The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Filling Instead of Feeling

 

As I was interviewing fertility advocate, and sex educator, Pamela Madsen on my Blog Talk Radio show called It’s All About Relationships, we were speaking about insatiablilty, eating disorders, body image and sexuality. She was mentioning the ways in which we fill ourselves up when there is an emptiness within us. She feels we are “so hungry and we keep reaching for more and more. People are doing this insatiable behavior. We don’t slow down to feel and allow our bodies to digest our experiences. We distract ourselves from what might be uncomfortable.”

She spoke of her eating disorder which took the form of bulimia, and the words “filling instead of feeling” came to me. One of my hats is as an addictions counselor and over the years, I have worked with people who have that insatiable ‘hole in the soul.’ How often do we fill ourselves with food, drugs, shopping, gambling, hoarding, unhealthy sexual activities and high risk behavior when what we really want is pleasure?  When one addiction is handled, another might jump right into that space.

What were you taught about pleasure?  Was it that it is self indulgent, bad, wrong….or was it encouraged? I was allowed to  play in the mud, finger paint, run clay and dough through my fingers, splash in puddles, get messy. My wise parents knew that laundry detergent and bubble baths were at the ready. Tears and laughter were welcome in our home, although my father was sensitive to our pain, so he had a hard time watching us cry. Anger wasn’t overtly expressed, so I am learning to feel that now.  Boo boos were kissed away and for better or worse, I learned to do the same for others when perhaps they would be better served by feeling. We can’t heal what we don’t feel.  What were you taught about handling discomfort? Some quickly rush to self medicate, rather than sit with it. Mine takes the form of activity; doing instead of being. More often, I am able to just be with my own pain, emoting, rather than stuffing out of fear that I won’t be able to handle it. Of course I always do, And of course you do too.

Not that there’s anything wrong with an occasional cupcake.

www.vividlife.me



Previous Posts

Pity Party
I had to giggle when I saw this meme, created by Theresa Byrne, another contributor to The Good Men Project,  since it was sucked right out of my spinning mind. Many's the time I have petulantly pouted about the way life events were unfolding. I have stomped and stormed, raved and raged (interna

posted 11:02:45am Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Making The Ordinary Come Alive
  I became an adoptive parent in 1992, when diminutive blond haired, green eyed Adam became my son. I like to say that my stretch marks are on my heart, not my hips. A high energy kiddo with his own ideas of how life should be, there were times when I questioned my ability to keep up with hi

posted 7:25:34am Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Changing the Dishes
  Fellow Good Men Project author Thomas Fiffer shared his insights about the holiday of Passover. I saw his blog entry this morning as I was contemplating what to write for today's Bliss Blog. Having been raised in a Jewish home, Passover was eagerly anticipated all year long. The pre-holi

posted 9:22:24am Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Self Imposed Slavery
Tonight marks the first night of Passover which commemorates the journey from slavery to freedom of the Jews in Egypt who were compelled to work at the peril of their own lives.  Jews around the world (and others who are invited guests as they were in my childhood home) will gather to celebrate a

posted 10:40:54am Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

That's What Makes You Strong
  Another soul passed into the Light yesterday to join the celestial choir. I first heard Jesse Winchester's music in the 80's. As a consummate singer songwriter, he had  a gift for vivid imagery that took the listener along for the ride. Songs such as Mississippi, You're On My Mind,

posted 10:43:14am Apr. 12, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.