The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Tiptoeing Tentatively



If circumstances were different, I would be dancing into a Solstice celebration tonight. I was invited to three events that all involve music, fun, friends, food and a tribal welcoming in of the longest day of the year that heralds Summer in the Northern hemisphere. As joyful as that all sounds, instead I am lying in bed, propped up with pillows, continuing my recovery process. A week ago, I got sprung from the hospital and did my best to live a scaled down version of an otherwise over the top insanely busy life. I have slept and wept, been driven places I would have easily transported myself to and been driven crazy by my own self critical thoughts. I have felt easy and queasy. I have allowed myself to be taken care of by family and friends, when, fiercely independent, would have balked at it before. I have taken a long look at the steps I took to arrive at this place and have written about it in previous  Bliss Blog entries this past week. Each one peeled off another layer of denial and bringing forth awareness of my next steps.


Like many survivors of cardiac events, I am called on to be attentive to physical sensations, so I am noticing every little twinge and tweak. Since my sister went through this experience last year, I ask her copious amounts of questions. Since a close friend is a nurse, she too is a go-to person for questions that may seem silly on the surface, but it is untrodden territory for me. On top of that, my insurance company has assigned me a nurse/coach and I will begin cardiac rehab in a few weeks. Team Edie seems to be growing exponentially. Weird for a woman who is the cheerleader for others, is now surrounded by them. Maybe I always was and just didn’t realize it.

Since this is a new adventure for me, I find myself being hesitant and not self assured as is my M.O.  Am I doing too much?  Not enough? Just right?  A Goldilocks dilemma if ever there was one. Who is this woman who is tiptoeing tentatively? Some days I don’t recognize her. Her ‘normal world’ of daily clients, copious amounts of articles and a whirlwind of social activities has not quite ground to a halt, but is going on without her.  Although no one is replaceable, no one is indispensable either. If I don’t do what I did before, somehow things will get taken care of anyway. It doesn’t mean I am being irresponsible, as I would have thought before. It means that I am being responsible to myself and not responsible for others.

Baby steps~

Photo credit  Foot one-one foot by fortune cookie/flickr

Previous Posts

Creating A Life That You Love
In the past few days, events in my life have felt tumbled and tossed, necessitating regaining my footing, calling on family and friends for emotional support and guidance, and even more importantly, my deep and abiding faith that all is in ...

posted 8:47:15am Oct. 08, 2015 | read full post »

Down (sized) But Not Out
It's the news no one wants to hear. "Due to cost cutting measures, your position has been eliminated."  A job that I had been recruited for and dove into for more than a year, is no longer. My initial reaction was a mild emotional freak-out ...

posted 10:48:39pm Oct. 06, 2015 | read full post »

Wedding Wonders
One of my greatest joys in my role as an interfaith minister, is officiating at weddings. Although I have lost count, I estimate that I have married over 300 couples since being ordained in 1999. Mixed gender and same sex couples have walked ...

posted 10:09:09am Oct. 04, 2015 | read full post »

A Living, Breathing Dichotomy
Writing this while listening to my favorite radio station, WXPN, based here in the Philly area. Feet tapping along to the music, bopping into my day. Harry Connick, Jr. is serenading me at the moment. Awoke at the crack of dawn as has been my ...

posted 8:43:12am Oct. 01, 2015 | read full post »

Parenting For Life- An Interview With Author Nina Sidell
It's been said that children don't come into the world with a how-to manual. Most parents find their way through the sometimes bewildering maze of parenthood on auto pilot or through the ways in which previous generations raised them and their ...

posted 5:25:37pm Sep. 30, 2015 | read full post »


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