Advertisement

The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Hurt People Hurt People?

Lately, I have been pondering this conundrum:
Why do people make violence acceptable? I see so many photos and videos of people hurting animals and people, images of abuse that whoever shot the films somehow think is cool. I understand why folks post them so that someone can identify the perpetrators and stop them. As a therapist for decades I have heard the adage that ‘hurt people hurt people'; but I know they don’t have to. I know that abuse, hitting, striking, shaking, spanking, threats to do these things, does psychological, physiological and neurological damage so that judgment is impaired and impulse control is poor. There are studies that validate this and yet it continues.
That doesn’t excuse it. Although I consider myself an optimist (and opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility), there are times when I feel really discouraged about the ways people interact with each other. I know that all I can do is be aware of my own behavior and the ways in which I relate to people in my life. If I am loving and ‘do no harm,’ then I am doing my part to increase the peace. If I allow anger and resentment to get the better of me, then I am feeding the collective soup pot with that energy as well.
Last night, I was having a conversation with a long time friend. We were both observing relationship patterns in our lives. Both seasoned women- she is divorced, I was widowed. Neither in a long term, committed relationship since our respective marriages ended. Although I say I want to be in partnership and (as a friend who studies astrology has told me over and over, that since I have so many planets in Libra, I am a relationship magnet- my work is all about relationships, including my radio show by that name)  I remain (mostly) blissfully single.  Part of it is conscious choice, part a lingering fear that I may attract what I recently referred to as another ‘paradoxical marriage’. My husband and I loved each other dearly and there were elements of co-dependence and dysfunction that we didn’t have the wherewithal at the time to manage or change. Some of it involved generational wounding.  Relationships are not 50/50. They are 100/100, as each person brings their history, baggage and beliefs to the table. His was about healing from family of origin addiction, abuse and mental health challenges and mine was about co-dependent ‘savior behavior’ and people pleasing. Not a great combination or indicator for a healthy relationship. He was a hurt person. I wanted to kiss the boo boos and make them better. I couldn’t. 
This, by the way, is not to martyr myself or make myself into some kind of hero. I had my own ‘mishegoss’ (Yiddish for crazy) going on. I simply want to understand the dynamics and change them for the next round of my life. I desire to be a force for good in all of my relationships and although I have experienced hurt (who hasn’t?), it is my solid intention to heal my own woundings so that I break the cycle.
Previous Posts

Pump Up The Volume
Having just returned from a workshop called Fearless Relating, facilitated by my friends Reid Mihalko and Monique Darling, I am awhirl with all kinds of ideas and awash in emotion. In the re-entry process, I am integrating what feels like a ...

posted 8:51:07am Apr. 27, 2015 | read full post »

The Event Will Go As The Event Will Go
  Rolling the clock back to the spring of 2005 and I find myself in the 5th floor walk up apartment in Manhattan of Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski. Surrounded by blankets, pillows and pj clad strangers, save my brave friend who ...

posted 10:47:25pm Apr. 23, 2015 | read full post »

Make Every Day Earth Day
I am an earnest Earth advocate since it is the only planet we have and I want it to continue to sustain life for a long time to come. I also honor what Gaia- the Greek name for the Goddess as embodied by the Earth,  does for us each day. She ...

posted 1:36:35pm Apr. 22, 2015 | read full post »

Life Is Lumpy
This morning, I was reading a newsletter sent by my friend Kurt Koontz. In it he was described his latest adventures in the Big Apple. He had taken a few forays to the 9/11 memorial and was deeply moved by what he saw there. Although I have not ...

posted 3:54:58pm Apr. 21, 2015 | read full post »

It's A Beautiful Morning
The peeking in sun woke me up before my intended arising time. Clearly, the day had other ideas for how I should be spending its first few hours. I so wanted to tumble back into slumber, but it wasn't gonna happen. Rolled over, turned on the ...

posted 8:32:31am Apr. 18, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.