Advertisement

The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Easy To Be Hard

 

This morning I was on the phone with my sister Jan, asking her about a pattern I noticed in both of our lives. We grew up in a home overflowing with love, support, fun, creativity, physical affection and nurturing. We were raised with the idea that we could do or be whatever we set our hearts and  minds to….and yet, here we are, two seasoned women who are excessively hard on ourselves, at times, lacking in self compassion and acceptance. Where the heck did that idea come from?  We both pondered the question, coming up empty for an answer; except that our father used to say, in an effort to create resilient daughters who could face challenges, “If that’s the worst thing that happens to you, you’ll be ok.”  It could apply to anything from a skinned knee to an emotional boo-boo like a relationship breakup. He hadn’t intended to minimize our feelings, but the umbilical cord was connected to HIM long after it had been cut at our births that he couldn’t stand to see us hurting.

Advertisement

We both carry the idea that we need to be the go-to people, the Ms. Fixits, the rocks on which others can lean. I told her that I felt badly, venting to her about a challenging situation in my life, when she is facing more daunting issues in her own life. She said something that surprised me; quite the sage she can be at times. She replied that my issues were my central focus and deserved attention too. There are times when I minimize my ‘right’ to receive time and focus from others, since “after all, my life is pretty darn good and what the heck do I have to complain about? Oy vay!.”  I am uncomfortable with the sense of vulnerability it implies (to me, at least), letting the cat out of the bag that I am not always feeling chippery and cheerful and can whip a walloping internal temper tantrum that would be the envy of a two year old.

Advertisement

There is a poster I saw that said “The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves Around Here”. So often I (and perhaps you) harass and abuse myself with incessant choruses of criticism, as if somehow it will make us better people. It has a parodoxical effect and we end up feeling badly about ourselves, which in turn, has us spinning our wheels faster and with greater fervor, as if somehow that will make a difference. It only makes us exhausted, resentful and feeling as if we will never be able to catch up. Or then, maybe that’s just me. Nah.

I offer classes that focus on self love and compassion because, as the adage goes, we teach what we need to learn. I was speaking with someone tonight on that subject and was amazed how some of what this other person shared so mirrored some of my entrenched beliefs that I thought I had sent packing. Apparently not.

My friend Scott Kalechstein Grace waxes humorous about Critiholism which is perfect for those of us with over active inner critics.  www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxuYQqR1IScwww.youtube.com/watch?v=VxuYQqR1ISc

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406014428 Andrei

    Hi Diana,What a lovely post and Artwork.Love the Paris piece and the music is so wodenrful ~ I wished I was there too.Also the sweet birdies by you and Cole are just gorgeous and what a cute idea.HugsCarolyn

Previous Posts

Is Love Being Served?
"You have to learn to get up from the table if love is no longer being served."- Nina Simone If you are the only one cooking, serving, clearing the table, washing the dishes and putting the leftovers away, it's time to invite better dinner ...

posted 9:28:05pm May. 27, 2015 | read full post »

You Are What You Choose To Be
This morning, I heard this Jackson Browne classic called The Fuse that was the perfect prelude to an interview I had with Beth Long who is the editor of Doylestown Hospital's news letter. She and I had last had a sit down conversation right ...

posted 6:50:34pm May. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Wars Not Make One Great
Today is Memorial Day in the U.S. which commemorates those whose lives have been taken on the battlefield. It has become a harbinger of summer, although the season doesn't officially begin until the solstice on June 21st at 12:38pm. Cookouts, ...

posted 2:57:32pm May. 25, 2015 | read full post »

On My Way Back Home
Packed and ready to return home following a week in Hilton Head, SC with my friends Barb and Glenn. Feeling refreshed and revitalized. Like most vacations, it began ages ago and was over in the blink of an eye.  In a seven day span, I swam in ...

posted 9:17:08pm May. 22, 2015 | read full post »

The Lifeguard is Off Duty
On vacation for the week and while shopping in Hilton Head, I saw a t-shirt that read "Lifeguard off duty. Save yourself". I laughed as I purchased it for someone at home. I was tempted to get another one for myself, but I resisted. I was a ...

posted 9:45:16am May. 21, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.