Earlier today, I had a skype session with my friends Phil and Janet; two wise people I consider family of choice. I have known Janet since the early 1980’s and Phil since the late 80’s and he is my son Adam’s Big Brother and go- to guy for all kinds of things. Today they were my go-to folks for helping me to work through some entrenched beliefs and behaviors that don’t serve me and the path I would choose to take through life. Both of them have sturdy b.s. detectors and laser sharp instincts for cutting through it. They have been through so much in their lifetimes that have helped them to hone those skills. It is to them that I turn when I want no nonsense answers to my queries. We were excavating the rubble and rock pile that has built up over the years that represent my fears of never being able to be enough or do enough. I push and rush, rather than rest and coast when that would be called for. Phil pointed out that when I leave voice mail messages, I fill in way too many details as if attempting to prove that I am busy and successful. Janet shared that when I speak, she gets tired, since I rattle things off so quickly as if to say as much as I can in as short a time as possible and sound like I can’t catch my breath. That comes from discomfort with taking up too much time and yet paradoxically, I LOVE being center stage. Janet nodded knowingly, since she too is a performer (actor, dancer and mime).
She said, “I have a word for you to remember; Dayenu.” I smiled and agreed. In Hebrew, it translates to”enough” and is part of the Passover seder. It references the idea that had God freed the Jews from slavery in Egypt, it “would have been sufficient.” and had God fed them manna in the desert as they wandered to the Promised Land, “it would have been sufficient,” and so on. In my life, I need to recall that I am enough, have enough and do enough.
Tonight, after a much needed nap, I woke to the sound of a tiny voice in the hallway; that of my son’s girlfriend’s diminutive dude, Collin. My heart lifts whenever he is around as this two year old , old soul has me wrapped around his little finger. While Adam and Rochelle prepared dinner and bantered in the kitchen, Collin and I fed feathers to a teddy bear he brought out of my room, he hid next to the nightstand in what is now called ‘the invisible corner’ since when he walks back there, we play ‘where’s Collin?’ and then he appears, delighted that he had tricked me. He dragged my drums out and we were entertaining each other rhythmically. We looked through family photos and he picked up a picture of Adam at 7 and called out “baby!” When I asked him who loves him, he said for certain “Everybody.” and I when asked if he is included in ‘everybody’ and he said with absolute assurance. “Yes.” As we were reading The Lorax, each word in the book was “once upon a time.”
I beamed with delight when my sister sent me a photo of my handsome nephew Bobby and his gorgeous girlfriend Gab before their Senior prom all decked out in their finery. How much he resembles my father (except a few inches taller than his compact grandfather) right down to leaning to the side when he stood next his sweetie pie in one of the pictures as I have seen in old iamges of my father.
Now the rain is sprinkling down and thunder is rolling through, and with satisfaction, I acknowledge that I have as many blessings as the infinity of space and in all ways, my cup runneth over.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyiclg6qtxY Isn’t This World Enough? by Admiral Fallow