The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

The Hole in the Donut


A few weeks ago, I wrote an article for a monthly magazine that has been a home for my words for awhile. It’s  called Inner Child Magazine which is the heart and brain-child of Janet Caldwell and William F. Peters, Jr.  The piece is called Is Holding On Keeping You From Letting Go?  In it, I explored the dynamics of clinging to what we treasure and what we find distasteful or downright destructive, even as we fear leaving it behind. One of the things that some of us were reluctantly releasing was the life of a dear friend named Shaun Stephenson. A dynamic Force of Nature, I met her only a few years ago, but felt as if I had known her forever. I’m sure you have folks that like in your life. The Gaelic term for that type of relationship is ‘anam cara’, which translates to ‘soul friend’. She was indeed that for many of us. After moving cross country from New Jersey to Sedona, Arizona to begin a new life, she found herself on the unexpected path of traveling with cancer. She rallied for quite awhile and then surrendered to what was eventually an inevitability . Since I wrote the article, she did indeed make her transition on May 18, 2014. Loved ones seen and unseen surrounded her. Like many who were not physically in the room with her, I felt the presence of divinity when she crossed the veil. We became family of choice.


When I shared the article with a Facebook group that had begun around the time Shaun entered hospice, one of the women named Wendy Manganaro responded with grace and eloquence:

“Letting go of old ideas when it’s the only reference of “normal” for me was one of the hardest things. For a long time, I felt like if I let go of this behavior, this person, etc., where would this leave me? How would life be? Would I be the hole in the donut? It took me many years to realize, so what if I’m the hole in the donut? It’s a big enough space to create a new donut around me.

More importantly, the longer I build upon my new life, the harder it is for others to realize that I have was ever another way. Yet, when we walk through things and we see another person going through what we went through and not letting go, we realize at that point, our story of how we got out of the depths of our sometime own despair and we can use that story to help someone else get out too.”


Wowzers~  when I read that, it completely rang a bell in my head, since for such a long time, I had lived as if I was only as loveable and acceptable as others believed me to be as evidenced by their actions. If they approved of what I was doing, then the donut hole was full. If not, I was waiting with anticipation for the next ‘baker’ to fill it up. These days, I am content to have it either way. Filling up and spilling over is an inside job and the sweetness remains long after the vacancy.

Time to make the donuts~


photo credit: jordanpattern via photopin cc
Previous Posts

Wedding Wonders
One of my greatest joys in my role as an interfaith minister, is officiating at weddings. Although I have lost count, I estimate that I have married over 300 couples since being ordained in 1999. Mixed gender and same sex couples have walked ...

posted 10:09:09am Oct. 04, 2015 | read full post »

A Living, Breathing Dichotomy
Writing this while listening to my favorite radio station, WXPN, based here in the Philly area. Feet tapping along to the music, bopping into my day. Harry Connick, Jr. is serenading me at the moment. Awoke at the crack of dawn as has been my ...

posted 8:43:12am Oct. 01, 2015 | read full post »

Parenting For Life- An Interview With Author Nina Sidell
  It's been said that children don't come into the world with a how-to manual. Most parents find their way through the sometimes bewildering maze of parenthood on auto pilot or through the ways in which previous generations raised them ...

posted 5:25:37pm Sep. 30, 2015 | read full post »

Intentional and Attentional
We share the planet with more than 7.3 billion people. Most we will never meet and yet each one of our choices impacts on the lives of the others. How we treat each other determines the quality of our lives. Do we consider the impact of our ...

posted 8:38:53am Sep. 27, 2015 | read full post »

For The Common Good
Like many around the globe, I have been following the journey of Pope Francis with interest. I was raised Jewish and am an interfaith minister, so the idea of a spiritual leader also being a diplomat, traveling to the United States fascinates ...

posted 7:38:50am Sep. 26, 2015 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.