The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Easy To Be Hard

 

This morning I was on the phone with my sister Jan, asking her about a pattern I noticed in both of our lives. We grew up in a home overflowing with love, support, fun, creativity, physical affection and nurturing. We were raised with the idea that we could do or be whatever we set our hearts and  minds to….and yet, here we are, two seasoned women who are excessively hard on ourselves, at times, lacking in self compassion and acceptance. Where the heck did that idea come from?  We both pondered the question, coming up empty for an answer; except that our father used to say, in an effort to create resilient daughters who could face challenges, “If that’s the worst thing that happens to you, you’ll be ok.”  It could apply to anything from a skinned knee to an emotional boo-boo like a relationship breakup. He hadn’t intended to minimize our feelings, but the umbilical cord was connected to HIM long after it had been cut at our births that he couldn’t stand to see us hurting.

We both carry the idea that we need to be the go-to people, the Ms. Fixits, the rocks on which others can lean. I told her that I felt badly, venting to her about a challenging situation in my life, when she is facing more daunting issues in her own life. She said something that surprised me; quite the sage she can be at times. She replied that my issues were my central focus and deserved attention too. There are times when I minimize my ‘right’ to receive time and focus from others, since “after all, my life is pretty darn good and what the heck do I have to complain about? Oy vay!.”  I am uncomfortable with the sense of vulnerability it implies (to me, at least), letting the cat out of the bag that I am not always feeling chippery and cheerful and can whip a walloping internal temper tantrum that would be the envy of a two year old.

There is a poster I saw that said “The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves Around Here”. So often I (and perhaps you) harass and abuse myself with incessant choruses of criticism, as if somehow it will make us better people. It has a parodoxical effect and we end up feeling badly about ourselves, which in turn, has us spinning our wheels faster and with greater fervor, as if somehow that will make a difference. It only makes us exhausted, resentful and feeling as if we will never be able to catch up. Or then, maybe that’s just me. Nah.

I offer classes that focus on self love and compassion because, as the adage goes, we teach what we need to learn. I was speaking with someone tonight on that subject and was amazed how some of what this other person shared so mirrored some of my entrenched beliefs that I thought I had sent packing. Apparently not.

My friend Scott Kalechstein Grace waxes humorous about Critiholism which is perfect for those of us with over active inner critics.  www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxuYQqR1IScwww.youtube.com/watch?v=VxuYQqR1ISc



  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406014428 Andrei

    Hi Diana,What a lovely post and Artwork.Love the Paris piece and the music is so wodenrful ~ I wished I was there too.Also the sweet birdies by you and Cole are just gorgeous and what a cute idea.HugsCarolyn

Previous Posts

What Is A Quaker?
Throughout my life, I have been to Quaker Meeting a handful of times. I don't consider myself part of that fold, but resonate with the essence of it. When I have entered into that space, everything has slowed down and I am pulled into a state of serenity. In Quaker services, there is silence until o

posted 10:47:03pm Jul. 31, 2014 | read full post »

International Day of Friendship
    " Ya  gotta  have friends."  So go the lyrics to Friends sung by the Divalicious Bette Midler.  To my way of thinking, every day is one in which I celebrate friendship. According to the United Nations, July 30th is International Friendship Day. This peacemaking body proclaime

posted 4:43:37pm Jul. 30, 2014 | read full post »

When I Was A Boy
I have been following a thread on a group Facebook page  for The Good Men Project  that was prompted by a video I had posted that showed a young woman being harassed by two young men while she was walking home from school. What happens next is conversation stirring.  One by one, other men step u

posted 9:41:48am Jul. 29, 2014 | read full post »

Life Is Like A Box of Chocolates
Photo credit:  Alex Lowy   I am open to miracles wherever they appear. Sometimes they show up in the form of a man with a buzz cut, decked out  in a white suit and sneakers, toting a well worn suitcase, plastered with all kinds of stickers as he meandered around the grounds of Wiggins P

posted 2:33:30pm Jul. 28, 2014 | read full post »

Foolish Notion
    Lately I have been rolling through my mind thoughts about origin of violence in the world. I saw a video recently in which Whoopie Goldberg was explaining a statement she had made that it was okay for a man to hit a woman back if she hits him first. If she didn't want to be h

posted 9:49:35am Jul. 27, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.