I had written in a previous Bliss Blog entry called Praying With God that my sense of the Divine is that we are of God and God is of us. Call it a God-spark if you will, or essence or source energy. My take is that we are here to be a living breathing Presence of Spirit. I had expounded on the idea that we are praying with God not merely to God.
On Saturday and Sunday, I had experiences which reinforced that belief. On Saturday afternoon, I attended a gathering of men and women who are involved with the ManKind Project (New Warrior Training for men and The Woman Within for women). Some had taken the training and others like me, were anticipating doing so. My weekend is coming up in April and as is the case, once I have commited to something, the work has already begun. I imagine you have had that experience as well. We were each given an opportunity to work on a particular issue in our lives and be witnessed and supported by those in the circle. As we went around the room, we stated our intention and then whether or not we were willing to bring it out into the group for processing. As I listened, I was determined not to face my issues, since I reasoned that “everyone else’s concerns were more pressing, there wasn’t enough time for everyone who wanted to, to have their say and I didn’t want to take up time unecessarily, since I was capable of dealing with this on my own.” I stated that and one of my friends, bless his heart, said “If there were 5 people here instead of 15, would you be willing to share?” I responded in the affirmative. He and others reinforced that my concerns were just as important and just as deserving of time and attention as any one else’s in the room. Where have I heard that before? It is something I say to any client who raises the same objection. So share I did. Before the first word was out of my mouth, tears began to flow. This ongoing challenge was about the near obsession with doing, going, moving and zooming, rather than simply being. A need to prove my worthiness, earn my place in people’s lives and hearts, be the go-to person, rather than the get-to person who gets to be taken care of once in awhile. It isn’t that the offer isn’t often extended; rather it is a sense of unwillingness to receive. Even though I am uncertain of the motivating factors behind it and frankly, it doesn’t much matter, the question is “what am I going to do about it?”
The answer came immediately in the form of one of the women in the circle, who is going to be part of facilitating my training. Patty asked if I was willing to curl up in her lap and let her cradle me. I nodded and the tears turned into sobs, for many reasons. One was that I missed being held by my own mother who passed in 2011. This Mama-Goddess was a loving stand in. Another was that I couldn’t remember allowing myself to feel so vulnerable, receiving, rather than giving care. One thought arose was that I have little problem with allowing women to support me, but difficulty surrendering to the care of men. I wanted to ask one of the men to cradle me and I have no doubt that most would have said yes, but what got in the way was the thought that Patty would feel that her care wasn’t enough. There I went again, putting someone else before me. Chances are, she too would have been just fine with my request. As I settled back and the sobs subsided, I did indeed feel as I was being held and rocked by God.
The next day, I spoke at United Christian Church in Levittown, PA as a guest minister, invited by my friend Bill Bloom who is the Music Director, on the subject of Being An Opti-Mystic. Standing at the podium, I asked for just the right words to come through me and land in their hearts. In that moment, it seemed as if unseen hands were on my back, and the message was downloaded. Frankly, at the moment, I can’t recall most of what came through. Nodding and smiling people sat in the chairs and afterward, many came up to hug me and thank me for saying what they needed to hear. In their presence, I again felt embraced, literally and symbolically. As I do often, I brough with me the Love-Spice For Living can and encouraged them to sprinkle invisible, yet palpable love on each other.
www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DZsASBIDsvN0 Through The Eyes of God by Barry Goldstein