The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


prn Friends

When I was a kid, I remember my mother talking about people who were ‘fair weather friends’; only around in the good times and disappeared when the skies got cloudy. I was determined never to be that. I’ve done my share of dancing in the rain with friends, as they have with me. We have waded through mud and splashed in puddles; we have bailed each other out of messy and mucky situations and have welcomed the liquid nourishment when our life landscapes have been parched.
I am blessed to have had very few who were only around when the sun was shining, since they were unable or unwilling to weather storms together.  I do have a motley crew of fun companions and anam cara (Gaelic for ‘soul friends’) who I can count on and who can count on me.
I was just thinking recently that there is another category of folks that I would call ‘prn friends’. In medical terms, prn means “when necessary” (from the Latin “pro re nata”, for an occasion that has arisen, as circumstances require, as needed.”)  I imagine you know people like that who only show up when they want something from you, whether it is time, attention, money, favors, sex…. There was a time when I didn’t know how to set boundaries, since I was such an emotional contortionist who would bend over backward to please people. These days, I can sense them a mile away and steer clear. I value mutually supportive (and as my father used to say) “one hand washes the other” relationships.
Why had I ‘invited’ them in, in the first place, or allowed them to remain when I clearly knew they were unhealthy, or downright toxic at times?  Mostly because I thought I could charm, beguile or otherwise entice them to be more supportive or demonstrative. Surely, if they saw my value, they would want to stick around when I needed them too. In retrospect, it feels manipulative. All part and parcel of the co-dependent dynamics that had long ruled and run my life. On the surface, it looked like I was everyone’s sweetheart, so how could anyone resist my appeal?  A few days ago, when chatting with a friend, she commented something like “You are so well loved.” indicating that everyone in our circles was drawn to me.  I shared with her that although I have many people in my life, there are only a handful that I truly let into the inner sanctum. I have this image to project and protect, you know. If everyone knew my (not so secret) secret that I feel angry, sad, scared, jealous, judgmental, frustration, loss, despondent….human, they would vanish into vapor.  Guess what….no one has…HAH, take that, monkey- mind-fire-breathing-dragon-inner-critic that doesn’t want me to give it a rest!  Even when I woke up this morning before 4 a.m. with the ‘not enough litany’ running through my mind, I was able to rock it back to sleep and then came a dream in which, once again, I couldn’t keep up with my intentions, lost my purse (found it in a snow drift, intact), had one hour to prep for a wedding I was to officiate and hadn’t even written the ceremony and wasn’t dressed for the role.  Good thing I woke up and all was well…whew!
Perhaps my own mind is a prn friend who flakes on me when I need it most.
http://youtu.be/pWlQl69Ps6E  Friends by Bette Midler


Previous Posts

Changing the Dishes
  Fellow Good Men Project author Thomas Fiffer shared his insights about the holiday of Passover. I saw his blog entry this morning as I was contemplating what to write for today's Bliss Blog. Having been raised in a Jewish home, Passover was eagerly anticipated all year long. The pre-holi

posted 9:22:24am Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Self Imposed Slavery
Tonight marks the first night of Passover which commemorates the journey from slavery to freedom of the Jews in Egypt who were compelled to work at the peril of their own lives.  Jews around the world (and others who are invited guests as they were in my childhood home) will gather to celebrate a

posted 10:40:54am Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

That's What Makes You Strong
  Another soul passed into the Light yesterday to join the celestial choir. I first heard Jesse Winchester's music in the 80's. As a consummate singer songwriter, he had  a gift for vivid imagery that took the listener along for the ride. Songs such as Mississippi, You're On My Mind,

posted 10:43:14am Apr. 12, 2014 | read full post »

Hot Air Balloon
Recently I was speaking with someone about the things that weigh us down, like a hot air balloon tethered to the ground with heavy rope, spiked into the dirt, sandbags reinforcing them.  Self deprecation, limiting beliefs, old worn out ideas that no longer serve, all of the shoulda /woulda/ coulda

posted 9:06:23am Apr. 11, 2014 | read full post »

Open Tabs
  Chances are you have seen the commercial from back in the 80's  called This is your brain on drugs. In case you weren't yet born, check it out and in case you were old enough to remember it, here it is for your re-viewing pleasure.  Although I am drug and alcohol free (by choice and not

posted 10:36:43pm Apr. 09, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.