The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Tiptoeing Tentatively

onefoot

 

If circumstances were different, I would be dancing into a Solstice celebration tonight. I was invited to three events that all involve music, fun, friends, food and a tribal welcoming in of the longest day of the year that heralds Summer in the Northern hemisphere. As joyful as that all sounds, instead I am lying in bed, propped up with pillows, continuing my recovery process. A week ago, I got sprung from the hospital and did my best to live a scaled down version of an otherwise over the top insanely busy life. I have slept and wept, been driven places I would have easily transported myself to and been driven crazy by my own self critical thoughts. I have felt easy and queasy. I have allowed myself to be taken care of by family and friends, when, fiercely independent, would have balked at it before. I have taken a long look at the steps I took to arrive at this place and have written about it in previous  Bliss Blog entries this past week. Each one peeled off another layer of denial and bringing forth awareness of my next steps.

Like many survivors of cardiac events, I am called on to be attentive to physical sensations, so I am noticing every little twinge and tweak. Since my sister went through this experience last year, I ask her copious amounts of questions. Since a close friend is a nurse, she too is a go-to person for questions that may seem silly on the surface, but it is untrodden territory for me. On top of that, my insurance company has assigned me a nurse/coach and I will begin cardiac rehab in a few weeks. Team Edie seems to be growing exponentially. Weird for a woman who is the cheerleader for others, is now surrounded by them. Maybe I always was and just didn’t realize it.

Since this is a new adventure for me, I find myself being hesitant and not self assured as is my M.O.  Am I doing too much?  Not enough? Just right?  A Goldilocks dilemma if ever there was one. Who is this woman who is tiptoeing tentatively? Some days I don’t recognize her. Her ‘normal world’ of daily clients, copious amounts of articles and a whirlwind of social activities has not quite ground to a halt, but is going on without her.  Although no one is replaceable, no one is indispensable either. If I don’t do what I did before, somehow things will get taken care of anyway. It doesn’t mean I am being irresponsible, as I would have thought before. It means that I am being responsible to myself and not responsible for others.

Baby steps~

Photo credit  Foot one-one foot by fortune cookie/flickr



Previous Posts

Full Circle Experience
  With Christine Lavin and Julie Gold Had a full circle experience on Sunday, when I walked through the doors of the Unitarian Church at 21st and Chestnut in Philly to celebrate the 80th birthday and illustrious career of music legend Gene Shay. He had been the host of folk shows on

posted 9:50:13pm Mar. 02, 2015 | read full post »

Living With Grace, Flow and Ease-Book Review
  What if you could invite three angels into your home who would accompany you through your days, assisting you in having, as I like to refer to it, a 'rich, full, juicy life'? Would you issue a call and then keep the door open to welcome them in? Reading the book Living with Grace, F

posted 7:45:33am Feb. 28, 2015 | read full post »

The Sound of the Dove-Music Review
  "If you could combine the compelling voices of fellow Canadians Sarah McLachlan and Loreena McKennitt, with the soaring throat notes of kirtan singer; best known as Madonna's back up singer, Donna DeLory, you would have a sense of the magnificent tonings and tunes of Pamela Jane Gerr

posted 3:59:41pm Feb. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Bucket List
I awoke in the wee hours this morning, from a dream about my parents. Both passed in the last few years; my dad in 2008 and my mom in 2010. They were the dearest people in my life; teachers, guides, providers, cheerleaders and guardians of my heart and soul. Although I know that they are safe and so

posted 9:43:22pm Feb. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Living in Your God-ness
There are some people who come into our lives at a point in time when we are entering a new way of being. They plant seeds and are not necessarily a regular part of our days. Kind of like music in the background that puts a smile on your face when you hear it. Such has been the case with my friend

posted 10:52:02am Feb. 23, 2015 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.