Advertisement

The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

prn Friends

When I was a kid, I remember my mother talking about people who were ‘fair weather friends'; only around in the good times and disappeared when the skies got cloudy. I was determined never to be that. I’ve done my share of dancing in the rain with friends, as they have with me. We have waded through mud and splashed in puddles; we have bailed each other out of messy and mucky situations and have welcomed the liquid nourishment when our life landscapes have been parched.
I am blessed to have had very few who were only around when the sun was shining, since they were unable or unwilling to weather storms together.  I do have a motley crew of fun companions and anam cara (Gaelic for ‘soul friends’) who I can count on and who can count on me.
I was just thinking recently that there is another category of folks that I would call ‘prn friends’. In medical terms, prn means “when necessary” (from the Latin “pro re nata”, for an occasion that has arisen, as circumstances require, as needed.”)  I imagine you know people like that who only show up when they want something from you, whether it is time, attention, money, favors, sex…. There was a time when I didn’t know how to set boundaries, since I was such an emotional contortionist who would bend over backward to please people. These days, I can sense them a mile away and steer clear. I value mutually supportive (and as my father used to say) “one hand washes the other” relationships.
Why had I ‘invited’ them in, in the first place, or allowed them to remain when I clearly knew they were unhealthy, or downright toxic at times?  Mostly because I thought I could charm, beguile or otherwise entice them to be more supportive or demonstrative. Surely, if they saw my value, they would want to stick around when I needed them too. In retrospect, it feels manipulative. All part and parcel of the co-dependent dynamics that had long ruled and run my life. On the surface, it looked like I was everyone’s sweetheart, so how could anyone resist my appeal?  A few days ago, when chatting with a friend, she commented something like “You are so well loved.” indicating that everyone in our circles was drawn to me.  I shared with her that although I have many people in my life, there are only a handful that I truly let into the inner sanctum. I have this image to project and protect, you know. If everyone knew my (not so secret) secret that I feel angry, sad, scared, jealous, judgmental, frustration, loss, despondent….human, they would vanish into vapor.  Guess what….no one has…HAH, take that, monkey- mind-fire-breathing-dragon-inner-critic that doesn’t want me to give it a rest!  Even when I woke up this morning before 4 a.m. with the ‘not enough litany’ running through my mind, I was able to rock it back to sleep and then came a dream in which, once again, I couldn’t keep up with my intentions, lost my purse (found it in a snow drift, intact), had one hour to prep for a wedding I was to officiate and hadn’t even written the ceremony and wasn’t dressed for the role.  Good thing I woke up and all was well…whew!
Perhaps my own mind is a prn friend who flakes on me when I need it most.
http://youtu.be/pWlQl69Ps6E  Friends by Bette Midler
Previous Posts

Live Your Great Story
  We are all repositories for experience. Nothing that happens in our lives ever goes away. While we may repress memories that could be too painful to recall, they remain in our cells. What if, instead, we decided to live our stories in ...

posted 10:37:42am May. 01, 2015 | read full post »

Seduced By A City
Landed in New Orleans yesterday, a.k.a. The Crescent City and The Big Easy. I had been planning the trip for the past month to spend time with my friend Jewelee and her husband Scott, their kiddos, and her family of choice, Virginia, Chris, ...

posted 11:38:31pm Apr. 29, 2015 | read full post »

Creative ADHD
While on the plane heading from Philadelphia to New Orleans for my first ever visit to attend Jazz Fest with friends, I was perusing the in flight mag called American Way- since my carrier is American Airlines. Being a writer, editor and former ...

posted 1:01:19pm Apr. 28, 2015 | read full post »

Pump Up The Volume
Having just returned from a workshop called Fearless Relating, facilitated by my friends Reid Mihalko and Monique Darling, I am awhirl with all kinds of ideas and awash in emotion. In the re-entry process, I am integrating what feels like a ...

posted 8:51:07am Apr. 27, 2015 | read full post »

The Event Will Go As The Event Will Go
  Rolling the clock back to the spring of 2005 and I find myself in the 5th floor walk up apartment in Manhattan of Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski. Surrounded by blankets, pillows and pj clad strangers, save my brave friend who ...

posted 10:47:25pm Apr. 23, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.