As if by Divine invitation (what other type is there?), I received a phone call just now from my dear friend Dr. Murray Needleman. I was thinking about him this morning, so naturally, he called. I have known Murray since the 1980′s when he hosted a weekly radio program here in the Philly area on what was then a talk station called WWDB 96.5 fm. His Friday night confab around the proverbial campfire was inspirational and in many ways, a model for my own radio program called It’s All About Relationships. Murray can best be described as an eclectic soul who is tapped into the universal energy grid, heart of gold, a Philly attytood to go with it, and who has an encyclopedic knowledge of therapeutic techniques that are tried and true. He seems to have a knack for knowing what to say and how to say it, to have me responding with a ‘hmmmm….’ and shows up just when I need him.
Last night, I was painfully aware of the ways in which I have been expecting myself to be switched ON constantly. There for my clients. There for my friends and family. Not there for me. As a result, I experienced a one way flow. Think about the idea of exhaling and then not inhaling. It wasn’t that most people in my personal life were unwilling to be there for me to offer love and support. It was that I wasn’t willing or able to receive it as it was sent. I deflected it, rather than absorbed it. My cardiac muscle reflected what my heart chakra (Anahata in Sanskrit) was feeling and an artery closed down for business, requiring a stent to open it. A new life has begun for me.
When I contemplated my old pattern of offering therapy for my clients, I shudder when I recall a desire to constantly be coming up with ideas and interventions, strategies and tools to meet their needs. It was exhausting. When I shared that with Murray, he laughed and even before he said the words, I heard “Just show up.” That’s it. All of the abracadabra dazzling therapeutic tools don’t mean a hill of beans without full presence. How could I be present when I thought I was in a struggle to save or enhance their lives? How arrogant to think that I had to or even could. As I took a step back, I had a sense of peace about it.
Murray then offered a final piece of wisdom. He said that even when I didn’t think I was on, I really was, since I was ‘soul powered.’ I will remember to tap into that Source when I am deluded enough to think I can and need to do it myself.
Photo credit: Shake Your Tail Feather/marya/flckr