Lately I have taken to walk along the paths in beautiful Bucks County; a part of the country where I have lived since the mid 1980′s. It has rolling hills, Fall foliage which rivals that of New England, lovely meandering streams and the Delaware River where I have taken tube rides a few times. It feels like home. Today, while a light breeze moderated the 80 degree temps, I took a 30 minute walk as part of my cardiac care. The first few days back in June post heart attack, my steps were uncharacteristically slow, as if I was walking through a labyrinth since I got easily winded. These days, I can maintain a steady pace, not huffing and puffing as I had a few weeks ago. Chalk it up to intense workouts at cardiac rehab.
For me, walking is more than physical exercise now. It is an opportunity to be seduced by nature. Birds, butterflies and an occasional bee accompany me, along with neighbor dogs and their people that I happen to run into. This morning, I took particular notice of the voice of the trees as the wind danced through them. I listened, not only with my ears, but with my heart that has indeed become part of my sensory apparatus. I asked for a message and what came through was this “It’s really all going to be okay. All of the things you have worried about and denied worrying about, is handled. God’s got this. You can turn it over.” I knew that it included my health, circumstances for a family member facing challenges, re-creating my life, making major decisions about the next steps I am to take, even the state of the world. When before I felt responsible for all of it, I knew it was beyond my control at times. When before I thought I had to keep scrambling to make ends meet, I surrendered and the money flowed in. When before I assumed I would need to continue to juggle every aspect of my life without dropping any of the balls, I recognize that I can gently put them down and choose not to pick some of them up. When before I believed that I had to do what anyone asked of me to be a decent person, thought of as loving, kind and caring, I am certain that I really do get to choose what it is that I say yes and no to. When before I was convinced that I needed to work ‘crazy-busy hours’, I now know that I choose my own schedule, easing in rather than burning out.
I pray for the wisdom to heed those message since they are my medicine and the trees my healers.