Advertisement

The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Tiptoeing Tentatively

onefoot

 

If circumstances were different, I would be dancing into a Solstice celebration tonight. I was invited to three events that all involve music, fun, friends, food and a tribal welcoming in of the longest day of the year that heralds Summer in the Northern hemisphere. As joyful as that all sounds, instead I am lying in bed, propped up with pillows, continuing my recovery process. A week ago, I got sprung from the hospital and did my best to live a scaled down version of an otherwise over the top insanely busy life. I have slept and wept, been driven places I would have easily transported myself to and been driven crazy by my own self critical thoughts. I have felt easy and queasy. I have allowed myself to be taken care of by family and friends, when, fiercely independent, would have balked at it before. I have taken a long look at the steps I took to arrive at this place and have written about it in previous  Bliss Blog entries this past week. Each one peeled off another layer of denial and bringing forth awareness of my next steps.

Advertisement

Like many survivors of cardiac events, I am called on to be attentive to physical sensations, so I am noticing every little twinge and tweak. Since my sister went through this experience last year, I ask her copious amounts of questions. Since a close friend is a nurse, she too is a go-to person for questions that may seem silly on the surface, but it is untrodden territory for me. On top of that, my insurance company has assigned me a nurse/coach and I will begin cardiac rehab in a few weeks. Team Edie seems to be growing exponentially. Weird for a woman who is the cheerleader for others, is now surrounded by them. Maybe I always was and just didn’t realize it.

Since this is a new adventure for me, I find myself being hesitant and not self assured as is my M.O.  Am I doing too much?  Not enough? Just right?  A Goldilocks dilemma if ever there was one. Who is this woman who is tiptoeing tentatively? Some days I don’t recognize her. Her ‘normal world’ of daily clients, copious amounts of articles and a whirlwind of social activities has not quite ground to a halt, but is going on without her.  Although no one is replaceable, no one is indispensable either. If I don’t do what I did before, somehow things will get taken care of anyway. It doesn’t mean I am being irresponsible, as I would have thought before. It means that I am being responsible to myself and not responsible for others.

Baby steps~

Photo credit  Foot one-one foot by fortune cookie/flickr

Previous Posts

How Do You Define Success?
When you hear the word 'success,' what comes to mind?  Do images of wealth, accumulation of objects, travel, prestige, a large home and hoards of people singing your praises float on through? For many, that is the 'gold standard'. We are ...

posted 9:18:39am Sep. 03, 2015 | read full post »

Push or Flow?
I read a marvelous bit of wisdom this morning. It was written by Barry Kerzin, MD , a Buddhist Monk who is the founder of the Human Values Institute. It touched a chord that had me reverberating in the key of ooooohhh yessss. "When ...

posted 9:17:28am Sep. 01, 2015 | read full post »

Facing Life: A Ten Week Journey-Week Nine
Just returned from a one week Jamaican journey and  Debra/Deva Troy  had come back from her own vacation, so there was a two week space in our experience with the modality called Facial Reflex Therapy created by Lone Sorensen. It allowed ...

posted 8:32:08am Aug. 31, 2015 | read full post »

Emotional Weather
I am a Force of Nature. So are you. So is everyone else on the planet. We are affected by the moon, the tides, the barometric pressure. When the winter comes and the sun isn't as visible, people experience Seasonal Affective Disorder (aptly ...

posted 8:19:45am Aug. 28, 2015 | read full post »

What Sustains You?
“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”- Julian of Norwich In your darkest, most frightening moments, what sustains you? What has you knowing that all is well?  For me, it is a deep spiritual ...

posted 11:02:08pm Aug. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.