The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Chatting Or Cheating

 

 

What constitutes cheating in a relationship?  From the most blatant example of an all out under the covers romp to a so-called innocent flirtation with a co-worker that your partner or theirs doesn’t know about; the definition is broad based.  A marvelous guide that could be a relationship saver and healer was written by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Sheri Meyers, Psy.D  It is called Chatting or Cheating: How To Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.  As a therapist myself, who has witnessed the devastating impact of what many of my clients have expressed felt like betrayal and violation, I see this book as a tool that should be in every  couples counselor’s library.

Sheri lays the groundwork from word one by acknlowedging the importance of love and partnership with those in her life. It is the very foundation of healthy, thriving relationships.  If this is so, then why would someone risk losing that?  The reasons are many and varied. What jumped out at me from the beginning of the book is that we are hungry for connection and initmacy and yet, on some level, fear it. She contends that ‘emotional sex’ is more likely to occur when one of the partners feels that their needs are not being met in the primary relationship. Loneliness, Lack of Communication, Love and Attention Deficit, Boredom, Complacency and Emotional Distance, A Sexual Disconnection and Lack of Intimacy are all risk factors.

The term ‘emotional sex’ is  described as ” an unspoken attraction, the deeply rooted need to bond, attached and feel loved, that turns a friendship into an affair…an affair of the heart that feels the same as romantic love…involves a great deal of deception, lies and betrayal…is extremely damaging to a relationship.” Boundary setting and ground rules for a relationship are the first step to assess where your feet are planted in this murky swamp. For some, the idea of acting in flirtatious ways that indicate he or she is single, crosses the line; for others, fantasizing about someone else while having sex with them, is out of bounds. With the marvels of modern technology, texting and social networking make it easier to go undetected, for a short while, but it leaves an electronic trail that will inevitably be stumbled upon.

Some startling stats: 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. 70% of married women and 54% of married men did not know of their spouses’ extramarital activity.

The user friendly sections of the book have engaging titles such as: Catching Them In The Act,  Trust Is A Two Way Street, A Healthy, Heart-Happy Partnership. Each chapter has grow it yourself tools and exercises that are practical and applicable to a multitude of circumstances. Real life examples and checklists are scattered throughout.

Although the language in the book is heterosexual, the dynamics apply to same sex relationships. Also, to clarify; there are other relationship models including ‘responsible non-monogamy’, also known as polyamory (translated as ‘many loves’) which is not the same as cheating if there is full disclosure and aggreement that other partners are possible in the midst of a primary relationship paradigm.

One of the most valuable aspects of the book, is that it doesn’t make anyone the ‘bad guy’ (although it doesn’t excuse abusive or manipulative behavior)   and it offers a sense of hope that healing and forgiveness are possible if each partner is willing to extend themselves and do the work.

www.chattingorcheating.com

http://www.straightfromtheheart.com

 

http://youtu.be/-ebtjgK8NNU  I couldn’t resist(: Straight From The Heart by Bryan Adams

 

 



Previous Posts

Sunrise Sunset- Blissful Book Review~
    "Sunsets are love notes written directly to you and last lines are always the same. Life is too short and too precious to dwell on anything other than gratitude."- Gabe Berman Awe and gratitude are two of my favorite words; sunrises and sunsets two of Mother Nature's most d

posted 7:58:58am Oct. 24, 2014 | read full post »

For All That We Are
'To be witnessed and embraced for all that we are; the good, bad and ugly; as striving human beings daring to reach for the stars, is a gift beyond measure." These words came to me as I was writing a chapter for a soon to be released co-authored book called Embraced By the Divine: The Emerging W

posted 10:48:42am Oct. 23, 2014 | read full post »

Frozen
Although the movie has been out since last year,  this past week, I climbed up on the sled and took a wild ride with Anna and Kristoff, in the not so wonderful winter-landscape created by Elsa via her out of control emotions.  Frozen (based on the Hans Christian Anderson classic:  The Snow Quee

posted 8:25:25am Oct. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Uncovering My Heart
  I attended a workshop this afternoon that was facilitated by an old friend that I had not actually met hug to hug until today. Her name is Ambika Devi, author of the cosmic journey called Lilith which combines historical teachings, powerful legends, in this case the s/hero's journey, as

posted 9:29:08pm Oct. 19, 2014 | read full post »

Life Smoothie
In conversation with my flight attendant friend Jewelee Landis, about whom I have written many times over the years, we were musing about life being like a smoothie. She, like most of us, wears many hats.  Hers- wife, mom, daughter, granddaughter,  friend, doggy and kitty mom and now grandmom to n

posted 7:07:24pm Oct. 18, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.