Uncharacteristically quiet inside. The air conditioner and my roommate speaking with her husband on the other side of the burgundy curtain, with the occasional beeps in the hallway are the only interruptions. On a ‘normal day,’ I would be at work, seeing clients. Yesterday initiated a series of abnormal days. I had gone to the gym for my regular workout/playout. Did weights and cardio; no hint of what was to occur on the ride home. Jaw tightness, drenching sweat, heartburn sensation in my chest and back. I didn’t need my psychic abilities to tell me that my heart was in distress. Because my sister had a ‘cardiac event’ last year with the same symptoms, I got to the ER at Doylestown Hospital pronto and within an hour after the first blip, a stent was placed in a closed artery and I find myself luxuriating in a hospital bed with a tree top view. I reconciled myself to needing to remain mostly horizontal for the next few days; although I am encouraged to walk to keep the circulation going and energy flowing. As if they could stop me.
Yesterday, when all of this was occurring, I felt at times as if I was observing myself making phone calls to cancel client appointments even before I drove to the ER. I don’t recommend either of those actions, by the way, since I could have jeopardized by own safety and that of others on the road. Thank goodness my guardian angels were on the road too.
God had a powerful way of getting my attention, since although I thought I had been ‘doing the right things’ by working out, thinking positively, surrounding myself with loving supports, eating a mostly healthy diet, clearly a big missing piece was radical self care. I am adept at taking care of others; always have been, but when it comes to letting others do for me….not so much. I teach this stuff on a regular basis to my clients and students, so why wasn’t I listening to my own sage advice? Not sure, except that I had been doing it for so long, that I did not know how not to. I guess I will be learning.
I also know that God has a way of bringing people together. My roommate is a near septuagenarian who will be 70 shortly. She came in for a cardiac condition as well. We have been speaking about our experiences that led us to where we each are in our lives. Beth is a retired teacher whose spiritual beliefs are fairly mainstream Christian, but she is open to honoring other faith traditions. She acknowledged the miracle factor in our arrival here. One of the things that Beth mentioned is a belief that I hold dear. She disavows the idea of calling a condition ‘my’…… I am unwilling to call this ‘my cardiac condition,’ or even refer to it as a heart attack, instead referring to it as ‘a heart opening’. I feel so much more open and receptive to new ways of being; not willing to sacrifice my life at the altar of work-aholism, to which I had been dedicated for far too long.
I am grateful that I heeded the call of the Universe and am allowing others to do for me, what I arrogantly believed only I could do for myself. I am resting and intend to do so next week, before resuming a much altered schedule. I am blessed to have so many loving, wonderful people in my life. And to Beth, who referred to us as ‘kindred hearts’, I am honored to know you.
Photo credit: Clarita hearthCN9611.jpg