The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Tiptoeing Tentatively

onefoot

 

If circumstances were different, I would be dancing into a Solstice celebration tonight. I was invited to three events that all involve music, fun, friends, food and a tribal welcoming in of the longest day of the year that heralds Summer in the Northern hemisphere. As joyful as that all sounds, instead I am lying in bed, propped up with pillows, continuing my recovery process. A week ago, I got sprung from the hospital and did my best to live a scaled down version of an otherwise over the top insanely busy life. I have slept and wept, been driven places I would have easily transported myself to and been driven crazy by my own self critical thoughts. I have felt easy and queasy. I have allowed myself to be taken care of by family and friends, when, fiercely independent, would have balked at it before. I have taken a long look at the steps I took to arrive at this place and have written about it in previous  Bliss Blog entries this past week. Each one peeled off another layer of denial and bringing forth awareness of my next steps.

Like many survivors of cardiac events, I am called on to be attentive to physical sensations, so I am noticing every little twinge and tweak. Since my sister went through this experience last year, I ask her copious amounts of questions. Since a close friend is a nurse, she too is a go-to person for questions that may seem silly on the surface, but it is untrodden territory for me. On top of that, my insurance company has assigned me a nurse/coach and I will begin cardiac rehab in a few weeks. Team Edie seems to be growing exponentially. Weird for a woman who is the cheerleader for others, is now surrounded by them. Maybe I always was and just didn’t realize it.

Since this is a new adventure for me, I find myself being hesitant and not self assured as is my M.O.  Am I doing too much?  Not enough? Just right?  A Goldilocks dilemma if ever there was one. Who is this woman who is tiptoeing tentatively? Some days I don’t recognize her. Her ‘normal world’ of daily clients, copious amounts of articles and a whirlwind of social activities has not quite ground to a halt, but is going on without her.  Although no one is replaceable, no one is indispensable either. If I don’t do what I did before, somehow things will get taken care of anyway. It doesn’t mean I am being irresponsible, as I would have thought before. It means that I am being responsible to myself and not responsible for others.

Baby steps~

Photo credit  Foot one-one foot by fortune cookie/flickr



Previous Posts

Pass It Onword
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posted 6:55:55pm Dec. 18, 2014 | read full post »

How We Grieve
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posted 1:24:56pm Dec. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Recovering Human Doing
Lounging in bed, surrounded by lots of pillows and snuggled under quilts as I am typing these words. It is a drowsy, dozy Sunday morning. The radio is playing easing into my day tunes.  My standard weekend fare begins with Sleepy Hollow on WXPN which is a Philly based member supported Public Radio

posted 8:56:41am Dec. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Profoundly Honest
"We must learn to be profoundly honest."-Panache Desai Wise words from one of the most engaging speakers I have had the pleasure of hearing. Back in 2011, I attended the Celebrate Your Life Conference in Phoenix, Arizona. I had not, at that point, known of the British born teacher who exudes a s

posted 8:51:37am Dec. 12, 2014 | read full post »

Thriving Artist
Last night, I attended a holiday gathering for a group of talented artists, writers, publishers, radio hosts, producers, as well as PR and marketing folks. Needless to say, I was in my idea of heaven. The Center City Philadelphia Restaurant where it was held is called Bliss. What a perfect place for

posted 10:50:24am Dec. 10, 2014 | read full post »




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