexuality.”

This quote is from Jennifer Armstrong’s article “Men Don’t Suck,” which you can read for free in the online magazine “Sirens.” The whole of the piece is actually quite favorable to men generally, but I happened to find the above quote arresting enough to highlight. Here’s another passage from the text of Armstrong’s excellent piece:


These days, we women are inundated with advice about how to get a man. There are hundreds—maybe even thousands—of books on the subject, and every women’s magazine every month devotes significant space to tips, tips, and more tips. We’re taught how to catch them, keep them, use them, trick them, manipulate them, please them, conquer them—how to, basically, achieve them. Because that’s what our generation of girls does, right? We kick ass. We have accomplishments to check off. Men are just one more thing on our to-do lists.

But what if instead, we started by liking them? What if we achieved equality not by dominating them, but by partnering with them? What if we accepted them just as they are? What if we didn’t try to “fix” them?


My answer: We’d have the best damn relationships possible—the kind where you can discuss important world issues with a man you genuinely like, dissect pop culture with him, laugh with him … and then have some great sex with him, too. The kind where you haven’t tricked him or manipulated him into anything, so he loves you just as you are. And you love him in all of his silly, stupid, infuriating, intriguing, awe-inspiring masculinity.

Next month: He’s a Husband, Not a Pet or a Houseplant

I’m looking forward to that next installment.

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posted October 20, 2006 at 3:24 pm

As i see it,most women will never get along with a man.In this day and age women are use to spending what they make. Leaving the man to pay for home,taxes,insurence,bills,repairs,and anything extra,such as trips,or groceries.Maybe even helping her family out.But wait!She makes as much as you,or more in some cases.Where is hers if you some day split up? Oh,they get more then their shair though. Plus child support coming in for years maybe.I’m on my fourth marriage now.You will never change the laws for them,or their aditudes.Maybe this is one reason for so many gays these days.

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posted October 20, 2006 at 11:52 pm

This article is so true…my best friend is a man~we’ve been thru so much 2gether~cried, laughed, discussions, outtings, you name it~and it’s the best friendship I have ever had in my life! We compliment eachother~I don’t try to fix him and he doesn’t try to fix me ~ we just help eachother get by each and every day and I thank God for our friendship and hoping one day, our friendship turns into something more…friends first!

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posted October 22, 2006 at 2:05 am

Wow, what two diametrically opposed viewpoints and experiences. I enjoy the fact that men are different. Imagine a world with all women, not my style.

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posted October 23, 2006 at 2:49 am

I really like Armstrong’s suggestion that we partner with our men instead of dissing them and then holding them responsible. I agree with her: Men don’t suck; but our attitudes often do. After common missteps in the dating pool (“save me”, “I’ll save you”, “go away”, “come closer”, “to the left/faster”, “no, I don’t mind”, “just friends, ok?”, “lots of kids, right?”) I realized men weren’t puppies or warriors or ATMs. Thank God I eventually found a partner who was none of these, but more (and better.) Nonetheless, it is challenging. And maybe the most rewarding. (I’ll have to give that more thought.) In any case, I love the differences between men and women and I wouldn’t change them….just the attitudes and stereotypes that serve to distance us instead of bringing us closer.

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posted August 28, 2007 at 6:58 pm

As a man in today’s world, I can only say thank you ro Myrna and Daria.
Peace and blessings,

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