“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”-Marianne Williamson
Lately I have been doing the dance that is really a metaphor for life; the Hokey Pokey. Life really IS more fun if you put your whole self in. The illusion I have been living is that I have been in that stance when in actuality, I have been putting one foot in and taking it out, one hand in and then removing it from the circle, having convinced myself that I was doing the former. Such a clever thing, denial can be. In my work as a therapist, coach, writer, speaker and minister, I am engaged in relationship; immersed in it, is a better description. Every day, I encounter people from different walks of life, of varying belief systems and behaviors. Just when I think I understand others and myself, experiences come along that tell me I have more work to do, to learn what makes myself and other people tick.
Yesterday, I was having lunch with friends who cosmically coincidentally have the same last name, but are not related, except in spirit. Ruth Anne Wood and Annabella Wood have been in my life for many years and I trust their wisdom implicitely. Each a Renaissance Woman in their own right, Ruth is a writer, speaker, coach and massage therapist and Annabella is a singer- songwriter, minister, teacher of The Work of Byron Katie, as well as a handywoman and for 30 years, had been a long distance truck driver. As I was digging into my salad at The Duck Deli in Doylestown, PA after attending services at Circle of Miracles, I was asking Annabella how she handles the juxtaposition of being a stage performer for which she might desire recognition or praise that sometimes becomes embarassing in its effusiveness. She smiled and sagely responded, “Either way, it isn’t about me. It’s about them,” indicating that she prefers not to take it personally. That’s what I wrestle with. The Shirley Temple tap dancing part of me slurps up the attention and kudos and the humble, wanting to hide in the safety of my blankie (if I can’t see you, you can’t see me) kidlet, feels uncomfortable with it. Not sure if it’s the Marianne Williamson iconic quote or the blessedly rare feedback that I receive that sometimes feels critical if I dare to step too far out of my comfort zone that has me retreating or even the inclination to have a pseudo-safer, calmer life.
Ruth and I were going over last minute details of a workshop we were offering in the afternoon in which we worked with a group of musicians and artists, helping them hone their crafts and gifts and get them out there into the world. I commented that my growing edge in that realm, since we teach what we need to learn, begs the question: “When is enough going to be enough for you, woman?” In the past few months, I have been invited to teach at various venues, held successful workshops and classes, have been serving therapy and coaching clients, been interviewed on radio shows, been asked to participate in webinars, co-author books, am writing my second book, will be launching a radio show called It’s All About Relationships, was included in a feature in Origin Magazine, been writing for new and ongoing magazines and blog sites….and the list is growing. She laughed and said, something like “Oh, you’re not successful? You just showed me this magazine with your picture and words in it.”
Then today, as I was working on the the text for the intro and extro clips for my radio show which I will be recording at Boffo Studio with the talented Rick Denzien later this afternoon, my wonderful producer Shayne Traviss, had me tweaking and polishing the language. An exercise in frustration at first, since I wanted it to be ‘just right’. He kept sending it back, asking me to essentially come from the heart not from the head, as I tend to overthink. Finally I sighed, gave in and just let if fly with the idea that it wasn’t gonna be perfect, just like relationships, but REAL. Once I sent that version, he gave it the thumbs up. I told him that my tendency was to rush through tasks to move on to the next. While that works with some things, relationship (and shows about them) isn’t one of them. It and all of my relationships deserve my time and attention, nurturing and love. In them, I want to put my whole self in..THAT’s what it’s all about.
http://youtu.be/UDmCSvqhhoI The Hokey Pokey