Chattering Mind

“There hasn’t been a battle between the sexes,” says Warren Farrell, author of “Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say.” “There’s been a war in which only one side has shown up. Men’s cowardice has prevented them from showing up because they’re so addicted to female sexuality.”

This quote is from Jennifer Armstrong’s article “Men Don’t Suck,” which you can read for free in the online magazine “Sirens.” The whole of the piece is actually quite favorable to men generally, but I happened to find the above quote arresting enough to highlight. Here’s another passage from the text of Armstrong’s excellent piece:

These days, we women are inundated with advice about how to get a man. There are hundreds—maybe even thousands—of books on the subject, and every women’s magazine every month devotes significant space to tips, tips, and more tips. We’re taught how to catch them, keep them, use them, trick them, manipulate them, please them, conquer them—how to, basically, achieve them. Because that’s what our generation of girls does, right? We kick ass. We have accomplishments to check off. Men are just one more thing on our to-do lists.

But what if instead, we started by liking them? What if we achieved equality not by dominating them, but by partnering with them? What if we accepted them just as they are? What if we didn’t try to “fix” them?

My answer: We’d have the best damn relationships possible—the kind where you can discuss important world issues with a man you genuinely like, dissect pop culture with him, laugh with him … and then have some great sex with him, too. The kind where you haven’t tricked him or manipulated him into anything, so he loves you just as you are. And you love him in all of his silly, stupid, infuriating, intriguing, awe-inspiring masculinity.

Next month: He’s a Husband, Not a Pet or a Houseplant

I’m looking forward to that next installment.

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