Advertisement

The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog

Saying Kaddish

 

In two days, (11/26/11)  I will honor the first anniversary of my mom’s passing. Thanksgiving 2010 marked the last time I heard my mother’s voice, but not the last time I told her I loved her and would into forever. She was in the care of hospice since May of last year and the roller coaster ride we took had us both buckling our seat-belts in anticipation. Believe it or not, there were times when we could have had our hands raised in the year, laughing with abandon, shrieking at the top of our lungs….wheeeee! The last 6 months of her earthly incarnation, was a journey of juxtaposition:  joy and sorrow, profound spiritual exploration for both of us, facing our fears…hers of dying, mine of being without (in body) the woman who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet. She had modeled that experience when her own mother died when she was 38,  I was 4 and my sister was 2. I am grateful that I had my mother into my 50’s. What I recall was that even though she deeply grieved, she kept on keepin’ on. I never saw her ‘fall apart’ in the midst of her loss. Since I am the proverbial apple that doesn’t fall far from the tree. I too have maintained the ‘broad shoulders’ that my mother always claimed to have and took care of business in the year following her death, which included officiating at her funeral, handling her estate, selling her condo and car, paying her final bills, moving her furniture, donating some of her belongings; sorting through and figuring out what to keep and what to release. These tasks on top of my day job and my other consulting positions and publishing my book….whew, I feel tired just thinking about it. So much of my time goes into thinking that I can’t ever do enough…always lacking in some way. When I consider what I have accomplished, I suppose I can let myself off the hook.

Advertisement

I was looking at photos the other day, smiling and crying; again the polarities. Reminiscing over them, bringing to mind and heart the experiences I shared with my parents and marveled at how blessed I am to have chosen them to raise me. On some level, I do believe in soul contracts and I clearly had one with them. I learned so much about being myself fully. I acknowledge the gift of the love they showered on me. I still have not cried as much as I  had anticipated. Perhaps it is because I feel them so present in my day to day, or that the messages I receive are loud and clear; sometimes coming directly to me and other times, via a reliable person who is able to channel the information for  me. In each one, the feeling of total, unconditional love comes through. A few months after her death, I received an eagerly anticipated gift; a purple and white gingham and floral design bear that I dubbed ‘Mama-Cakes’, since it was a nickname I countered with when she called me ‘Baby-Cakes’. It was lovingly sewn by hospice volunteers from pieces of her nightgowns. It is sitting here in my room, almost winking at me, or so says my oh so vivid imagination; reminding me that I made it through, intact in the first ride round the sun. Not sure what it would take for me to have a good cry over her death. I laugh and cry when either emotional state arises, just holding space for myself or asking friends to be present with me as I am going through the experience.

Advertisement

And so tomorrow night, I will light a white, glass enclosed candle,  and leave it lit until it extinguishes itself, offer up a prayer known as Kaddish,  which in Hebrew means ‘sanctification’ and makes no mention of the word death, but instead acknowledges that events are in Divine Order and Spirit is running the show.  I will remember with infinite love and gratitude a woman who raised me to be able to live without her.

 

“Glorified and sanctified be God’s great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.

Advertisement

Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us

and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.”

 

Mourner’s Kaddish in Phonetic Hebrew:

 

Advertisement

Yit-ga-dal v’yit-ka-dash sh’mei ra-ba,
b’al-ma di-v’ra chi-ru-tei, v’yam-lich mal-chu-tei
b’chai-yei-chon uv’yo-mei-chon
uv’chai-yei d’chol-beit Yis-ra-eil,
ba-a-ga-la u-viz-man ka-riv,
v’im’ru: A-mein.


Y’hei sh’mei ra-ba m’va-rach
l’a-lam ul’al-mei al-ma-ya.

Yit-ba-rach v’yish-ta-bach,
v’yit-pa-ar v’yit-ro-mam v’yit-na-sei,
v’yit-ha-dar v’yit-a-leh v’yit-ha-lal, sh’mei d’ku-d’sha, b’rich hu,
l’ei-la min kol bir-cha-ta v’shi-ra-ta,
tush-b’cha-ta v’ne-che-ma-ta, da-a-mi-ran b’al-ma,
v’im’ru: A-mein.

Y’hei sh’la-ma ra-ba min sh’ma-ya,
v’cha-yim, a-lei-nu v’al kol-Yis-ra-eil,
v’im’ru: A-mein.

O-seh sha-lom bim-ro-mav,
hu ya-a-seh sha-lom a-lei-nu v’al kol-Yis-ra-eil,
v’im’ru: A-mein.


Advertisement

 

As we were planning her funeral, I asked her if there was any particular music she wanted played. “Yes, I want that song.”  “What song do you mean, Mom?”  “You know, the one you played for Uncle Jimmy (her brother) and Daddy.”  This is the song she was referring to.

Keep Me In Your Heart For Awhile by Warren Zevon

Shadows are falling and I’m running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile

If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile

When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile

There’s a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Advertisement

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sometimes when you’re doing simple things
around the house
Maybe you’ll think of me and smile

You know I’m tied to you like the buttons on
your blouse
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you

Engine driver’s headed north to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for awhile

These wheels keep turning but they’re running out
of steam
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Keep me in your heart for awhile

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Renee

    Edie,
    As usual your words are beautiful. Your mom was a wonderful woman, filled with life, joy, happiness and most of all love. I miss hearing her voice on the phone but always hear it in my heart.
    Love,
    R

  • http://www.liveinjoy.org Edie Weinstein

    Me too, Ren…I can still hear it and hear myself sounding like her at times and saying things she used to say. You know the feeling and even though it never totally disappears,we integrate it. She was/is all those things still.

    XO Edie

Previous Posts

Facing Life- A Ten Week Journey Week Three
"Meditatively enlivened," were the words that repeated themselves in my mind throughout the third session of Facial Reflex Therapy created by Lone Sorensen in which I was engaged, offered by Deva/ Debra Troy. I knew immediately what that meant, ...

posted 9:02:04am Jul. 04, 2015 | read full post »

Who's Your Gladys?- Book Review
You may have heard the adage: "People do business with those they know, like and trust." Business really IS about relationships. Reputation matters. The ways in which the owners treat their employees, contractors and customers/clients makes all ...

posted 10:09:07am Jul. 01, 2015 | read full post »

Inside Out Movie Review
Anticipation grew as I sat in a darkened movie theater with my friend Yvonne Kaye, waiting for the film to begin. Ever since I saw the trailer a few months earlier, I knew it was a must-see. Inside Out is a brain and heart child of the ...

posted 9:50:40am Jun. 29, 2015 | read full post »

Love Rules Supreme
I cried when I read the news. Happy tears for friends whose unions are now officially recognized in all 50 states. Some were legally married in their respective states, but could now claim to be 'legit' wherever they go. The Supreme Court ruled ...

posted 10:14:06pm Jun. 26, 2015 | read full post »

All Present and Accounted For
In the moment, I am aware of end of the day sleepy eyes ready to close. Good thing I can type without looking at the keyboard. A few decades as a journalist allows for that talent. Amazing that I was relatively challenged in high school, or was ...

posted 10:13:54pm Jun. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.