Beliefnet
The Bliss Blog

 

 

“Every time you feel like you should make something happen, replace it with : “Oh, what I really want to do is to allow things to happen.” And then enhance it even further with, “At their own pace. In their own time. On the schedule that has been laid out. With nothing to do with me. I don’t have to force it. Everything is working out. All is well. It is unfolding perfectly. The path will light up. I’ve done my work. I’ve put it in there. Now my work is to ALLOW myself at the right time, in the right place, with the right people to rendezvouz.”-Abraham-Hicks

When I read this passage, I had simultaneous feelings. A yes!  of recognition resonated though me and as well, a tummy twisting thought that sounded like “Come on already, how come things don’t always unfold in my way time frame? Who made that rule up? I’ve paid my dues, earned my chops….”  You know the drill, I’m sure. I face that mischievous imp each day. Sometimes I roll my eyes and ‘tut’ and other times, I am relieved that I really don’t need to run the show. In 12 step, the concept of EGO is called “Edging God Out”  and GOD is sometimes defined as “Good Orderly Direction”. When I attempt to micromanage the details of my life, often I have ended up frustrated and when I have followed Divine Direction, satisfaction has come more readily.

Imagine scattering flower petals ahead and behind you, knowing that some of them will blow with the winds and others will remain where they settle. You can admire their beauty and you can share them with others who happen upon them. See, the thing is, we never know who will pick them up, inhale their sweet aroma, caress their cheeks with them, place them in the pages of a book. I gaze back at earlier times in my life, wondering why certain people and experiences have arrived in the form and at the time they did and now realize that it was in perfect order.

Two Hebrew phrases that speak to this concept:

Hakol Beseder B’Eli Haseder- Everything is in order within the chaos.

HaKol Le Tova! – Everything is for the best!

What if you believed that? Today I will practice seeing it all In Divine Order~

 

This week as I was passing a local nursery, I saw this written on the marquee’:

“Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.”

 

I smiled as I drove home, since I have become a much more conscious gardener in the past few years. There was a time when my thoughts would grow wild, choking out the beautiful buds that were popping out of the fertile soil. They sounded like “Let’s go, let’s move faster, get more done.” Even now, my self and other judging thoughts run rampant. I was speaking with a client today about the ways we believe that ‘our way’ is the ‘right way’ and when we act as if that is so, then we miss out on learning from the folks who come into our lives. From their vantage point, their perception equals reality.

Tonight, a dear friend was hurting because of obnoxiously toxic weeds he encounters on a daily basis for one reason…he is a Gay man in love with his partner of 14 years. Imagine a life in which you feel you need to watch your back in case some homophobic hater, hurls their poisons in your direction. What would it be like to fear holding hands with your Beloved as you walk down the street so as to avoid the comments meant to disparage? How about comments that have become part of the vernacular, referring to things or behaviors as “Gay” or “queer”? What gives anyone the right to do that or even worse, take it to the next level and do bodily harm to the target of their disdain? I told him that I can only imagine how dark and frightening it must be in the minds of those who hate. I wouldn’t want to see the slime ooze from it. I know that it is sometimes generational and born of fear of differences. I offered support for the courage that it takes every day to be who he is and love as he does.

Regardless of your orientation, I encourage you to stand up and speak out about hatred in any form.

One of my favorite quotes about what happens when people don’t stand up and speak out:

I DID NOT SPEAK OUT:
In Germany the Nazis first came for the homosexuals, and I
did not speak out because I was not a homosexual.
Then they came for the Communists, but I was not a
Communist so I did not speak out.
Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists,
but I was neither, so I did not speak out.
Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not
speak out.
Then they came for the Catholics, but I was a Protestant so I
did not speak out.
And when they came for me, by that time there was no one
left to speak out for anyone.
Pastor Martin Niemuller
October, 1945
(adapted from the original)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBrtgRn_dGk – Don’t Laugh At Me-Peter, Paul and Mary

 

Today as I was reading a book by SARK called Make Your Creative Dreams Real that was given to me as a gift by my friend Cynthia Perkel since she knows I’m a creative soul, I turned to a page that had the words Grudge Island splashed on it. Hmmm….I wonder what it would be like to be a castaway swept aside on its shores? Not a particularly welcoming coastline; probably rocky with rip currents that could dash you against them. Likely gale force winds batter it about and scorpions, snakes and carnivorous plants inhabit it. Why the heck would anyone want to go there for a brief visit,  let alone take up residence?

Tonight I facilitated my weekly women’s support group at a drug and alcohol outpatient program. Those who attend are in various stages of recovery and have most definitely spent time on Grudge Island. Before the group began, I drew a little island with a palm tree smack dab in the middle and tiny sailboat floating in the water next to it. I then asked them what would be on the island and they called out  words like resentments, anger, betrayal, you did this to me, it’s your fault, bitterness, victimhood…  I followed up with inquiring about the name that would be painted on the boat that could help them escape should they choose to do so. One woman got up and wrote the words The Good Ship Forgiveness (kind of like The Good Ship Lollipop).  All of them chose to leave the island.

Grudges can be overwhelmingly heavy and tempting to carry at the same time. We may think that we will never let go, but what we hold onto holds onto us. Ask yourself what it is that you might want to release, so as to be able to live more freely and fully. I shared about an unresolved issue that I had carried until a few years ago, when I came clean with someone I knew as a teenager, who had made a comment when we were 13 or 14 that I literally felt burdened by it since I had hauled it around for so long.

I know that there are times when I still intentionally swim ashore, self righteously proclaiming that someone else exiled me there. I look around the environs for a brief time and then decided that it would best serve me to set sail out of there, rather than dropping anchor and remaining.

 

Dustin Hoffman, Tootsie

 

 

One of my favorite movies  is Tootsie, that made a big splash when it was released in  1982,  as veteran actor Dustin Hoffman plays a dual role of a not-so-successful actor Michael Dorsey turned  sensational actress  Dorothy Michaels in order to land a big part in a popular soap opera. The object lesson of the film was about overcoming stereotypes, sexism and the way in which playing a woman made the main character a better man.

Just recently I watched a clip of an interview with Dustin Hoffman as he spoke about the creation of the character, the intention to play her, not as a parody of a woman, but the most attractive ‘real’ looking woman ‘she’ could be. His makeup artist did what was possible and yet he still felt that he wasn’t a gorgeous woman by society’s standards. It occurred to him that there were many average looking women that aren’t given the time of day by men in the culture who have a particular image in mind for classic beauty. He was chagrined to recognize that he too, contributed to that stigma. I gained a great deal of respect for him after viewing the interview, as he admitted to his own shortcomings with regard to the women he had missed out on getting to know by buying into the façade that may have masked their true beauty.

How do we measure beauty?  For some it is about body shape and size, for others a sense of symmetry of facial features, for still others, it is about appearing youthful. How both sexes miss out when it comes to limiting standards for appearance.

http://youtu.be/smTXkhM6v-Y Clip from Tootsie

 

 

www.themarysue.com/dustin-hoffman-tootsie/ Interview with Dustin Hoffman