Singer songwriters are my heroes. They take thought and inspiration and turn them into magic moments. As a writer and poet, I am fascinated with the process they go through, but have not yet immersed myself in the songwriting genre…maybe someday. One of my favorite musical magicians is Asheville, North Carolina based David Wilcox. I discovered his songs via my hometown University of Pennsylvania member supported radio station WXPN 88.5 fm (streamed on www.xpn.org) On my way home from the gym last night, I was listening to his song called “Native Tongue”. He says that it is about the idea that (according to ecstatic poet Rumi)”What you seek is seeking you.” The line “Where you look is where love finds you.” jumped out at me and played peek-a-boo with my heart. I could actually feel it leap in my chest and a smile of contentment spread over my otherwise weary-from -a- long -day, face. It occurred to me that we often spend so much time ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’ that we sometimes can’t see it when it is waving its metaphorical arms in the air, jumping up and down, clamoring for our attention, calling out “Here I am….” What’s more important than that, I wonder?
So where was I looking yesterday? I was looking at the literal and metaphorical road in front of me as I made my way to a job that calls on every bit of insight, strength, resilience, creativity, spontaneity, wisdom, experience, book knowledge and faith I possess, working with folks with mental health diagnoses. Each day I pray that I have what it takes to hold this sacred trust. Each day, Spirit helps me deliver. Whew!
When I got there, I was looking at witholding judgement when there was resistance to ‘my ideas’ of how my day should go, when I had a schedule to keep and things kept filling up the space when I thought I had checked stuff off my to-do list. And yet….somehow I managed to get home in time to keep a phone appointment, write an article, do promo work and get to the gym for my ‘playout’. Love was in all those places, faces and experiences.
Love was also in the prayers offered for the son of a friend who is in the ICU, for my brother in-law who is also hospitalized and my sister and her kids going along on the ride with him, for my son to find his way in the world and a career in which he can use his talents for cooking and caring and support himself, for friends with challenging health diagnoses, for friends who have recently experienced the death of loved ones, friends who are in daunting financial circumstances ….all of these folks could use a miracle…or ten.
Love is in the desire to create a partnership in a mutually supportive relationship as I have witnessed modeled by my parents and others who I consider ‘spiritual power couples’, whose union serves the world as well as each other.
Love is in each word that comes forth in my writing, scattered like faerie dust and wonder for anyone willing to scoop up and share.
Where are you looking? Where has love found you?
http://youtu.be/MvJQQNs-YWs by David Wilcox
A few years ago, I attended a workshop during which the facilitator shared about her first spiritual experience at age 3 when she peered into a mirror and inquired “Who’s in there?” It got me to considering who it is that reflects back at me when I mirror gaze. Sometimes, like many of us, I find fault with what I see, like looking into a fun house mirror, with a distorted image. I don’t think I know any woman who is completely satisfied with her body; how about the guys? Since I can’t speak from experience, perhaps you can tell us. In the past year since shedding over 40 pounds, I have peeled off layers of facade as well as inches. That’s not me either, it’s just my body.
I have been through various career incarnations in the past 30 some years….lifeguard, magazine publisher, freelance journalist, massage practitioner, social worker, author, clown, minister, waitress, ice cream scooper, greeting card text writer, supervisor, motivational speaker/workshop facilitator, organic product demonstrator, PR Goddess, volunteer organ donor educator…the list is still growing. That’s not me either, just work I have done in the world.
Once upon a time I was married. That changed when my husband died 13 years ago and I became a widow. Since then, I have been both single and part of a couple. I am the mother of a 24 year old young man. I am the oldest of two, with a 2 1/2 year younger sister. I am the aunt of 6 nieces and nephews. I am the cousin of many more than that. I am sister in-law to 4. In the past nearly 4 years, both of my parents have passed, making me an ‘adult orphan’. That’s not who I am either, just family/ancestral connection.
I love music, art, reading, writing, drumming, dancing, singing, yoga, chanting, nature, massage, channeling words and images that come through me, and connecting with kindred spirits. Those things bring me into a joyous state. That’s not me either, just activities in which I engage and people with whom I gratefully interact.
So, who am I? I am a Divine creation, love incarnate, a haven, a home for my heart and hopefully those I draw into my life. I am a wonder-filled being who discovers delight in the miraculous occurrences that are always calling to be noticed.
WHO ARE YOU?
“Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation…… ! “
~Life’s Little Instructions
My friend Tracy Lahr Glassey posted this quote on her Facebook page this morning and it got me to pondering how often throughout my life I felt a need to explain my reasons for feeling, thinking and acting in certain ways. As a recovering co-dependent (my favorite definition of the concept is not knowing where I begin and you end.), I have danced with the idea that I really could be ok even if I didn’t have the approval of people in life. Sometimes the idea stepped on my toes and sometimes we waltzed gracefully together. I much prefer grace to hobnail boots stomping on my tootsies. With the desire to be ‘loved best of all’, I would become a chameleon to blend in, to have a sense of belonging and to refrain from making waves or rocking the boat. Think “Guys and Dolls” and the piece “Sit Down, You’re Rocking the Boat” combined with my former theme song straight from A Chorus Line; “What I Did For Love” and you get the picture…not always a pretty one.
These days, in the 5th decade of my life, I am relieved to recognize that as much as I still desire love and acceptance (is there any human being who doesn’t at their core, want that?), I know in my heart of hearts, that I am not now and never have been, incomplete without it. If someone truly would benefit from knowing what is behind my decisions in any area of my life, I am happy to share it, but I rarely these days, feel a need to justify, as if another person is the arbiter of my choices. As an exclamation, I do live full out, ripe and juicy. I dance my own steps and turns…no wonder I enjoy improvisational dance over ballroom. Less structure, more freedom to let the music move me. Those who know me, would say that I am vividly colorful, passionately purposeful, overflowing with energy, a no holds barred gutsy broad. Willing to be, as my father called me ‘a goofy kid’ at times. The facade has dropped and I live in vulnerability and audaciousness, an ecstatic exclamation!
What would it mean to you, if you were to live as an exclamation?
http://youtu.be/xjCTJXbgskc What I Did For Love, sung by Idina Menzel