The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Self Aware or Self Absorbed?

babytoes

 

Humans are full sensory beings and from the moment of our birth, we have access to sights, sounds, tastes, smells and feelings (emotional and physical). Babies explore the world with all they’ve got. Input is essential in order for them to grow into whole and complete adults. Sadly, some don’t- for many reasons which may have to do with the environment around them (people, places and things) and the inner choices (some unconscious) that they make about how the world is and what their place is in it. You will often see toes in little mouths, as favorite toys.

I was raised in a loving, nurturing, life enhancing family and community. Rarely did I feel limited in what I was capable of doing. Never was I told “You’ll never be…..do…..have….your dreams.” It was only later that I realized what an exception to the rule that was! I became a Type A, overachiever, co-dependent caregiver, determined to succeed at anything I did; sometimes at the cost of my health. I suppose I didn’t want to squander my parents’ faith in me or the gifts with which I had come into the world. I’ve seen that happen and I wonder why people do that.

Lately, I have been acutely aware of how often I ignored my environment, including my toes(:  I sometimes sleepwalked through my days on auto pilot. I kept on keepin’ on. I wore costumes that were bright and colorful, over the top, determined to be the troubadour who painted on a smile when I sometimes felt a deep sadness. After all, I reasoned that I had not a whole lot to complain about in my life. That left me incomplete, not unlike that child I referenced in the opening paragraph. I repressed emotions in the service of being of service. In that mix was my chosen identity of peacemaker, Little Shirley Temple, tap-dancing for approval, people pleaser, Wonder Woman, and the list goes on~

In the midst of writing this, I received a call from my BFF Barb who I have known since we were 14. She said something profound. She often does. “Now that you aren’t afraid to say no, more people are saying yes to you.” What she meant was that for so long, I was fearful of turning down opportunities to teach, speak, write or counsel since I thought that my livelihood came only from those sources. What I have learned is that the ultimate Source of my sustenance is Spirit. We are in cahoots; a team.

As life would have it, the cardiac event continues to be a clarion call that has me mindful (rather than mind-full-to-overflowing) of everything I am doing. I move with Zen-like slowness of necessity, to catch my breath. When once I ‘grabbed a meal’, ‘hopped in the shower’, ‘ran here, there and everywhere,’ now I am conscious of my choices and actions. I don’t have the luxury of being on auto-pilot. I used to take pride in being a consummate multi-tasker; wearing it like a badge of honor. Now I shake my head in bewilderment about how I was able to keep so many plates spinning without dropping them. I no longer desire to be that woman; although she was part of my evolution. I honor what it took for her to become the me who is typing these words.

I ask the ‘Powers that Be’ for the ability and willingness to maintain self awareness without lapsing into self absorption.



Previous Posts

Don't Give Up
As I am in the middle of the fifth decade of my life, the world has become a patchwork quilt of experiences. In the last 55 years, I have splashed in puddles of joy and gasped for air while feeling like I was drowning in sorrow. I have been clutched by fear and basked in light. Through it all, I hav

posted 8:53:03am Aug. 28, 2014 | read full post »

Heaven On Earth
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posted 9:47:47pm Aug. 26, 2014 | read full post »

With An Open Hand
  When you consider all of the things that you desire; from relationships to abundance, from faith to freedom, from possessions to passion, how do you hold them?  What I mean by that is this:  do you hold them with a closed fist; grasping, clinging as if for dear life or can you let go a b

posted 9:07:21pm Aug. 25, 2014 | read full post »

The Art of Surrender
On Saturday, I began my day in retrospective musing. Listening to Ellis Paul singing Dragonfly  on Sleepy Hollow  to greet the sun. Was reading earlier entries down my time line on Facebook and marveled at how far I have come since everything changed with the 'cardiac event' on June 12th. It was o

posted 10:31:49am Aug. 24, 2014 | read full post »

Disney Daring
  I am no longer a Disneyland virgin. Yesterday was my very first day in "The Happiest Place on Earth".  Earned my ears (although I didn't buy any(: Went on Soarin' Over California, Monsters, Inc, and then to earn street cred, had to up the amps and do California Scream, then Cars, then Thu

posted 11:02:37am Aug. 21, 2014 | read full post »




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