Advertisement

The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Chatting Or Cheating

 

 

What constitutes cheating in a relationship?  From the most blatant example of an all out under the covers romp to a so-called innocent flirtation with a co-worker that your partner or theirs doesn’t know about; the definition is broad based.  A marvelous guide that could be a relationship saver and healer was written by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Sheri Meyers, Psy.D  It is called Chatting or Cheating: How To Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.  As a therapist myself, who has witnessed the devastating impact of what many of my clients have expressed felt like betrayal and violation, I see this book as a tool that should be in every  couples counselor’s library.

Advertisement

Sheri lays the groundwork from word one by acknlowedging the importance of love and partnership with those in her life. It is the very foundation of healthy, thriving relationships.  If this is so, then why would someone risk losing that?  The reasons are many and varied. What jumped out at me from the beginning of the book is that we are hungry for connection and initmacy and yet, on some level, fear it. She contends that ‘emotional sex’ is more likely to occur when one of the partners feels that their needs are not being met in the primary relationship. Loneliness, Lack of Communication, Love and Attention Deficit, Boredom, Complacency and Emotional Distance, A Sexual Disconnection and Lack of Intimacy are all risk factors.

Advertisement

The term ‘emotional sex’ is  described as ” an unspoken attraction, the deeply rooted need to bond, attached and feel loved, that turns a friendship into an affair…an affair of the heart that feels the same as romantic love…involves a great deal of deception, lies and betrayal…is extremely damaging to a relationship.” Boundary setting and ground rules for a relationship are the first step to assess where your feet are planted in this murky swamp. For some, the idea of acting in flirtatious ways that indicate he or she is single, crosses the line; for others, fantasizing about someone else while having sex with them, is out of bounds. With the marvels of modern technology, texting and social networking make it easier to go undetected, for a short while, but it leaves an electronic trail that will inevitably be stumbled upon.

Advertisement

Some startling stats: 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. 70% of married women and 54% of married men did not know of their spouses’ extramarital activity.

The user friendly sections of the book have engaging titles such as: Catching Them In The Act,  Trust Is A Two Way Street, A Healthy, Heart-Happy Partnership. Each chapter has grow it yourself tools and exercises that are practical and applicable to a multitude of circumstances. Real life examples and checklists are scattered throughout.

Although the language in the book is heterosexual, the dynamics apply to same sex relationships. Also, to clarify; there are other relationship models including ‘responsible non-monogamy’, also known as polyamory (translated as ‘many loves’) which is not the same as cheating if there is full disclosure and aggreement that other partners are possible in the midst of a primary relationship paradigm.

Advertisement

One of the most valuable aspects of the book, is that it doesn’t make anyone the ‘bad guy’ (although it doesn’t excuse abusive or manipulative behavior)   and it offers a sense of hope that healing and forgiveness are possible if each partner is willing to extend themselves and do the work.

www.chattingorcheating.com

http://www.straightfromtheheart.com

 

http://youtu.be/-ebtjgK8NNU  I couldn’t resist(: Straight From The Heart by Bryan Adams

 

 

Previous Posts

Live Your Great Story
  We are all repositories for experience. Nothing that happens in our lives ever goes away. While we may repress memories that could be too painful to recall, they remain in our cells. What if, instead, we decided to live our stories in ...

posted 10:37:42am May. 01, 2015 | read full post »

Seduced By A City
Landed in New Orleans yesterday, a.k.a. The Crescent City and The Big Easy. I had been planning the trip for the past month to spend time with my friend Jewelee and her husband Scott, their kiddos, and her family of choice, Virginia, Chris, ...

posted 11:38:31pm Apr. 29, 2015 | read full post »

Creative ADHD
While on the plane heading from Philadelphia to New Orleans for my first ever visit to attend Jazz Fest with friends, I was perusing the in flight mag called American Way- since my carrier is American Airlines. Being a writer, editor and former ...

posted 1:01:19pm Apr. 28, 2015 | read full post »

Pump Up The Volume
Having just returned from a workshop called Fearless Relating, facilitated by my friends Reid Mihalko and Monique Darling, I am awhirl with all kinds of ideas and awash in emotion. In the re-entry process, I am integrating what feels like a ...

posted 8:51:07am Apr. 27, 2015 | read full post »

The Event Will Go As The Event Will Go
  Rolling the clock back to the spring of 2005 and I find myself in the 5th floor walk up apartment in Manhattan of Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski. Surrounded by blankets, pillows and pj clad strangers, save my brave friend who ...

posted 10:47:25pm Apr. 23, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.