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The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves

                                                                                                                    Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves by Amy Ahlers

 

Like it or not, most women you know, including the one in the mirror, has an ‘Innner Mean Girl’. She’s the one who yammers at you; editorializing about everything from the way you look, to the friends who have more success, better jobs, cars, partners,…heck,  lives! There are some of us, myself included, who have raised it to an art form. We bully ourselves in ways that we would never in a million years, treat someone else. In walks, Amy Ahlers; certified life coach, media darling and the cofounder; with Christine Arylo,  of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School, with her book entitled Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar. Her  intention was to provide, not only a wake up, but a shake up of all of the entrenched beliefs and limitations we hold onto that are holding onto us.

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Amy opens the book with the ultimate truth:  “The most important relationship in your life is your relationship with you.”  The sad accompanying truth is that we are not very good friends to ourselves as often as we need be, in order to maintain a healthy balance.  She goes on to say that according to The National Science Foundation, approximately 60,000 thoughts cross our minds daily and most  are harshly self critical. Our very being reacts to that consistent flow of negativity as if we are fed poison. That kills off an awareness of our worthiness and thus our happiness and well being. Much like Dr. Emoto’s Messages From Water (which she references), we react on an unconscious level, taking on the mantle of parts of ourselves that we despise. It twists and distorts our psyche’ in the way that the water crystals were damaged by toxic words and thoughts.

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From that launch pad, Ahlers reveals 59 lies we tell ourselves in various and sundry combinations. The book breaks them into categories such as:

Worth-  “I’m damaged goods.”  “I don’t belong.”   “I’m a total fraud.”

Money-  “I’ll never have enough.”  “Money is the root of all evil.”  “I am one of the have-nots”

Love and Relationships- “I need another to complete me.”  “If you really loved me, you would know exactly what I need.”  “If I forgive, I condone.”

Ahlers then counters each of the lies with the truth; offered with humor and grace and a strong dash of a loving kick in the tush to move  forward. Following that comes what she calls a challenge, which are grow it yourself exercises to stretch your perceptions.  One of the exercises which I did many years ago, was suggested by SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy) and it is a wedding ceremony in which you marry yourself. The truth is, until you can fully embrace yourself, how can you allow someone else to fully embrace you? At the end of each lie section is an affirmation and inspirational quote.  Kind of like a Happy Meal with a toy inside to make your Inner Mean Girl take a break from her torturous tasks of beating you up.

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I particularly enjoyed her observation of her three year old daughter Annabella admiring herself in her ballet tutu and wistfully wondering what it would take for women to remember the little girls that we were, free of self loathing and deprecation.

Ahlers encourages the reader to allow her Inner Wisdom to shine forth in what she calls The Three Step Process

 

1. Ask yourself what your Inner Mean Girl is saying.  (Really let her rant)

2. Close your eyes and ask what your Inner Wisdom knows. (Let this be your truth barometer)

3. Lock in that truth by using a physical gesture such as  placing a hand on your belly or heart . (This is a kinesthetic experience that helps embody the feeling)

By the end of the book, the reader is likely to feel elevated and inspired to confront the lies that have been running/ruining her life. Armed with a candle to shine the light of truth,  will make it easier to call out the erroneous thoughts, offer them compassion and send them on their way.

 

www.wakeupcallcoaching.com

 

 

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Something Special

 

                                                                                             

On Saturday, I was running some errands and found myself in a Rite-Aid that was undergoing renovations. Meandering around, checking out the construction; one of the women working there asked if I was seeking something special. At first I was tempted to say the standard, “No, I’m just looking.” and then caught myself and gathered my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself and then said to her, “Yes, I am always looking for something special and I always find it.”  Another double entendre statement, like the one I shared last week when a friend commented that life was agreeing with me and I responded that life always agrees with me, no matter what I think, say or do. Years ago, I found a mystical message on a cereal box “To see if you’re a winner, look inside.”  That was in reference to a contest they were running, but I took it a whole ‘nother way, as you might guess.

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So, off I was out into my ‘special day’. First to the gym for a great ‘playout’ and then to an outdoor performance of my musician friends Annabella Wood, Ashley Blanco and Sam Haines at the Pennypack Harvest Festival in Horsham. Their music is a little bit country, with a splash of spirituality, a fragrance of folk, a dash of drumming, blended into their multi-instrumental soup. They don’t yet have a name, so I called out an idea…A Work In Progress. Who knows?  From there, with my friend and creative collaborator Peggy Tileston as we are teaching a class for therapeutic professionals on using creative modalities when words aren’t enough. On to my next encounter…this time with my friend Rod about whom I wrote in yesterday’s Bliss Blog (author of  the newly blooming book: The Flower of My Heart).  After he and I took a brief walk on South Street in Philly, I headed to my favorite spiritual book store called Garland of Letters that has been a staple in the community for more than 30 years.  Healthy,  yummy dinner at a Vegan restaurant called Loving Hut whose walls were decorated with pics of  famous vegetarians/vegans..such large portions that was enough for another meal!  Happily satisfied with a body-mind-spirit nourishing day, I actually slept well for the first time in days. 

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The next day, I found myself meandering through Doylestown, without a particular plan. I was standing on State Street, breathing in the early autumn air, when heading my way are my friends Rhetta Morgan and Connie Keener, smiling as brightly as the sun.  Hugging hello’s, they told me that they were heading for ice cream at Nonno’s which is a little coffee shop; a gem in this Bucks County town.  Perusing the delights behind the counter, my eyes lit up when I beheld a delicacy called “Billionaire Chocolate”. Although chocolate is my drug of choice, the name was reason enough to indulge in the treat.  No false advertising here….it really tasted like a gazillion buck flavor.  I joked that, of course, all the fat and calories had been magically whisked away. I am all about pleasure, sans guilt.  Connie, Rhetta and I spent the better part of an hour or so, talking about ‘life, the universe and everything’.  

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 My treasure chest filled with love, friendship, growth opportunities, abundance, pleasure, fun, adventure, delight  and BLISS spilleth over! 

How about yours?

 

http://youtu.be/uyXGUNaUMOE  Something Special by Colbie Caillat

www.lovinghut.com

www.garlandofletters.com

 www.annabellawood.com

www.transformationalresources.com

www.heavenherenow.com

www.nonnoscafe.com

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The Flower Of My Heart

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Holding the book, The Flower of My Heart: Expressing Love to the World Through Art, I can feel the love resonating, reverberating, oozing, radiating, pulsing through it and from it. At the risk of sounding like a human thesaurus, I would like to express the immense energy that I know went into it, as well as comes forth.  The artist/writer, Roderick Schichtel, who I have written about in previous Bliss Blog entries, is a work of he(art) himself. He refers to himself as LOVE and that is how he signs his pieces and that is what how he embues his work and his life. Whenever I am in his presence, even for a brief time, as I was last night, I always leave feeling a bit lighter, a lot loved and inspired to carry that out into the world.  

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I met Rod 4 or 5 years ago and upon first entering his home/haven that he called A Taste of Heaven, I felt as if I had truly stepped over a threshold into another realm. It wasn’t just the white furniture, glass table tops, and curtains hand made from white sheets (I joked with him; “No kids or animals here, huh?”) that embellished the space into which he welcomed folks for regular gatherings, music, fellowship and pot luck dinners. The walls were covered with his artwork, some of which you will see in this slim, but rich with content and flavor compilation.  When life circumstances took an unexpected turn, I had the blessing of being the temporary caretaker for three of Rod’s pieces that graced my walls. They are not in the book, but can be seen on his facebook page, should you choose to ‘friend’ him there.  A three piece winter landscape; the first time I saw it, I felt as if I was really traipsing, bundled up, through a snowy field of  trees.

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The book opens with an explanation of the spiritual journey Rod has been on that led to these magnificent creations. He felt a calling to express through the written, spoken, painted, divinely designed words and imagery, what flowed through him. Poetry and prayer, color and texture, glowing and soul grabbing.  Watching him at work, as I have on a few occasions, he really IS channeling the Infinite. One of the unique aspects of his paintings, is that more often now, he initially paints words first and then covers them with images. He  uses feathers to paint the words.

An example can be found on page 9. There the reader will see one of the least color splashed, but no less powerful pieces. It is in grey and white with a sun in the upper right hand corner. Foot prints lead inexorably toward it. Along the right border, are the words INTO THE LIGHT OF LOVE.  From the top:  “All of us on our individual  and collective spiritual pathways, are always growing closer to the light, until the moment arrives when we realize we were always one with the light we were seeking.”  As a colorful juxtaposition, on the next page sits a sweetly meditating gender-neutral looking bareheaded person; eyes closed beatifically, with an open third eye in the forehead. A sky blue background with a radiating glow above the crown chakra highlights it.

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All of the images are a reflection of Rod’s ongoing journey and I am blessed to watch it, him and his magnificent work blossom like the daffodil image that embellishes the cover and closes the book, in full bloom. The words that are splashed across it : “In quiet moments of reflection, I open myself to God, like a flower opening itself to the sun.”  He wishes the reader, “In every moment you have the ability to uplift the world. I wish you every blessing that life can hold, all the joy that comes from living with an open heart!”  And my friend Rod does just that.

To order, go to his website:

www.heavenherenow.com

 

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 This felt like an appropriate song to accompany such an entry

 

http://youtu.be/2GmVajkqLNU  Love by John Lennon

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Knowing Where To Tap

                                                                                                                

 

I have heard different versions of this story about a boiler in need of repair. The owner hired an expert  to fix it. In walks a man with his bag of tools. He listens to the description of the problem and then listens to the machine. He pulls out a hammer and with a flair for the dramatic, he hums to himself,  does a little ‘tap, tap, tap’ and soon the boiler is humming along nicely as well. He writes up the bill for $1,000 and hands it to the astonished man.  “Why did you charge me so much?  You only spent 15 minutes on the job.”  He explained with full justification:

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For tapping with hammer: $ .50
For knowing where to tap: 999.50
Total: $1,000.00

Today at the hospital where I work, our copier/fax machine was on the fritz . No amount of cajoling, adjusting, switching it off and on, could bring it full working order. I suggested that we wait for Michelle, our unit clerk to come in, since she seemed to be counted on to fix what ailed it. I call her our copier surgeon.  She takes a look at it, blows on the lid, steps back and voila!  It too is humming along as nicely as the aforemented boiler. I laughed, thinking of the first story. “Don’t tell anyone, or they’ll know how to work the magic too!”, I advised her.  I’ll bet that wasn’t in her job description when she was hired.

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Each of us has an accumulation of talents. At dinner tonight with my editor Pam, who helped to bring my Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming the Ordinary Into the Extraordinary to life, we were talking about the experiences we have that have us wondering why. I have come to understand that there is a reason for everything and that each of them has provided me with my own tool kit. In an effort to feel humble, I shy away from the term ‘expert’, but the truth is, at nearly 53, I have areas of expertise that allow me guide people to the best version of themselves. I seem to know where to tap.

Where is your cutting edge area of expertise? Are you willing to claim it?

 http://youtu.be/Y2pFLG6pM5A  Hello, My Name Is Joe…I work in a button factory (:

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