The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Living in the Questions

blue-cloud-cielo-1455482-m

 

Since I don’t have a television, the only times I watch are at the gym, at other people’s homes or (as I am doing right now), in the hospital. Propped up in bed with yet another health challenge. A little more than a month ago, it was a heart attack. Back in November, it was shingles and in September, a knee injury. This time it is kidney stones. One jumped ship on Friday, another yesterday and  a buddy of theirs is still on board according to the ultra-sound I had today. One of the shows I have wanted to watch for awhile is SuperSoul Sunday. In this episode, Oprah was on one side of the microphone and author Dani Shapiro, who wrote a number of books- most recently one called Devotion, which I have not yet read, was on the other. Oprah reflected on a question that Dani’s son Jacob had asked, if his mom believed in God.  “Yes, I believe in God. I believe that there is an invisible fabric that connects us all and that God is here for all of us, for everyone.”  and then she added “He’s watched his mother live in the questions. I brought God into our home by living with the questions, not having to come up with the answers.”

Living in the questions is often challenging for me, since as a therapist, I have wanted to understand what makes people (including myself) tick. I dig and delve into the stories that led them from where they were to where they are now.  Not so much so I can know ‘why,’ since that is a useless question. The answer is sometimes ‘because’. It is more a function of recognizing that answers are sometimes there. And as a therapist/teacher/author, I feel responsible for helping people discover them.  Living in the question implies a broad sense of trust that no matter what happens, we are safe and held. I am able to go to that place sometimes, but still struggle with total surrender.

I am in such a place at the moment. Waiting for the doc to sign the discharge orders to spring me from this joint. More changes afoot with this stay. Alteration in diet, meds and mindset. Feeling and being. Human and vulnerable. Allowing for emotions to flow instead of toughing it out. Letting people take care of me. Accepting love and not just giving it lip service.

Living in the question means I may never know how these medical conditions manifested in my life. I can make an educated guess, that stress and co-dependent caregiving had something to do with it. I can imagine that repressed grief over my parents’ deaths in the last few years contributed. Poor sleep, emotional eating, pushing myself beyond my limits are markers as well. Some could say that they are metaphors for a need to receive and let go.

Regardless of whether I will ever be certain, I am called on to live in ‘the just don’t know.’  May I do it with greater ease and grace every day.

Photo credit:  ? by orsorama/everystockphoto

 



Previous Posts

Invulnerable and Invincible?
  Yesterday, in the midst of a radio interview with Kerri Kannan,  I was asked a question about vulnerability. It is a topic that has become as familiar as the fingers typing these words. I was awakened to it when viewing a TEDTalk by Brene' Brown a year or so ago. It doesn't come easily to

posted 10:24:20pm Sep. 18, 2014 | read full post »

The Now What Club
This morning, I joined two dear friends for brunch at Mal's Diner in Skippack, PA.  After a heart-healthy workout in cardiac rehab, I had a heart- happy  meal of egg whites, spinach (no cheese), fresh fruit instead of home fries and dry (no butter) whole grain toast. Yvonne Kaye has been my mentor

posted 10:10:09pm Sep. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Enjoy Every Moment
Feeling emotionally raw at the moment, having just returned from a day of honoring my friend Delane Lipka. I had written about another extraordinary day in a previous Beliefnet article called In the Garden of Eden that described a gathering of kindred spirits that had been organized by Delane. For d

posted 10:03:50pm Sep. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Cardia-versary
This morning marks 3 months since I experienced the kind of pain that cracks you open and has you revealing the emotional viscera that had long lay dormant. Literally at this moment, I was captured by the symptoms of a heart attack- searing heart burn pain, jaw tightness and wringing wet sweats. I s

posted 10:56:19am Sep. 12, 2014 | read full post »

Cosmic Coincidence
My definition of cosmic coincidence are those events that have me shaking my head in bewildered awe, asking "What are the chances that such a thing could happen?"  My answer is always the same. "100%, since it occurred." It is that encounter with just the right person, hearing a song on the radio r

posted 10:05:23pm Sep. 10, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.