Beliefnet
The Bliss Blog

saloondoor

I was musing about one of my biggest fears that was blown away like a dandelion puff when I disempowered it and instead, empowered myself. Prior to the health challenges of the past few years, I was utterly terrified that if I wasn’t ON, if I wasn’t the rock, the one others depended on, then I was of no value and that people would vanish. The silly story I was telling myself was that I was indispensable and that my clients needed me to fix, save, heal or cure them, that my family and friends would stop believing in me if I wasn’t available 24/7 to listen and hold space for them. What I have since learned is that it is total and utter balderdash. My arrogance was my downfall. It began with shingles in November of 2013, followed by a heart attack in June of 2014 and then a month later, kidney stones and a few months after that, a diagnosis of adrenal fatigue. I gave myself a reprieve, following a conscious health protocol and whole life makeover. The past few months have brought with them, bronchial distress, ribs injured from coughing and then an out of whack neck. I have allowed them to slow me down, but not stop completely since that is not my nature.  I am, however, conscious of the ways in which my intentions and actions impact my well-being. I have been napping more, going to bed earlier, listening to inspirational presentations and soothing music, as I am at the moment while typing these words. I have been more mindful of my comfort level when fulfilling people’s requests. I have beeing saying no without stuttering and saying yes with enthusiasm.

In having my heart being like a Western saloon swinging door, that anyone could pass through whenever they needed to, sometimes wearing muddy boots and spurs, I had no ability to monitor what energies I was allowing in. The sheriff was off duty and the deputy was taking a snooze. The piano player was merrily tickling the ivories and the dancing girls were atop the bar entertaining inebriated customers who were hootin’ and hollerin’. It was the perfect recipe for disaster.

What I have since learned is that in slowing down, I have let life catch up with me. In being discerning about who I allow into the inner sanctum, there is more room for myself. By saying no and yes with equal ease, I experience a greater sense of freedom. By treating myself as I would a Beloved Other, I welcome in more love. In offering myself the same love and compassion for the one in the mirror that I do those around me, I refill my tanks.  In emptying out old worn out beliefs, my life fills up with new and improved ones. In casting aside the old stories, I get to write new chapters. In letting go, I am able to draw in. It’s just like the cardiac muscle that needs to contract and expand to pump blood and the lungs that need to inhale and exhale. Can’t have one without the other.

I am realizing that there is a new sheriff in town, shiny badge pinned to her chest; no need for a sidearm in the wild and wooly west.

 

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