Beliefnet
The Bliss Blog

As I was prepping for being a guest on a radio show tonight, I was coming up with topics about which I would be speaking. My intention is to help people live the lives of their dreams and manna-fest their hearts’ desires. Pretty simple goal, but with all kinds of twists and turns along the way. I liken it to the seed planting that takes place when we want to grow a garden. Vivid imagination is an initial ingredient since before we place the first kernel into the ground, we need to have some idea of the end result. If we went a floral expanse, we aren’t going to plant potatoes and if we want veggies to grow, we aren’t going to plant pineapple. How often, though, do we make that choice when putting forth the seed pods in our minds?

From many sources, comes the same message. The  bible says “Ask and you shall receive.” Abraham-Hicks offers the message consistently ” Ask and it is given.”  Joe Jackson poses the musical dilemma “You can’t get what you want, ’til you know what you want.”  and then The Stones sagely say “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” How can people discover their passion and purpose?

I like to say that your purpose is what lights you up from the inside and turns you into a human sparkler. What would that feel like to be electrified and buzzing with energy, throwing off vibrant sparks of de-light?  Pretty nice place to be when I am there, which includes writing, reading, listening to music, teaching, interviewing, counseling and coaching. I set up time every day to do most of those things, which keeps my pilot light aglow. In that receptive state, so many ideas, insights and images enter. From that raw material, I create stories, experiential exercises to share, and counseling/coaching interventions. It also helps to have people around me who inspire me with their brilliance and insights, their positivity and get it done attitude. Being a visionary is one thing, but taking inspired action is what really launches us into the stratosphere.

I invite you to listen in to Far Out Radio from 6-8pm est and call in to pick my brain, or whatever is left of it by that time on a Friday evening, at the end of a long and rewarding week.

www.faroutradio.com

 

ediefaroutradio

 

Yesterday began like any other for most Americans, unless you were awaiting a monumental Supreme Court decision. As an interfaith minister who marries both same and opposite sex couples, someone with friends of diverse gender and relationship preference and a woman of conscience who affirms that love is love is love and that “it is about the person, not the plumbing,” I was eager to see what would emerge from the chambers. I walked into one of my homes away from home, Planet Fitness (The Judgment Free Zone) for my ‘playout’ and noticed that most of the television screens that span the front of the space were tuned to news channels with BREAKING NEWS streaming across them. My heart began thumpity thumping even before I climbed on board the elliptical as I saw the first of two pieces of information. The Supreme Court struck down Section 3 of DOMA (The bizaarely named Defense of Marriage Act; how can same sex marriage in any way threaten heterosexual marriage, such that it would need defending? ) as unconstitutional . Another, astoundingly courageous Edie (Edith Windsor) is the catalyst for such a powerful outcome. For 40 years, she was in a deeply committed and passionate relationship with a woman named Thea Spyre who she describes as “the love of my life,” which is the way my parents, who were married nearly 52 years when death parted them as well, described each other. Two years prior to Thea’s death from MS in 2009, she and Edie were married in Canada. When she died, Edie was required to pay an exorbitant amount of estate tax. In several interviews, she had said that had there been one letter difference in her sweetie’s name (Theo instead of Thea) and even had she met a man and married him the day before he died, her tax liability would have been zero.  As a result, she filed suit. An elegant octogenarian, she had two powerful forces on her side: love and the law. Oh, and I’m sure, her wife on the Other Side, beaming with pride and joy.

“Due to Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which bars the federal  government from recognizing same-sex marriages for the purpose of federal  benefits and tax breaks, Windsor faced a bill in excess of $300,000 on Spyer’s  estate. She decided to fight this case despite her own ill health and warnings  from other equality fighters who thought her chances of winning were slim.”

To learn more of the specifics about what this change will mean to so many families:
Read more: http://www.care2.com/causes/here-are-3-amazing-reactions-to-todays-gay-marriage-victories.html#ixzz2XPz2ttf8

The second victory came with booting out of the court room Proposition 8. According to an article in The Huffington Post:

“The Supreme Court on Wednesday left for dead California’s same-sex marriage ban, Proposition 8, but the question of gay and lesbian couples’ constitutional right to marry remains very much alive.

By a 5-4 vote, the justices held in Hollingsworth v. Perry that the traditional marriage activists who put Proposition 8 on California ballots in 2008 did not have the constitutional authority, or standing, to defend the law in federal courts after the state refused to appeal its loss at trial.

“We have never before upheld the standing of a private party to defend the constitutionality of a state statute when state officials have chosen not to,” Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in the majority opinion. “We decline to do so for the first time here.”

Roberts was joined in his majority opinion by Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Antonin Scalia, Stephen Breyer and Elena Kagan. Justice Anthony Kennedy filed a dissenting opinion, joined by Justices Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito and Sonia Sotomayor.

The judgment of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit was vacated and the case remanded with instructions to dismiss the appeal for lack of jurisdiction. While California will likely begin issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, the decision will not have an impact beyond the state’s borders, and other same-sex marriage bans across the country will be left intact.”

My immediate reaction was a fist pump in the air as a yahooooo!  moved through me and tears trickled, since I know what this means to so many whose love lives are scrutinized and in many cases, demonized. It affords some sense of validity to what should, in my opinion, be a given; that love is not measured by body parts or chromosomes, but rather dedication and heart and soul connection.

According to this tireless crusader, the decision brings with it “The beginning of the end of stigma. It is the beginning of the end of lying about who we are.”  and adds: “My country gave dignity to this beautiful person I lived with.”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9lfi7gCuz0  Everything Possible by Fred Small

 

 

I was following a thread on Facebook that began with this question from radio host DeBora M. Ricks:

“Should we spank our children? Is spanking ever the best discipline option? If you care about children, about how we’re treating them, then check this show out tomorrow, Wed., June 26!
Tomorrow  Anthony McCarthy talks to Marilyn Mosby, a former assistant prosecutor and wife of 7th District City Council Nick Mosby, who announced on June 21 that she will run for State’s Attorney of Baltimore City. In the 2nd hour he talks to journalist Eisa Ulen Richardson and Sherman Minor of The Family Tree about child discipline/whether there are any benefits to beating our babies. We wrap the evening up with co-authors of Doing the Best I Can: Fatherhood in the Inner City, Kathryn Edin & Timothy Nelson, with an exploration of the assumptions we tend to make about inner city dads. WEAA 88.9 FM, Wed. 5-7pm. www.weaa.org
My immediate, from the gut response was this:
“Nope, nope, nope. Spanking teaches children that a bigger and stronger person can control a smaller and more vulnerable person by striking them. It is confusing to a child to get any sense that hitting is acceptable for adults to do, and not for them to do. If an adult hit another adult out of anger, they could be justifiably charged with assault. Do parents really want compliance based on fear, intimidation or threat, or out of love and respect? It is also way too easy for it to get out of control. My two or three cents.”
She continues to say: “And there’s more. The author of the article “Knocking Some Sense” will be on the show tomorrow and per her research spanking trains a male child for institutional life/prison.”
I am a therapist who has worked for many years with abuse survivors, so this is a hot button issue for me. I tell them that the cycle stops with them. I have rolled my eyes when I have heard people say that they were hit (and sometimes more than just a little bit) and “I turned out ok.”  Hitting isn’t a reflection of love and concern, but rather a way to control the other person. I was never hit and I turned out ok too. I respected my parents out of love and not fear of being assaulted. I have also found that people who bully are often bullied at home and may feel they have no healthy outlet for their own sense of disempowerment. Anger management needs to be modeled, and sadly and sometimes devastatingly for many, it simply isn’t. And this goes beyond the act of spanking, to verbal aggression, name calling, and demeaning. Some damage takes a long while to heal.

Children Learn What They Live

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

I was at a store a few years ago and witnessed an interaction between a mother and her young daughter. The little girl was having difficulty tying her shoes and might have been whining and the mother threatened to smack her. I had three choices at that point. I could have walked away and ignored it. I could have gone all social worker on her and told her that she had better watch her step which only would likely have angered her further and who knows what would have happened when she got the little girl home? Instead, I said to her, mom to mom, that I imagined she was having a really rough day and that I’m sure she didn’t want to hurt her child. Her face softened a bit and she shared that she was an overwhelmed, over-worked, financially strapped single mom.  I then bent over and tied her daughter’s shoes and wished them both well and went on my way. The mother said nothing else beyond that. A year later, no kidding, I’m back at the same store and I spot them again. This time, the child has her face painted with a pretty design. I approach them and ask if they remembered me. The mother said nothing again and the little one smiled shyly as I told her how beautiful she looked.
There may be folks who disagree with me on this subject, but it is one that I feel passionately about.
One of my favorite Natalie Merchant songs speaks to this subject poignantly. http://youtu.be/m39DWVFK-Bw–  What’s The Matter Here?

 

I am always learning something new from my clients in the Drug and Alcohol counseling program where I work as a therapist. Since many of them attend 12 step meetings, I am accustomed to hearing them use what I call ‘bumper sticker-ese’ such as “One Day At A Time”, “Let Go and Let God”, “We are only as sick as our secrets”, “Easy Does It” and “There but for the Grace….”  Today, we were speaking about what it takes to remain sober in the face of the challenges that they bump up against each day. One incredibly insightful young man said these words that put a smile on my face, “The juice is worth the squeeze.”  Think about it for a moment. What does it mean to you?

What comes to mind for me is the idea that anything worth doing is worth doing well. If there is something I desire to experience or attract into my life, I need to be willing to roll up my sleeves and  put my all into it. It might mean getting a little messy and pulpy. I may need to risk feeling like a drip. I might even be inclined to tell a knock knock joke…”Knock knock. Who’s there?  Banana. Banana who?  Knock knock, Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who’s there?  Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana again?”  Worth the squeeze means a wonderful exchange for what I put into the endeavor.

I remember back in  January of  1981 when I was on a 10 day Outward Bound Course in New England; think snow, and bitter cold. On our last day there, we were asked to run up a hill where a treat would be waiting for us. I charged up the incline, drenched in sweat under my woolen pants, vest, flannel shirt and long johns by the time I reached the top. The delight was freshly made orange juice, ice cold and refreshing. Never before and not since, has it been that good. THAT was definitely worth the squeeze.

There are many things I wish for in my life. I can wait around for the perfect moment for whatever it is to arrive. I can wait until I am exactly as I want to be in order to experience true happiness. I would be waiting a looooonnnnng time.  I much prefer the proactive approach in which I set my intention, extend my reach, put legs under my ideas, take the steps, enlist support, put my heart and soul into it, be ‘all in’ and see it through to fruition (no pun intended:)