The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Do It Myself

Photo: Keeping at least one set of cheeks warm. Moosewood in Ithaca. <3

(Iconic eatery in Ithaca, NY-Moosewood Cafe)

Do you remember being a little kid, wanting to tie your shoes, button your shirt, brush your teeth or comb your hair on your own, as if that proved your independence and showed your mastery of those skills?  If someone attempted to assist you, what were you likely to pronounce?  “Do it myself!”  If you were like me, that is. Fiercely independent at times, I wouldn’t ask for help, for fear of appearing inept or not particularly bright. Most of the adults in my life referred to me as ‘precocious,’ which was a clarion call that told me I needed to maintain that facade. At 54, not much has changed. I still am likely to do something on my own rather than seek support unless I REALLLLLLYYYY needed to. And even then, there is reluctance. Instead, I have reveled in being the ‘go to person’ for others, since it carries with it a of accomplishment and as a friend of mine says “I need to feel essential.” The downside to that is physical and emotional exhaustion at times ,being on call 24/7, sometimes to those in body as well as those in Spirit. Yes, I get messages from the other side when awake or in dreamland.


I was on a roadtrip today with my friend Ondreah, headed to Ithaca, New York to visit my friends Jody Kessler and Doug Shire who live in Eco-Village. We had been talking about life challenges and changes and she made a comment about my being ‘solitary’. I was puzzled at that description of myself since I am a social butterfly by inclination and practice and not shy or a loner in the slightest. I asked, “Do you mean that I am self sufficient?”  She responded that I generally am a get it done kind of person, moving through emotions with little time to stop and evaluate, being in solution mode. At that moment, something occurred that clearly illustrated her point. I ripped a fingernail and asked her to reach behind me to extract my purse from the pile of stuff we had packed for the trip and then get my emery board for me. At the same time I was asking for her assistance, I was reaching back for it. She playfully swatted at my hand and then gave me the emery board. After polishing off the edges, I attempted to put it back in and again, laughing, she waved my hand away. How silly was that when I had asked her to help? I still wasn’t able to let go enough.


In the past several years, I have travelled alone to New Mexico, Texas, California and Canada, feeling little hesitation or trepidition. I saw it as an exciting adventure. I am equally fine with travelling companions. I have eaten in fancy restaurants solo and taken myself to the movies. And still, I don’t see myself as solitary. In recent months, I have spent more solo time; needing to decompress from work and general life stressors as well as healing after my mother’s death two years ago. I enjoy being in the company of friends and lovers.

What it may come down to is a need to be more expressive with the feelings that I hold pretty close to the vest, rather than erroneously believing that no one could hold space for the sometimes overwhelming tidal wave of grief over many losses throughout the years. How arrogant I feel at times.


It seems that the loud and clear message is about balance and allowing for the vulnerability that comes from asking for and being willing to receive support from a Universe all too willing to offer it in abundance.

Previous Posts

Say What You Need To Say
Lately, I have become even more acutely aware of the fragility of life and the tenuousness of what ties us to it.  In my lifetime, I have said goodbye to my grandmothers, my husband and my parents, as well as a few friends. I have let go of ...

posted 9:32:55pm Oct. 12, 2015 | read full post »

Creating A Life That You Love
In the past few days, events in my life have felt tumbled and tossed, necessitating regaining my footing, calling on family and friends for emotional support and guidance, and even more importantly, my deep and abiding faith that all is in ...

posted 8:47:15am Oct. 08, 2015 | read full post »

Down (sized) But Not Out
It's the news no one wants to hear. "Due to cost cutting measures, your position has been eliminated."  A job that I had been recruited for and dove into for more than a year, is no longer. My initial reaction was a mild emotional freak-out ...

posted 10:48:39pm Oct. 06, 2015 | read full post »

Wedding Wonders
One of my greatest joys in my role as an interfaith minister, is officiating at weddings. Although I have lost count, I estimate that I have married over 300 couples since being ordained in 1999. Mixed gender and same sex couples have walked ...

posted 10:09:09am Oct. 04, 2015 | read full post »

A Living, Breathing Dichotomy
Writing this while listening to my favorite radio station, WXPN, based here in the Philly area. Feet tapping along to the music, bopping into my day. Harry Connick, Jr. is serenading me at the moment. Awoke at the crack of dawn as has been my ...

posted 8:43:12am Oct. 01, 2015 | read full post »


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