“Take each step with love and radical honesty. The path will rise to meet your feet in most unexpected ways.”- Jacob Nordby
In this moment, as I am typing these words, I am bringing to mind the meandering path that led me to this moment. When did it begin? At my birth as the first child of Moish and Selma Weinstein, on the day before their second anniversary? Was it even prior to that when my Soul may have made a contract to incarnate in this particular form as a Caucasian female, born into an Eastern European Jewish family, with a second child to join the family two and half years after that, losing a beloved grandmother right after my 4th birthday, being a precocious, ‘smart as a whip’ kid who felt like an alien baby left on her parents’ doorstep? Who knows? What I am certain of is that even if the road lay before me, I am always at choice about whether and in which direction to step.
Each morning, I awaken (this morning, it was at 3 something initially since Spirit sometimes has ideas that it can’t wait to be expressed, so I began tapping on the keyboard at that hour in the velvet silence) with all sorts of ideas percolating. Butterflies in the stomach anticipation that I identify as fear and anxiety sometimes and excitement at others, lead me into my day. I face the first with courage if I can and delight in the second, using each as fuel to keep me keepin’ on in the midst of life stuff happening.
Many’s the time, I have stumbled over rocks on the trail, falling and skinning my knees or twisting my ankle (literally and symbolically), hidden behind trees, trepiditous about what might be waiting around the corner, hesitant to take the next step, waded in the cool and refreshing waters of the creek, splashed in the lake of love, gotten swept away in the rapids of the river. I remember seeing a tank top in a yoga studio years ago with a quote by Lao Tzu that read:
“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear?”- I looked at the words and answered honestly. “Nope”. At the time, I was an on the go, rapid paced, running around with my hair on fire, Type A, gotta get it done NOW overachiever (believe me, I have slowed down considerably since then) and could barely be still on the yoga mat long enough to engage in sivasana (the asana/pose that ends each practice). It wasn’t until, a few months later when I could, with clear conscience, say yes to that question that I got the shirt. It reminds me how far I have come and how far I still have to go.
(This is the rest of the quote that couldn’t fit on the shirt: Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself? The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment, but not seeking, not expecting, is present, and can welcome all things.)
What would it mean to step out into each day with love and radicial honesty? For me, it would mean being true to myself, without undue worry about what others will think. For so long, I was a goody two shoes, people pleaser who practiced what I call ‘savior behavior’, relishing being the go-to person for anyone in need, since it fed a desire to be ‘loved best of all’. After all, who wouldn’t love someone who met their needs, perhaps even before they were voiced? I thought of it as an insurance policy against rejection. Sometimes I have disdain for the woman who lived that way and at others, compassion. These days, I thank her for bringing me to this point in my life in which I can face her in the mirror with love and respect for how far she has traveled from there to here. The path rises to meet her feet with greater grace and ease than she ever imagined and with willing and intrepid companions on her way.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwqhdRs4jyA End of the Line by the Traveling Wilburys