The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


prn Friends

When I was a kid, I remember my mother talking about people who were ‘fair weather friends’; only around in the good times and disappeared when the skies got cloudy. I was determined never to be that. I’ve done my share of dancing in the rain with friends, as they have with me. We have waded through mud and splashed in puddles; we have bailed each other out of messy and mucky situations and have welcomed the liquid nourishment when our life landscapes have been parched.
I am blessed to have had very few who were only around when the sun was shining, since they were unable or unwilling to weather storms together.  I do have a motley crew of fun companions and anam cara (Gaelic for ‘soul friends’) who I can count on and who can count on me.
I was just thinking recently that there is another category of folks that I would call ‘prn friends’. In medical terms, prn means “when necessary” (from the Latin “pro re nata”, for an occasion that has arisen, as circumstances require, as needed.”)  I imagine you know people like that who only show up when they want something from you, whether it is time, attention, money, favors, sex…. There was a time when I didn’t know how to set boundaries, since I was such an emotional contortionist who would bend over backward to please people. These days, I can sense them a mile away and steer clear. I value mutually supportive (and as my father used to say) “one hand washes the other” relationships.
Why had I ‘invited’ them in, in the first place, or allowed them to remain when I clearly knew they were unhealthy, or downright toxic at times?  Mostly because I thought I could charm, beguile or otherwise entice them to be more supportive or demonstrative. Surely, if they saw my value, they would want to stick around when I needed them too. In retrospect, it feels manipulative. All part and parcel of the co-dependent dynamics that had long ruled and run my life. On the surface, it looked like I was everyone’s sweetheart, so how could anyone resist my appeal?  A few days ago, when chatting with a friend, she commented something like “You are so well loved.” indicating that everyone in our circles was drawn to me.  I shared with her that although I have many people in my life, there are only a handful that I truly let into the inner sanctum. I have this image to project and protect, you know. If everyone knew my (not so secret) secret that I feel angry, sad, scared, jealous, judgmental, frustration, loss, despondent….human, they would vanish into vapor.  Guess what….no one has…HAH, take that, monkey- mind-fire-breathing-dragon-inner-critic that doesn’t want me to give it a rest!  Even when I woke up this morning before 4 a.m. with the ‘not enough litany’ running through my mind, I was able to rock it back to sleep and then came a dream in which, once again, I couldn’t keep up with my intentions, lost my purse (found it in a snow drift, intact), had one hour to prep for a wedding I was to officiate and hadn’t even written the ceremony and wasn’t dressed for the role.  Good thing I woke up and all was well…whew!
Perhaps my own mind is a prn friend who flakes on me when I need it most.
http://youtu.be/pWlQl69Ps6E  Friends by Bette Midler


Previous Posts

In The Garden of Eden
I spent the day today basking in the sun, dashing in the rain, lounging in a hammock, enjoying healthy munchies, singing, dancing, drumming, hugging, smiling, laughing; all in the presence of kindred spirits. No wonder the event I attended was called Kindred Spirits Labor Day of Love. I was surround

posted 10:59:51pm Sep. 01, 2014 | read full post »

Resurrection
      Last night I watched one of my favorite movies that debuted in 1980. Resurrection starred Ellen Burstyn, Sam Shepard, Eva Le Galliene, Richard Farnsworth and Roberts Blossom. It is the story of Edna Mae McCauley, who in the first 10 minutes or so of the film, has a

posted 3:49:27pm Aug. 29, 2014 | read full post »

Don't Give Up
As I am in the middle of the fifth decade of my life, the world has become a patchwork quilt of experiences. In the last 55 years, I have splashed in puddles of joy and gasped for air while feeling like I was drowning in sorrow. I have been clutched by fear and basked in light. Through it all, I hav

posted 8:53:03am Aug. 28, 2014 | read full post »

Heaven On Earth
    "Imagine, will you....Heaven On Earth For Real." These are the words that are on my friend Tambra Harck's Facebook page. I think about it a lot since I believe that we create our own vision/version in our vivid imaginations. One of my favorite songs on the topic, sung by Ma

posted 9:47:47pm Aug. 26, 2014 | read full post »

With An Open Hand
  When you consider all of the things that you desire; from relationships to abundance, from faith to freedom, from possessions to passion, how do you hold them?  What I mean by that is this:  do you hold them with a closed fist; grasping, clinging as if for dear life or can you let go a b

posted 9:07:21pm Aug. 25, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.