The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Talk To Me Like I’m Someone You Love

What if you had at the ready, a portable tool that could succintly express in writing what you might not be able to say verbally and could have a powerful healing impact on any relationship? In the midst of a heated discussion with a loved one, there are times when we are not at our most eloquent and words slip out that in calmer moments would not escape our lips. Psychotherapist and wordsmith, Nancy Dreyfus, Psy. D has compiled such a guide to healthy interactions, brilliantly entitled: Talk To Me Like I’m Someone You Love: Relationship Repair In A Flash. Having said that, please note that by purchasing this book or giving it to someone in your life, it in no way indicates that the relationship is on the rocks. It has preventive power as well. Just knowing that it is present could have a reassuring effect. Talk To Me Like I’m Someone You Love would make a great wedding or anniversary gift as well as an everyday portable relationship tool.

As a Licensed Social Worker, I have used the ideas from the book in therapeutic sessions with clients and have found them wonderfully successful in calming even the angriest couples. I also incorporate the concepts in my personal interactions and marvel at the results.

The book was born when in a session with a couple, Dreyfus found herself experiencing a sense of counter-transference. It began to feel like she was re-living the dynamics of her family of origin. In a flash, she scribbled the 8 words that became the book’s primary title, handed it to the man and whispered for him to hold it up to his wife who, at that moment, was berating him. It was as if time stood still and their interaction shifted to one that was more healing. Over the course of the next two decades, this book took shape and Dreyfus’ accumulated wisdom, gleaned from work with other couples, is now in the 285 pages of text with a few pages in the back on which to write messages in addition to what she offers. There are more than 100 ‘flashcard’ messages that can move through the heart of the matter in nearly every potential conflict, as well as Dreyfus’ commentary on each subject. These include:

“When you go on and on like that, I feel invisible to you.”

“Even though I’ve been arguing my position like a crazy person, I can see where your point of view makes sense.”

“What can I say that would make you feel understood?”

“I’m sorry if I acted like mine was the only reality.”

“I treasure you.”

The value in the book goes beyond the words themselves to the way in which it is to be used. In her practice, Dreyfus has discovered that vocalizing words can carry an emotional charge that simply reading them does not. There is no voice intonation, no chance to misinterpret when words are read and not said. Couples are encouraged to have the book handy to use as needed. Granted, it is not the same as sitting in the presence of this gifted therapist, but it is the next best thing to having her in your home.

I love the attitude Dreyfus speaks about with regard to the value of an open heart vs. a closed heart. She writes, “the only difference between an open heart and a closed one is that an open heart has opened only one more time than it’s closed…..only one more time.” This poignant and powerful book will ensure that hearts in your house will open much more quickly

www.nancydreyfus.com

Comedian Medium

Carole Tollen  was referred to by a client as the “Comedian Medium”, flavoring her presentations and readings with a tasty dash of humor, that has listeners craving more. I had the joy of hearing her speak at Circle of Miracles (one of the spiritual services I attend)  and found myself laughing and crying in the span of a few moments.  We have several interesting synchronicities, including that she and my mom graduated from the same high school (many years apart, of course:) and her grandchildren refer to her with the same name as I did my own beloved grandmother. I had never heard anyone else call their grandmother “Giggie”, although Carole spells it differently,  as she told me, when, with tears in my eyes and goosebumps on my skin, I explained the  ‘God-incidence’ of it all. Both of  us use goosebumps as a form of ‘truth barometer’.  When I mentioned the name connection, Carole responded, “Your grandmother is here with you and you have something of hers.”  Amazed but not surprised, I raised my left hand to show her  my grandmother’s engagement ring that my mother, who passed it on to me before she died this past November, had downsized to a pinkie ring that she had worn for many years.

How do you live your bliss? 

My bliss – do whatever FEELS right for me all the time.

What led you to discover that you had an intuitive gift to offer?Intuitive gift to offer – after years of knowing things before others and helping them with their decisions, I knew I was a PSYCHIC.
How did your experiences in earlier stages of your life, shape the women you have become?

 Experiences shape my life – I always felt different, left out, sad, dumb wrong – angry – and lived as I was told to be. When I owned myself as is, I became the woman I was born to be – real – talented – gifted – funny – loving – compassionate – intelligent alive!!!  

Was there fear and hesitation before you finally stepped forward?

Fear and not good enuf and then I practiced on my friends and felt I was OK – really good and took the leap of faith.

You have spoken about being authentic as a path to well being. How can people get past the trepidation about being fully seen and known?

Authentic- remember your beliefs are your parents’ beliefs AND NOT YOURS. Become aware of YOUR BELIEFS AND DESIRES. Accept yourself, WARTS and ALL! KNOW that Everyone has fears – so what! LAUGH AT YOURSELF – allow others to say what they will and KNOW it is about them, NOT YOU!! JUMP INTO YOUR LIFE AND LOVE IT LIKE IT IS!!!! No one really cares!!! LOL

Do messages come in the form or words, images, visions?

Messages come in words, images, visions, feelings, things, everyway and anyway!
 

Are you able to shut off the tap and take some time just for yourself?

I have taught myself to shut off! However, it is really a shut down or on dimmer!

Please speak about the guides that share their wisdom with you.

Guides come in all different ways. All the Ascended Masters – American Indians – Angels – Animals – Relatives on the other side. Children show me the way, too.

www.caroletollen.webs.com

Out Of The Pond Thinking

 

On my way to work a few weeks ago, I beheld an unexpected sight; a winged wonder running down a suburban Philadelphia road during rush hour. White with brown spots on its feathers; the wing span was a good several feet wide. It likely suprised other drivers as well; all who avoided hitting the feathered phenomenon. Since my friend Kathy Davis lives nearby, it occurred to me that it could be one of her swans that generally are quite content to leisurely enjoy the pleasures of gliding across the pond. Then, I wondered if it was a snow goose since I had never seen a brown spotted swan.

After it looked for all the world like it was being guided by air traffic control down a crowded runway, it took a leap and sat down in the middle of the road. I laughed as I drove past, wishing I had thought to whip out my handy dandy iphone and videotape the scene.

A few days later, I emailed Kathy to ask if one of her birds decided to take a road trip. I could hear the laughter in her response as she affirmed that one of  the young male swans had indeed taken off on a great adventure and thanked me for driving carefully.

Since I am a believer in messages and being at the right place at the right time, I decided to look up the meaning of the swan. Here is what I discovered about the magical messenger who happened to cross paths in perfect timing:

 

“The Swan is one of the most powerful
and ancient of totems.

As you begin to realize your own true beauty,
you unfold the ability to bridge new realms and new powers.

Swan can show you how to access the inner beauty
within yourself and in others.

A Swan totem heralds a time of altered states of awareness
and the development of intuitive abilities.
Swan people have the ability to see the future,
and to accept the healing and transformation
that is beginning in their lives.
Accept your ability and go with the flow.
Stop denying you know who is calling when the phone rings.

Pay attention to your hunches and inner knowledge,
and Swan medicine will work through you.

The Swan’s call teaches the mysteries of song and poetry,
for these touch the child and the beauty within. “

www.linsdomain.com/totems.html  

Ted Andrews, author of Animal Speak had this to say:  the swan teaches us to awaken to our inner beauty and power which is love.

An apt description of where I am in my life in this moment, as I spread my wings in mid-flight.

Mama-cakes

 

There are times when even a chronological grown up needs a teddy bear to hug. Today is such a day. Sitting next to me as I type these words is a purple and white gingham bodied, floral vested, starry eyed, bow tied little being. She showed up via USPS, sent from VITAS Hospice. I had anticipated her arrival since November 26th when my sister and I were asked if we would like to receive bears sewn lovingly from swatches of our mother’s nightgowns. Of course we eagerly agreed.  As I gazed at her, I was taken back in memory a few months when I visited my mother, who had been diagnosed with CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and placed on hospice care last May. The journey meandered in time and space; frequent flier miles accumulated as I made at least half dozen trips southward from my home in Pennsylvania to hers in Florida. I watched as my heretofore independent mother who was driving until a few months before her passing, required increasing amounts of personal care. It was something that I was deeply honored to do, performing the most intimate of tasks for her as she had done when I was a child. Before bathing her, I would gather towels, washcloths, basin and soap, warm water swishing in it.  A clean nightgown selected from a freshly folded out of the dryer pile.  Two of her favorites now embellish my new cotton clad friend.

When contemplating what to call the cuddly companion…’Mama-cakes’ was a no brainer, since when she would refer to me as ‘Baby-cakes’, I would volley that nick name back to her. She is a poignant reminder that having stars in my eyes, as does the bear (actually she has stars FOR eyes), helps me see beyond this world to the next where all is love and light and neither can be extinguished.

www.vitas.com

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