I want patience and I want it NOW! If you are anything like me, there are times when things just aren’t happening quickly enough. Traffic, payment for services rendered, responses to emails and phone calls, my own accomplishments all seem like they move at a snail’s pace when my inner two year old is out and about. My mother used to advise “The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.” and she was on target, since when I rush through something, the quality isn’t as I would have it be and I feel all churned up inside. Yesterday brought with it, just that kind of experience. I left my house in plenty of time, under normal circumstances, to get to a wedding rehearsal for a couple I will be marrying on Friday night. The ceremony is at a caterer around the corner from the suburban South Jersey town where I had grown up. I knew how to get there by heart and yet, a middle age moment kicked in and I found myself turned around several times en route. Then torrential rains came in briefly, but enough to slow traffic and then it was paradoxically named ‘rush hour’; a misnomer, I had always thought, since no one could rush anywhere. I called the groom twice on the way, to assure him that I was almost there. In the meantime, I could feel my gut churning and frustration rising. I knew that it wasn’t the energy I wanted to carry into the rehearsal, so I let out a roar in the car and embellished it with a few words not normally in my spiritual vocabularly. Boy did that feel good. I could feel the impatience dissipate as I assured myself that my calm, someone newly restored zen mood would get me there sooner and certainly saner.
I began to listen and sing along to lovely kirtan chanting by Deva Premal and Miten which always serves to bring me to a state in which I would much prefer to dwell. I arrived about 20 minutes later than expected and everyone was fine; no one else seemed upset with my late appearance and I could forgive myself for it.
With regard to patience in other areas of my life, I have learned that accomplishments occur when they do and that when I look back at what I have done in the past year or so, I do really think that I have produced a fair amount to earn my place in the hallowed halls of ‘holy smokes that woman is busy!’ And so, in this moment, I am cutting myself some slack, offering compassion to the woman who sometimes whirls at such a pace that she whirls with tornado like speed as she instead, becomes an easy flowing stream~
Row row row your boat…