Advertisement

The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

A Course In ‘Me-racles’

 

Many people who visit Beliefnet are familiar with A Course In Miracles, and like me, have been students for a number of years. I was introduced to this 3 book series in the early 1980’s, which according to the website is: A unique, universal, self-study spiritual thought system that teaches that the way to Love and Inner Peace is through Forgiveness. Drs. Helen Schucman and William Thetford, were given the directive “This is a course in miracles, please take notes.”, by one whom they came to understand was Jesus, so take notes, they did. For nearly 4 decades, the concepts of love, miracles and forgiveness, has touched lives, including mine, reminding me that miracles are a natural part of life, and  that in every moment, I can view the world through the eyes of love or fear. Most of the time, I choose love and my life is dramatically altered as a result.

Advertisement

Last night, I found myself in an experience that when all was said and done, I had one of those transformative moments. Since being widowed in 1998, I have been in a few  relationships and in between, on those ubiquitous dating websites. I drift in and out of visiting them,  wondering whether someone with whom I would want to ‘dance’ in partnership is there,  who many be wondering if I’m there, open to meeting him. Two days earlier, I had received an email from a man who thought I was ‘fascinating’ and wanted to be in touch, so we began an email correspondence. We agreed to speak on the phone last night, so after a few back and forth messages, we did so. A meandering conversation ensued in which we shared a bit about our histories, life journeys, political ideologies, our take on religion/spirituality, family…. One thing I was taken by, as a part of me ‘observed’ the conversation, even while immersed in it, was how comfortable I was with just ‘being’ without attempting to impress, woo, seduce, dazzle, or otherwise win someone over, as I would have a few years ago. I had no investment in whether this man was the ‘One’. Although we spoke for more than an hour, since it seemed we both enjoyed the lively conversation and he told me I had given him alot to consider, I knew that it wasn’t going any further and that really was ok.  A kind email from him this morning, reinforced that as he said that my instincts were correct and that “we were just too different.” There wasn’t a sense of   ‘awwww’, but rather ‘ahhhhh'; since I learned a few things about myself and what I want.

Advertisement

1. I choose a partner for whom I need not ‘translate’ or explain my life; someone who has walked a similar journey.

2. I choose to be with someone with whom I share similar values and beliefs.

3. I allow for someone in my life,  as my friend Jackie offered on a phone call yesterday, with whom I need not rescue, rehabilitate or rationalize. Believe me, I have done all three in relationship and it ain’t pretty.

4. Someone had asked me a few years ago if I wanted a male version of me. I laughed and said “Of course not. How egotistical would that be?” and then it occurred to me, that on some level I do. I welcome someone with enough in common that we mesh/merge our lives and with enough differences to make it interesting.

Advertisement

5. Last year, in the midst of a reading with a reputable psychic named Corbie Mitlied, she told me that my relationship “will be with your Muse.” and I wondered if that meant that the person with whom I would be in love, would also be a creative guide, or if the Muse itself would be my focus. I waver back and forth between those two inquiries, but lately, have come to think that it is the latter. There are times when I simply can’t wait to write, like the act of creation of ‘word paintings’ is an experience of love making and that Creativity itself is a lover who woos and seduces me.

6. I slurp all of the juice from the bottom of the glass. He had asked about whether I had space in my life for a relationship since I have so many activities in which I am engaged. I explained that my life is full and rich and the people in it are my treasures, and yes there was room for more. I asked if he had a favorite beverage and he said that it was water. If he was thirsty, would he drink it all or leave some at the bottom of the glass?  He said he would drink it all. So it is with me, since I know that the glass will always refill. I need not hold back in anticipation that someone could show up today.

Advertisement

Last night’s call was another chapter in the book of my life and as I turn the page on this new day, I am eager to see what I will discover and as I let go of what I don’t want, I make room for what I do. I thank this man for helping me turn that page and perhaps the corner around which even more ‘me-racles’ await.

 

http://youtu.be/TtGY4G7II6s Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

www.acim.org

Advertisement

Spiritual Amnesia

 

 

I saw this cartoon today and it gave me a chuckle since I use the term ‘spiritual amnesia’ to describe blessedly brief moments of Forgetting that Everything is All Right which is actually an acroynm for the word FEAR. How does that work, I wonder?  It seems that I (and maybe you too), get caught up in how I think things should be and how other people oughta act. When they aren’t that way, I have a few choices. I can wonder what’s wrong with this picture or what’s right about it. It’s so easy to find fault, but so much more pleasurable to find contentment and cooperation. When in doubt, go for a win-win. Times when I become spiritually amnesiac also look like worry that that my needs won’t be taken care of.  How silly is that? I remind myself that I have survived everything that has ever happened in my life, since I am here to tell about it. That includes loss, death, illness, injury, robbery, accidents, losing a home in Hurricane Andrew, raising a child solo after being widowed, and working in a challenging and sometime dangerous setting. I would bet that if you look at your own life, you will shake your head in amazement at what you have made it through and wonder what got you through it all. For me, it was the 3 f’s of faith, family and friends and I’m grateful for them all.

Advertisement

Messages from Spirit (again, whatever that means for you) come in the form of dreams, animal messengers, literal messages in the form of words that show up in meditation, song lyrics, calls from friends….open to receiving their guidance. I look at many of my life experiences as the Nestea Plunge in which I fall backward, trusting that I will be safely caught and held. When I question, the answer I get is “Have I ever dropped you?  Have things ever not turned out even better than you, with your over the top vivid imagination could have conjured?” and I have to laugh and then sigh and then agree. And so it is…

http://youtu.be/fN5l-52LQRc   Bhaya Naash Mantra (Sanskrit Mantra For Overcoming Fear -Durga Devi Mantra) sung by Jitender Singh

Advertisement

Eternity Dancing

 

One of my favorite shows from the 1990’s is Northern Exposure.  The town of Cicily, Alaska is inhabited by quirky and delightful characters ranging from a New York City born and bred,  Columbia University educated doctor who received his schooling via a scholarship from the state of Alaska and his agreement was that he go there to serve as a physician to pay off the debt, to a female pilot who dropped in from Michigan who has outrageously bad luck with boyfriends who die under weird circumstances,  with whom he has a love/hate relationship, from a radio D.J. philosopher to a grandiose retired astronaut who owns most of the town. The two  Cicilians I am shining the spotlight on in the Bliss Blog today are Ed Chigliak and Ruthanne Miller. Ed is a 20-something year old young man abandoned at birth and raised by the native tribe in the region. An aspiring filmaker and Shaman in training, he is simultaneously naive and wise; always searching for his roots and wings. Ruthanne is the older woman who runs the town’s general store. A transplant from somewhere in the ‘lower forty eight’, she had made Cicily her home for the past 30 years or more. Feisty, with a vibrance that belies her age, she is determined to remain fiercly independent. Ruthanne has just turned 75 and to Ed’s dismay, he comes to the conclusion that his friend is really old and knocking on death’s door. He attempts to protect her from herself and ends up realizing that she has a full, rich life left.

Advertisement

He is puzzled about a birthday present for her and finally comes up with a ‘gift that keeps on giving.’ At her birthday party, he hands her a jar of soil and tells her that it is only a part of her gift. He  then takes her to a majestic spot  high in the mountains, overlooking a spectacular vista. “This is it.”, he informs her. “What, Ed,” Ruthanne replies. “Well, not all of it. Just from here to here,” he points out a plot approximately six foot by six foot. He hesitantly continues, “It’s a place for your gravesite. Do you like it?” After considering several responses, Ruthanne answers “Well, yes Ed, it’s a lovely spot to spend eternity. Now what shall we do?” Ed looks confused and then answers her, “What do you want to do?” A twinkle forms in her eyes and she says with playfulness., “Dance on my grave. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime, wouldn’t you say?.” Together they dance with abandon.

Advertisement

Everyday we are called on to step out of our comfort zones and expand our horizons. How often do we answer the call? We may fret about our limitations as Ed did. We may celebrate our experience and age as Ruthanne did. When in doubt…..dance~

 

http://youtu.be/LEU2gCSQ7jY Northern Exposure

http://www.moosefest.org/

http://www.moosechick.com/

 

 

Advertisement

A Silken Heart

 

 

A few years ago, I awoke from a rather strange and quite graphic dream in which I was still attending The New Seminary in NYC, studying to be an interfaith minister. In the waking world, I had already graduated years earlier. The setting was unfamiliar; not the sun drenched, tall windowed classroom on the Upper West Side of Manhattan I was accustomed to. The class was given an assignment, to create a special project that would symbolize who we were and wanted to show to the world once we were ordained. I was delighted with my creation and eagerly carried it to the dean, Reverend Diane Berke. In my outstretched hands, I held a heart shaped box. She opened it and inside beheld a pink silken heart. How it dazzled and shone, reflecting the emmanations of love. She reached in to lift it from the box and her hands dropped as if holding a great weight. With a dismayed look on her face, she handed it back to me and said, “Although this heart is certainly beautiful and reflective of who you are, it is very heavy. Please go back and work on it some more. When it’s lighter, bring it back to me.”  I placed the hefty heart back in its box and turned to walk away. At that point, I awoke, with a sense of what the dream was wanting to communicate. Diane, playing the role of my inner wisdom, was attempting to inform me that regardless of what image I intend to put forth, what will truly shine through is the lightness or heaviness of my heart. I know that my own grief process with the passing of my husband in 1998 (which is what led me to become ordained in 1999) and the subsequent deaths of my parents (dad in 2008 and mom in 2010) may take awhile to move through and I need to be patient with myself, rather than doing what I have been inclined to do throughout the process, which is to rush through in the illusory service of keepin’ on keepin’ on and getting things done, lest the world stop spinning.

Advertisement

Today I was having lunch with a dear friend who I have known for a little more than 8 years. He has seen me through some emotional roller coaster rides and has even taken some of them with me; sometimes with seat belt fastened, sometimes with arms in the air, screaming both in  joy and ‘holy shit terror’. I was sharing with him that since my mother’s death, I have felt a bit shut down emotionally. I used the phrase that I often do when describing my ongoing relationship with my parents, that “They raised me to be able to live without them.” He offered a somewhat sad and supportive smile and responded with something like it takes awhile to settle into the awareness of the loss or to integrate it. I told him that I have been cleaning out the room in my house for the past few days that holds their belongings and mine that I haven’t seen for a few years. Taking a trip down memory lane has been both fun and painful. Personal inquiry time as I look at photos of the 30-40 something year old woman who lived so many years as a (internally) raving co-dependent; not allowing the anger to surface often for fear of disapproval. Heavy heart ingredient for sure. Lately I have been having difficulty sleeping, with even more intense and vividly distressing dreams, being tossed and turned by gremlin-y thoughts, unresolved anger-it’s-not-fair-itis. Letting go over and over, of past gunk and junk that I have allowed to hold me back. I could literally feel the blood pulsing in my head with each distressing thought. Used reiki to soothe it back down and stabilize my heart rhythm. Our hearts are more than muscle, vein and blood. We have come to recognize them as a piece of our souls. I know that with each tear shed and each memory I allow to spring forth from the room marked OFF LIMITS, my heart lightens.

 

http://youtu.be/m0TfR9mgOiU Heartlight by Neil Diamond

Previous Posts

On My Way Back Home
Packed and ready to return home following a week in Hilton Head, SC with my friends Barb and Glenn. Feeling refreshed and revitalized. Like most vacations, it began ages ago and was over in the blink of an eye.  In a seven day span, I swam in ...

posted 9:17:08pm May. 22, 2015 | read full post »

The Lifeguard is Off Duty
On vacation for the week and while shopping in Hilton Head, I saw a t-shirt that read "Lifeguard off duty. Save yourself". I laughed as I purchased it for someone at home. I was tempted to get another one for myself, but I resisted. I was a ...

posted 9:45:16am May. 21, 2015 | read full post »

Our Final Thoughts
Earlier this year, I wrote an article that focused on the multitude of thoughts that careen through our heads and the impact they have on the shape our lives take. Going deeper, I have been exploring the trajectory from there to here and the ...

posted 11:08:09am May. 19, 2015 | read full post »

My To-Do List
Writing this the night before heading southward with my friends Barb and Glenn to Hilton Head, SC for a week of fun in the sun. It is the first long vacation I have had in more than a decade. They invited me to take the time to veg and just BE. ...

posted 9:09:30pm May. 15, 2015 | read full post »

Filling the Well
My friend Cass Forkin is a devout Catholic who doesn't merely pray. She walks the talk. Cass is the founder and director of The Twilight Wish Foundation that grants wishes for seniors. She is also, like me, a miracle manna-fester and consummate ...

posted 9:45:34pm May. 14, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.