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The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Tiptoeing Tentatively

onefoot

 

If circumstances were different, I would be dancing into a Solstice celebration tonight. I was invited to three events that all involve music, fun, friends, food and a tribal welcoming in of the longest day of the year that heralds Summer in the Northern hemisphere. As joyful as that all sounds, instead I am lying in bed, propped up with pillows, continuing my recovery process. A week ago, I got sprung from the hospital and did my best to live a scaled down version of an otherwise over the top insanely busy life. I have slept and wept, been driven places I would have easily transported myself to and been driven crazy by my own self critical thoughts. I have felt easy and queasy. I have allowed myself to be taken care of by family and friends, when, fiercely independent, would have balked at it before. I have taken a long look at the steps I took to arrive at this place and have written about it in previous  Bliss Blog entries this past week. Each one peeled off another layer of denial and bringing forth awareness of my next steps.

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Like many survivors of cardiac events, I am called on to be attentive to physical sensations, so I am noticing every little twinge and tweak. Since my sister went through this experience last year, I ask her copious amounts of questions. Since a close friend is a nurse, she too is a go-to person for questions that may seem silly on the surface, but it is untrodden territory for me. On top of that, my insurance company has assigned me a nurse/coach and I will begin cardiac rehab in a few weeks. Team Edie seems to be growing exponentially. Weird for a woman who is the cheerleader for others, is now surrounded by them. Maybe I always was and just didn’t realize it.

Since this is a new adventure for me, I find myself being hesitant and not self assured as is my M.O.  Am I doing too much?  Not enough? Just right?  A Goldilocks dilemma if ever there was one. Who is this woman who is tiptoeing tentatively? Some days I don’t recognize her. Her ‘normal world’ of daily clients, copious amounts of articles and a whirlwind of social activities has not quite ground to a halt, but is going on without her.  Although no one is replaceable, no one is indispensable either. If I don’t do what I did before, somehow things will get taken care of anyway. It doesn’t mean I am being irresponsible, as I would have thought before. It means that I am being responsible to myself and not responsible for others.

Baby steps~

Photo credit  Foot one-one foot by fortune cookie/flickr

Previous Posts

Pulling Weeds
      After a muggy, steamy mid Spring day in beautiful Bucks County, PA, the heavens opened and rain poured down. Rumbling thunder, a wee bit of lightning and then sunshine prevailed. I went outside in search of a ...

posted 9:44:30pm May. 28, 2015 | read full post »

Is Love Being Served?
"You've got to learn to get up from the table when love's no longer being served."- Nina Simone If you are the only one cooking, serving, clearing the table, washing the dishes and putting the leftovers away, it's time to invite better ...

posted 9:28:05pm May. 27, 2015 | read full post »

You Are What You Choose To Be
This morning, I heard this Jackson Browne classic called The Fuse that was the perfect prelude to an interview I had with Beth Long who is the editor of Doylestown Hospital's news letter. She and I had last had a sit down conversation right ...

posted 6:50:34pm May. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Wars Not Make One Great
Today is Memorial Day in the U.S. which commemorates those whose lives have been taken on the battlefield. It has become a harbinger of summer, although the season doesn't officially begin until the solstice on June 21st at 12:38pm. Cookouts, ...

posted 2:57:32pm May. 25, 2015 | read full post »

On My Way Back Home
Packed and ready to return home following a week in Hilton Head, SC with my friends Barb and Glenn. Feeling refreshed and revitalized. Like most vacations, it began ages ago and was over in the blink of an eye.  In a seven day span, I swam in ...

posted 9:17:08pm May. 22, 2015 | read full post »

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