The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Chatting Or Cheating

 

 

What constitutes cheating in a relationship?  From the most blatant example of an all out under the covers romp to a so-called innocent flirtation with a co-worker that your partner or theirs doesn’t know about; the definition is broad based.  A marvelous guide that could be a relationship saver and healer was written by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Sheri Meyers, Psy.D  It is called Chatting or Cheating: How To Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.  As a therapist myself, who has witnessed the devastating impact of what many of my clients have expressed felt like betrayal and violation, I see this book as a tool that should be in every  couples counselor’s library.

Sheri lays the groundwork from word one by acknlowedging the importance of love and partnership with those in her life. It is the very foundation of healthy, thriving relationships.  If this is so, then why would someone risk losing that?  The reasons are many and varied. What jumped out at me from the beginning of the book is that we are hungry for connection and initmacy and yet, on some level, fear it. She contends that ‘emotional sex’ is more likely to occur when one of the partners feels that their needs are not being met in the primary relationship. Loneliness, Lack of Communication, Love and Attention Deficit, Boredom, Complacency and Emotional Distance, A Sexual Disconnection and Lack of Intimacy are all risk factors.

The term ‘emotional sex’ is  described as ” an unspoken attraction, the deeply rooted need to bond, attached and feel loved, that turns a friendship into an affair…an affair of the heart that feels the same as romantic love…involves a great deal of deception, lies and betrayal…is extremely damaging to a relationship.” Boundary setting and ground rules for a relationship are the first step to assess where your feet are planted in this murky swamp. For some, the idea of acting in flirtatious ways that indicate he or she is single, crosses the line; for others, fantasizing about someone else while having sex with them, is out of bounds. With the marvels of modern technology, texting and social networking make it easier to go undetected, for a short while, but it leaves an electronic trail that will inevitably be stumbled upon.

Some startling stats: 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. 70% of married women and 54% of married men did not know of their spouses’ extramarital activity.

The user friendly sections of the book have engaging titles such as: Catching Them In The Act,  Trust Is A Two Way Street, A Healthy, Heart-Happy Partnership. Each chapter has grow it yourself tools and exercises that are practical and applicable to a multitude of circumstances. Real life examples and checklists are scattered throughout.

Although the language in the book is heterosexual, the dynamics apply to same sex relationships. Also, to clarify; there are other relationship models including ‘responsible non-monogamy’, also known as polyamory (translated as ‘many loves’) which is not the same as cheating if there is full disclosure and aggreement that other partners are possible in the midst of a primary relationship paradigm.

One of the most valuable aspects of the book, is that it doesn’t make anyone the ‘bad guy’ (although it doesn’t excuse abusive or manipulative behavior)   and it offers a sense of hope that healing and forgiveness are possible if each partner is willing to extend themselves and do the work.

www.chattingorcheating.com

http://www.straightfromtheheart.com

 

http://youtu.be/-ebtjgK8NNU  I couldn’t resist(: Straight From The Heart by Bryan Adams

 

 



Previous Posts

What's My Motivation?
In the car today, which is where I sometimes do some of my best thinking, I was considering why one of my intentions/goals is to interview Oprah and Ellen (not just be interviewed BY them). I attempted to justify my desire by saying that they are self made (with support) women, that they built thei

posted 11:01:05pm Oct. 01, 2014 | read full post »

Betwixt and Between
I had an interesting series of events over the past few days after writing a blog entry for The Huffington Post. It was called Why I Am Proud To Be A Total B*TCH!  As I was typing the words, I had a bit of trepidation come up and a sense of uh oh, should I be writing these words and validating wha

posted 10:57:39pm Sep. 30, 2014 | read full post »

Child's Play
I've been thinking a lot lately about my childhood experiences, almost in a life review format. Chalk it up to turning 56 in a few weeks. I grew up in a two parent household, with a younger sister born 2 1/2 years afterward,  so I had some time with them and with my grandmother as an 'only child'

posted 8:59:02am Sep. 28, 2014 | read full post »

Sleepiphany
This being a writer brings with it a penchant for word mash-ups and unique configurations. Many in my life share that talent. Yesterday while perusing Facebook, I noticed a term coined by a fellow wordsmith Shawn Allen. He was commenting on having taken a nap and then awakened with what he referred

posted 8:00:10am Sep. 26, 2014 | read full post »

Love Poems to God
Words come from a Divine Source, as far as I am concerned. since my writing (as if does for other wordsmiths) 'writes me'.  It flows through me and not from me. There are times when I have looked back at journal entries or articles I have penned over the years and think "Who wrote this?  I don't r

posted 11:18:21pm Sep. 25, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.