I saw a question recently that asked what faith meant. For those of us raised in homes in which religion played a prominent role, as it did in my Jewish household, it called for an acceptance of what might not be seen, but rather, felt fervently. Most of the time it was about an abiding connection with the Divine Source of all life. God was not just a guest in our home at 123 Pheasant Lane in the suburban South Jersey town of Willingboro, but a permanent household member. God-essence permeated every nook and cranny, rode with us on our bikes, swam beside us in the pool during practice, read over our shoulders in class, sat next to us in Hebrew school, wasn’t just a presence in synagogue. I am grateful to my parents for instilling in me a relationship with God that was inclusive and expansive, not fear based and constricted. Each night before bed, we recited the shema; a signature prayer, which I say to this day prior to closing my eyes.
I came up with an acronym for FAITH
So, what if I fully accepted that as truth? If I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was holy, of the One, in harmony with all life; is there anything that could ever make me less than holy and whole? Taken a step further, is there truly anything I couldn’t do if aligned with that energy? Tonight I had a conversation with my editor and dear friend Pamela Maliniak in which she reminded me to put down the self flagellating whip that has seemingly been attached to my hand for eons. I have held that belief that I ‘should’ be above petty emotions and persistent petulant thoughts. Feeling quite the hypocrite at times, since I profess this to those who read my work or hear me speak. We do indeed teach what we need to learn.
Another friend, Karen Drucker has a song called The Call of Something More that speaks so vividly of what I am feeling at the moment. The line attributed to Rev. Michael Beckwith “pain pushes til the vision pulls” could have been written for a decision I am in the process of making. The vision is pulling me to a new stage in my life, while old patterns and messages about what is expected of me; or rather, what I am expecting of myself, seem to fiercely be battling for my attention, disturbing my own peace.
There’s been a storm brewing inside of me, clouds moving around my heart.
Something’s changing that I can’t see.
I’m stuck in what I know is safe but not yet where I’m supposed to be.
Chorus: I feel the call of something more.
I feel the call of something that I’ve never felt before.
(Done before. Been before)
I feel the call of something more.
I feel the call, asking, what am I here for?
What am I here for? What am I here for?
They say that pain pushes till the vision pulls.
It feels like my safety nets have fallen down.
I wish I had a map of where to go.
I’ve got this feeling deep inside that when I get there I will know.
I want to make a move right now though I don’t know when or how.
When I trust and know the truth, my heart will point the way.
There is more of me to share, so today I do declare,
that I will take that step in faith and let my light shine.
©TayToones Music BMI 2011
To hear this song, click on this link and then pull up The Call
As sure as the sun rises and sets, I AM FAITH and so are you.