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Relationships Archives

Seven Ways to Get Over an Infatuation

posted by Sharon Kirk

“Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I” wrote US songwriter Lorenz Hart about the feeling of infatuation. It’s blissful and euphoric, as we all know. But it’s also addicting, messy and blinding. Without careful monitoring, its wild wind can rage through […]

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How to Handle Negative People

posted by Sharon Kirk

One of my mom’s best pieces of advice: “Hang with the winners.” This holds true in support groups (stick with the people who have the most sobriety), in college (find the peeps with good study habits), and in your workplace […]

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8 Coping Strategies for the Holidays

posted by jgordon1

For people prone to depression and anxiety – i.e. human beings – the holidays invite countless possibility to get sucked into negative and catastrophic thinking. You take the basic stressed-out individual and you increase her to-do list by a third, […]

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6 Ways to Cope with Rejection

posted by Sharon Kirk

Your husband ditches you for a girl half his age after 23 years of marriage. The tenth job interview you’ve been on results in another ding letter. Your friends get together for a beer and don’t extend an invitation to […]

8 Ways to Overcome Envy

posted by Beyond Blue

I know that the fastest way to despair is by comparing one’s insides with another’s outsides, and that Max Ehrmann, the author of the classic poem “Desiderata,” was absolutely correct when he said that if you compare yourself with others […]

Loving a Manic Depressive

posted by Beyond Blue

Among my favorite essays on loving someone with a mental illness are those penned by Anna Bishop, my blogging buddy James’s wife. She’s written five outstanding posts on what it’s like to be a passenger on the rollercoaster of a […]

Love Deeply

posted by Beyond Blue

Valentine’s Day is a good time to remember all the ways we can be loving, not just to the guy/gal sitting across from you at the kitchen table, but also your boss, your mother, your boss’s mother, and her mother. […]

12 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

posted by Beyond Blue

Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful,” especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. But to stop loving isn’t an option. […]

Breaking the Patterns of Dysfunction

posted by Beyond Blue

In “Cutting Loose: An Adult’s Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents” Howard M. Halpern calls the interactions that develop between the inner child in us and the inner child in our parents “songs and dances” because, he explains, […]

4 Steps to Better Boundaries

posted by Beyond Blue

My second job out of college was with a religious giftware company. I was a product-development coordinator for “inspirational” brands, which meant I was required to do things like write directions on how to bury St. Joseph for a “St. […]

Replacing Old Tapes With New Ones

posted by Beyond Blue

On the first page of the book “Cutting Loose: An Adult’s Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents,” by Howard Halpern (same guy who wrote “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person”) a good friend wrote: “This was […]

11 Ways to Help a Loved One in Denial

posted by Beyond Blue

What if your friend, mother, sibling, or father-in-law is severely depressed but refuses to recognize it? Most of us have been there at least once in our life: the awkward spot where you know a loved one has a mood […]

The Idiot’s Guide to Dealing With Idiots

posted by Beyond Blue

Idiots. The world is full of them. How hard it is for us, non-idiots, to put up with them. But to get our jobs done, our kids fed, and our pets groomed, we must deal with them. Idiots come in […]

Mindful Monday: Mourning the Loss of a Relationship

posted by Beyond Blue

As I read through the comments posted throughout Beyond Blue and on the discussion threads at Group Beyond Blue, I realize that a lot of readers are mourning the loss of special relationships. This prayer, by Henri Nouwen, articulates this […]

Getting the Love You Want, Over and Over Again

posted by Beyond Blue

In his New York Times bestseller, Getting the Love Your Want, psychologist Harville Hendrix explains why people who grew up in homes — well, a little like the one in the 2006 flick Little Miss Sunshine — without proper emotional […]

Rewire Your Brain For Love: An Interview with Marsha Lucas, Ph.D.

posted by Beyond Blue

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d feature an interview with a very cool licensed psychologist and neuropsychologist that I was lucky enough to meet in person at a book signing back in September. Marsha Lucas, Ph.D., has […]

Love Deeply …

posted by Beyond Blue

Valentine’s Day is a good time to remember all the ways we can be loving, not just to the guy/gal sitting across from you at the kitchen table, but also your boss, your mother, your boss’s mother, and her mother. […]

Are You Thin or Thick Skinned? Knowing Your Emotional Type

posted by Beyond Blue

I am often told that I should grow a thicker skin. I’m too sensitive. I let things get to me too much. Most people who struggle with depression are the same. We are more transparent and therefore absorb more into […]

Ronald W. Pies M.D.: Getting Detached from Our Unhealthy Attachments

posted by Beyond Blue

The following is a guest blog from one of my favorite psychiatrists, Dr. Ronald W. Pies, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine. An old eth­nic joke tells the story of the grand­mother who is walk­ing on […]

On the Anniversary of a Death: The Five Ways We Grieve

posted by Beyond Blue

Yesterday marked the eighteenth anniversary of my dad’s death, so I thought I’d republish this piece about grieving. Back in the mid-twentieth century, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—and they stuck. Heck, I […]

6 Ways to Deal With Difficult Family Members During the Holidays

posted by Beyond Blue

George Burns once said: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” So that would explain why the holidays are so stressful. Those dear relatives who live in San Francisco suddenly are lingering in front of […]

How to Break Your Addiction to a Person

posted by Beyond Blue

In his book, “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person,” Howard Halpern first explains what an addictive relationship is, then gives guidelines for recognizing if you’re involved in one. Then, he offers several techniques on how to end an […]

I Am So NOT Sorry: An Exercise in Exposure Therapy

posted by Beyond Blue

One form of cognitive behavioral therapy is exposure therapy, where your brain is supposed to form new connections and rewrite the language of your amygdala (fear center), so that it doesn’t associate every dog with the pit bull who took […]

On Remembering the Important Stuff

posted by Beyond Blue

I am republishing this piece from my archives today because a coworker just lost his son in a car accident last night. Please keep him in your prayers. Two boys went to bed with fevers last night. One is dead. […]

7 Steps to Closure When a Friend Dumps You

posted by Beyond Blue

I think we’ve all been dissed by a friend at least once in our lifetime, right? Recently I’ve had two people remove me as a friend on Facebook. Like that feels good. Was it my annoying status updates? The singing […]

Video: When a Friendship Ends

posted by Beyond Blue

This video was produced awhile back, when I was letting go of an important friendship. But I seem to always struggle with friendship … boundaries and so forth. I think friendships are just as complicated as romantic relationships. Especially when […]

Therapy Thursday: Learn How to Talk

posted by Beyond Blue

I have decided to dedicate a post on Thursday to therapy, and offer you the many tips I have learned on the couch. They will be a good reminder for me, as well, of something small I can concentrate on. […]

Therapy Thursday: First Forgive

posted by Beyond Blue

I have decided to dedicate a post on Thursday to therapy, and offer you the many tips I have learned on the couch. They will be a good reminder for me, as well, of something small I can concentrate on. […]

The Science of Romance: The Love Drug

posted by Beyond Blue

On the combox of my post “The Emotional Affair,” Beyond Blue reader Michael wrote: I’m totally confused and caught up in this person. Some years go by without us speaking, but we always come back to each other. Convenience, you […]

12 Depression Busters for Caregivers

posted by Beyond Blue

Nearly one-third of people caring for terminally ill loved ones suffer from depression according to research from Yale University. About one in four family caregivers meet the clinical criteria of anxiety. And a recent study found that 41 percent of […]

The Five Ways We Grieve: A New Perspective

posted by Beyond Blue

Back in the mid-twentieth century, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—and they stuck. Heck, I just wrote about them last month. According to Susan Berger, researcher and practitioner in the health and mental […]

Patrick Tracey: Stalking Irish Madness–Searching for the Roots of My Family’s Schizophrenia

posted by Beyond Blue

I have something very special planned for the Feast of the Irish, I mean, St. Patrick’s Day! No other than the most famous Irish author writing today: Patrick Tracey, who penned an amazing book, “Stalking Irish Madness Searching for the […]

CNN’s Jessica Ravitz on Why She’s Not Married

posted by Beyond Blue

I adore this article by Jessica Ravitz because it is sooooo brave and raw and gutsy and all the things I look for when I read a piece. She’s funny, snarky, but in an elegant, eloquent way. And she stands […]

Therapy Thursday: Don’t Go to a Hardware Store for Tomatoes

posted by Beyond Blue

I have decided to dedicate a post on Thursday to therapy, and offer you the many tips I have learned on the couch. They will be a good reminder for me, as well, of something small I can concentrate on. […]

Relationships Week: 12 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

posted by Beyond Blue

Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful,” especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. But to stop loving isn’t an option. […]

Making Lemonade from Lemons on Valentine’s Day: A Romantic Tale

posted by Beyond Blue

In order to move beyond their dark days, most depressives master the lesson on how to make lemonade from lemons. For Valentine’s Day, here’s a romantic tale on just that: how a friend of mine turned an embarrassing situation into […]

It’s Relationships Week on Beyond Blue!

posted by Beyond Blue

Just like last year, I’ve decided to hold a “Relationships Week” on Beyond Blue because depression affects so many of our relationships and because my articles on relationships always get a good response. So, in preparation for Valentine’s Day on […]

You Deplete Me: 10 Steps to End a Toxic Relationship

posted by Beyond Blue

“You complete me.” You know that line, right … from “Jerry McGuire”? It comes right before “You had me at hello” (another puker). The completing-the-other bit nauseates me a tad because we relationship-analyzers (some with the right initials after their […]

Therapy Thursday: Keep Your Sponges Separate

posted by Beyond Blue

I have decided to dedicate a post on Thursday to therapy, and offer you the many tips I have learned on the couch. They will be a good reminder for me, as well, of something small I can concentrate on. […]

When Is a Lie an Act of Love?

posted by Beyond Blue

Experiments have found that ordinary people tell about two lies every ten minutes. I don’t see how that’s possible, as I’ve been alone the last hour writing this piece (oh dear, am I making it up as I go along?). […]

How Do I Erect Personal Boundaries? Control Your Own Drawbridge

posted by Beyond Blue

Spiritual author Henri Nouwen on erecting personal boundaries.

Therapy Thursday: Stir the Oatmeal

posted by Beyond Blue

I have decided to dedicate a post on Thursday to therapy, and offer you the many tips I have learned on the couch. They will be a good reminder for me, as well, of something small I can concentrate on. […]

On Halloween: 5 Emotional Vampires — and How to Combat Them

posted by Beyond Blue

In the spirit of halloween, I thought you’d all appreciate some vampire talk. In her new book, “Emotional Freedom,” UCLA psychiatrist Judith Orloff identifies five kinds of vampires that are lurking around and can zap our energy if we’re not […]

How to Stop Difficult People from Zapping Your Energy and Happiness

posted by Beyond Blue

Brian Vaszily wrote an interesting post on the website, Intent.com, called “How to Stop Difficult People from Zapping Your Energy and Happiness.” He suggests you pick something to EMULATE from your nemesis. Say what???? He writes: Instead of focusing on their […]

Just Say No: 10 Steps to Better Boundaries

posted by Beyond Blue

how to build better personal boundaries

8 Ways to Overcome Envy

posted by Beyond Blue

I know that the fastest way to despair is by comparing one’s insides with another’s outsides, and that Max Ehrmann, the author of the classic poem “Desiderata,” was absolutely correct when he said that if you compare yourself with others […]

Joshua Wolf Shenk: On Creative Relationships

posted by Beyond Blue

I’ve mentioned the work of Joshua Wolf Shenk before on Beyond Blue. He is known for his award-winning book on Abraham Lincoln’s melancholy, and is a gifted writer who is able to explain very confusing theories and topics in language […]

Seeking Happily Ever After: Some Tips for Singles

posted by Beyond Blue

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 40 percent of adults were single in 2009. Researchers have found that the “single stigma” is worst for women in their mid-20’s through mid-30’s. Women 35 and older are more content with their […]

Everyday Health: What Not to Say to a Depressed Person

posted by Beyond Blue

I’m always on the lookout for articles that touch on ways to communicate to a friend or family member who is depressed because, well, it’s a delicate issue and one that deserves some education. I found this quiz on Everyday […]

9 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage (the Gallery)

posted by Beyond Blue

According to Peggy Vaughan, the author of “The Monogamy Myth,” 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage. In other words, the person who stays monogamous within her marriage […]

8 Ways to Stop Holding a Grudge

posted by Beyond Blue

I loved these bits of advice from Beliefnet’s Renita Williams. Click here to see the original gallery. We all have experienced hurt and pain in our lives. Sometimes we are exposed to experiences so painful that they leave marks that […]

9 Lessons for Caregivers Through Serious Illness

posted by Beyond Blue

The late thirties and early forties can be the most stressful time of a person’s life if they are caring for their parents while raising children of their own. A few of my friends have become the primary or second […]

12 Depression Busters for Caregivers

posted by Beyond Blue

tips for caregivers depression

Surviving Domestic Violence: An Interview with Kathy Lockhart

posted by Beyond Blue

Today I have the honor of interviewing a woman who is a survivor in all meanings of that word. Kathy Lockhart is a professional Registered Nurse with a Master’s Degree in Psychiatric Nursing from the University of Virginia and a […]

Signs That You’re In an Abusive Relationship

posted by Beyond Blue

I thought the following chart I found on helpguide.org might be helpful for those of you wondering if your relationship is abusive.

Why Relationships Change After Marriage and Why Loyalty Brings Happiness

posted by Beyond Blue

A recent Northwestern University study found that what makes a person a good dating partner might not determine who is a suitable spouse. For couples in both a dating relationship and a marriage, an important contributor to a satisfying relationship […]

Want to Be Happier? Kiss More, Hug More, Love More

posted by Beyond Blue

Gretchen Rubin writes a fascinating piece about how being more affectionate–touching and hugging and kissing more–can actually make us happier.

7 Steps to Closure When a Friend Dumps You

posted by Beyond Blue

I think we’ve all been dissed by a friend at least once in our lifetime, right? Recently I’ve had two people remove me as a friend on Facebook. Like that feels good. Was it my annoying status updates? The singing […]

How Do You Heal Loneliness?

posted by Beyond Blue

Loneliness contributes to most illnesses. How do we heal it?

Caregiver Survival Tips by Steven E. Hodes, M.D.

posted by Beyond Blue

caregiver survival tips

Hosanna in the highest: On celebrating the small things

posted by Beyond Blue

Yesterday a very talented woman paid  a visit to me. As regular Beyond Blue readers know, I’ve been in a big funk the last week/month/year/lifetime, so I didn’t really think much about her visit until she was here.   She […]

Patrick Tracey on Dual Diagnosis: Mental Illness and Addiction

posted by Beyond Blue

Since today is not only St. Patrick’s Day, the biggest drinking day of the year, but also my 21st anniversary of sobriety, I wanted to talk to Patrick about dual diagnosis, since he is also a recovering alcoholic. I asked […]

Loving Someone with Bipolar

posted by Beyond Blue

James Bishop over at Finding Optimism continues to publish high-quality writing from a variety of mental-health bloggers. I especially likes this featured piece by a writer named Kathryn. You can get to the original blog, “Loving Someone with Bipolar,” by […]

Bible Verses for Loneliness

posted by Beyond Blue

Here is a nice gallery compiled by Beliefnet editors to help readers find comfort and hope in Bible verses….   Anyone can face moments of loneliness–times when you long for companionship or when you want to be seen, to be […]

12 Ways to Recover from an Emotional Affair

posted by Beyond Blue

Jimmy Carter isn’t the only one who ever had “lust in his heart.” I receive e-mails every day from readers who are either stuck in an emotional affair or have ended one but are still extremely heartsick. First, a reminder […]

Emotional Affairs Support Group

posted by Beyond Blue

The Emotional Affairs Support Group that I set up in the Beliefnet Community awhile ago has plenty of members and is buzzing with interesting discussion threads. To join the conversation, click here.

For Women: 50 Ways to Keep Your Lover

posted by Beyond Blue

1. Skip the polyester, Ester 2. No casserole, Nicole 3. Sleep with him twice a week, Monique 4. Let him drive a new car, Star 5. Laugh with him, Kim 6. Allow all-day NFL, Belle 7. Buy him candy, Sandy […]

Quiz: Are You in a Toxic Relationship?

posted by Beyond Blue

How do you know if your relationship experiences “normal ups and downs” or is mired in abusive, toxic patterns? Determining the health of your most important relationships is the first step toward creating a happier life for yourself and those […]

Group Beyond Blue: Letting Go of Someone You Thought Loved You

posted by Beyond Blue

Group Beyond Blue member Blondie started an interesting thread on Group Beyond Blue at Beliefnet Community called “Letting go of someone you thought loved you.” She writes: Unfortunately, 4 years ago I fell in love with my boss. It has […]

It’s Relationships Week on Beyond Blue!

posted by Beyond Blue

Just like last year, I’ve decided to hold a “Relationships Week” on Beyond Blue because depression affects so many of our relationships and because my articles on relationships always get a good response. So, in preparation for Valentine’s Day on […]

11 Kinds of Therapy to Help You Grieve a Loss

posted by Beyond Blue

Here are a few therapeutic activities that can help you grieve a loss of a loved one.

Some Christmas Humor

posted by Beyond Blue

* Click here to subscribe to Beyond Blue and click here to follow Therese on Twitter and click here to join Group Beyond Blue, a depression support group. Now stop clicking.

Mindful Monday: When Mom Is Depressed

posted by Beyond Blue

Motherhood and depression: how Anthea Rowan came to understand the illness of depression after living with her mother’s during her childhood.

Mary: A Role Model for Mothers

posted by Beyond Blue

December is a great time to turn to the Mother of God for some tips.

In Sickness and Health: 8 Ways to Help Your Bipolar Loved One Cope

posted by Beyond Blue

Awhile back I published a post about tips to help a loved one cope with bipolar disorder. Holly and her helpers compiled it into a lovely gallery which is part of the bipolar resource page. I’ve excerpted my introduction below, but […]

Tiger Woods Alleged Affair: A Letter By a Man Healing From an Emotional Affair

posted by Beyond Blue

In light of the rumors about Tiger Woods affair, I thought I’d publish a letter of healing, a real response to what cheating does to a person and a family.

Tiger Woods Cheating Scandal: 8 Steps To Find Hope After An Affair

posted by Beyond Blue

With rumors of Tiger Woods having an affair, talk of cheating surfaces once more. Here are eight great tips for marriages where one or both partners are unfaithful.

The 10 Best Ways to Offer Solace to Someone Who Is Bereaved

posted by Beyond Blue

Suggestions on how to comfort someone who is grieving.

The 7 Laws of Boundaries

posted by Beyond Blue

how to establish better personal boundaries

The 4 Kinds of Friends You Need In Your Life

posted by Beyond Blue

4 kinds of friends you need to keep you resilient

Joan Wester Anderson: Moms Go Where Angels Fear to Tread

posted by Beyond Blue

funny stories about motherhood to make you laugh

Why We Should Use Our Words

posted by Beyond Blue

I’m always telling David and Katherine to use their words (instead of whining and screaming), but I’m often afraid to use them myself. Unlike Eric, who vocalizes a resentment before it’s had time to fester and start a family, I […]

What Do I Do About a Toxic Friend?

posted by Beyond Blue

A few weeks ago, a Beyond Blue reader asked me what to do regarding a toxic friendship. She wrote:   I’m in the process of dealing with a toxic friend. She is broken, in a different sort of way. We […]

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love

posted by Beyond Blue

Elaine Aron, whose book “The Highly Sensitive Person” I’ve discussed often on Beyond Blue, also writes about the topic of sensitive-types in relationships. In fact, she devoted a whole book to it, “The Highly Sensitive Person in Love.” Here are […]

Trash Night: What About Sex?

posted by Beyond Blue

I published the following post on the Huffington Post two days ago. Judging by the 400-plus comments, I apparently hit a raw nerve. I only read two comments before feeling nauseous. And I didn’t go back because my friends who […]

Bring Passion Back Into Your Marriage: 7 Nights to Sexual Intimacy

posted by Beyond Blue

In “7 Nights to Sexual Intimacy,” Rabbi Shmuley Boteach offers couples a weeklong program to “watch the slow burn of passion become a fireworks display.” To get to his gallery, click here. It begins … For many years, I have […]

Kate McLaughlin: 13 Ways You Can Support a Loved One with Mental Illness

posted by Beyond Blue

Thanks to James Bishop of FindingOptimism.com for finding this helpful post by mental health advocate Kate McLaughlin on ways you can support a loved one with a mental illness. To visit her insightful blog, click here.   1. Accept your […]

Mindful Monday: Giving Childhood Baggage to God

posted by Beyond Blue

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We’re hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the […]

Henri Nouwen on Living with the “Not Yet”

posted by Beyond Blue

The following passage is from Henri Nouwen’s book, “The Inner Voice of Love”: Try to keep your small, fearful self close to you. This is going to be a struggle, because you have to live for a while with the […]

Henri Nouwen: Stay with Your Pain

posted by Beyond Blue

When you experience the deep pain of loneliness, it is understandable that your thoughts go out to the person who was able to take that loneliness way, even if only for a moment. When you feel a huge absence that […]

Gretchen Rubin: 5 Mistakes I Make in My Marriage

posted by Beyond Blue

I enjoyed Gretchen Rubin’s blog post, “Five Mistakes I Make in My Marriage,” because I make the same ones. To get to her original post, click here. Here are her picks:   1. My demand for gold stars. Oh, how […]

Fresh Living: 10 Fantastic Things About My Grandmother

posted by Beyond Blue

I was moved by Fresh Living blogger Holly Lebowitz Rossi’s post on the passing of her grandmother. What a wonderful way to celebrate the life of a deceased. I think I’m going to make some lists of my own. To […]

How Does a Person Live and Cope with a Dysfunctional Family? An Interview with Nancy Bachrach

posted by Beyond Blue

Today’s interview is somewhat untraditional, but I think you’ll enjoy it. After I read the hilarious anecdotes in Nancy Bachrach’s newly released memoir, “The Center of the Universe,” I knew I had to dig a little more on how, exactly, […]

The Center of the Universe: An Excerpt

posted by Beyond Blue

The following is an excerpt from “The Center of the Universe: A Memoir” by Nancy Bachrach. Used with permission of Random House.  In the ancient forest on the Right Bank of Paris lies a jewel-like island where Napoleon, just back […]

Group Beyond Blue: Not So Happy Father’s Day

posted by Beyond Blue

On Mother’s Day, Group Beyond Blue moderator Mel started a discussion thread for folks who have strained or distanced relationships with their moms or children. And for Father’s Day, she’s done the same. You can get to the Group Beyond […]

Mindful Monday: Turning Guilt Into Good

posted by Beyond Blue

The most powerful line in the Khaled Hosseini’s “The Kite Runner” is this: “And that, I believe, is what true redemption is, Amir jan, when guilt leads to good.” My regrets are different from the narrator of “The Kite Runner.” […]

12 Ways to Overcome Jealousy and Envy

posted by Beyond Blue

I have been told that envy is my least becoming quality. But what do you expect from a girl who grew up with three gorgeous sisters within three years of me? Cute junior-high boys used me to get to my […]

Not So Happy Mother’s Day: What If You’re Estranged From Your Mom? Or Kids?

posted by Beyond Blue

There’s an important conversation going down on the Not So Happy Mother’s Day discussion thread regarding motherhood and the not-so-happy picture. How do you celebrate Mother’s Day when you don’t speak to your mom? Or your kids don’t speak to you? […]

Friends with (Sexual) Benefits: When Harry Met Sally?

posted by Beyond Blue

Can women and men just be friends? I don’t know. For the time being, I only befriend balding men over the age of 65. Oh, and gay priests. John Grohol over at Psych Central recently did some research on the topic […]

8 Steps to Closure When a Friendship Ends: On Psych Central

posted by Beyond Blue

If you have a minute and are struggling with an awkward friendship, you should read some of the comments over at PyschCentral.com on my post, “8 Steps to Closure When a Friendship Ends.” Among them: This article came into my […]

Gretchen Rubin: 8 Ways to Make Yourself More Likeable

posted by Beyond Blue

Me? I’m trying to get away from all this people-pleasing. I think it’s making me sick. However, being likable, or at least having many close relationships, also contributes to success and happiness, says fellow blogger Gretchen Rubin. And she gives […]

Video: Good Boundaries, Bad Boundaries

posted by Beyond Blue

Since I’m talking a lot about boundaries lately, I thought I’d republish the one I taped last summer where I describe an exercise I learned in the psych ward (how to visualize your boundaries) and give you an example of […]

John McManamy: Depression … Are We All Alone?

posted by Beyond Blue

Many thanks to my friend John McManamy for blogging on my post “Depression: They Just Don’t Get It” last week. I like how he answers the question, “Are we all alone in our depression?” No, not really. Way too many […]

When a Friendship Ends (The Text Version)

posted by Beyond Blue

A few readers who couldn’t view my video, “When a Friendship Ends,” asked if I would write out the content in a text post. Here you go: Friendships are a lot like marriages in that some are healthy and some […]

Fresh Living: Friends for a Season or a Lifetime?

posted by Beyond Blue

Valerie Reiss asks some great questions about friendship in a post on Fresh Living. She writes: There’s something about betrayal or abandonment in friendship that often feels harsher than that of a lover. Partly because (and pardon if I sound […]

Mindful Monday: Befriending Feelings and Choosing Forgiveness

posted by Beyond Blue

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We’re hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the […]

Melzoom: Heroic at Processing Feelings

posted by Beyond Blue

When Group Beyond Blue Co-moderator Melzoom forwarded me her most recent journal entry, I was blown away. Not just at how she can articulate her feelings, but at how she can feel them. I mean, really feel them. I have […]

John McManamy: When a Friend Commits Suicide

posted by Beyond Blue

I was moved by fellow bloggers John McManamy’s tribue to his friend, Kevin, who commit suicide just six months ago. John has channelled his grief by producing an important suicide prevention video “The Road to Nowhere.” I urge you to […]

More on Exhale Magazine

posted by Beyond Blue

I thought I’d include the recent press release about Exhale E-Magazine since my interview with Christina Gombar on the topic of infertility and depression was so popular. To get to the zine, click here. Some more information follows…. Is it […]

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway: 12 Ways to Find Your Soul Mate

posted by Beyond Blue

Like many of you, I spent a good part of my adult life longing–and looking–for my soul mate. There were two things that helped to eventually bring my beloved and me together: I never gave up my faith that he […]

12 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

posted by Beyond Blue

Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful,” especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. But to stop loving isn’t an option. […]

Here It Is: You Complete Me

posted by Beyond Blue

Just to refresh your memory … here it is, the queasy moment:

Touch the Robe: On Faith and Broken Hearts

posted by Beyond Blue

Today is one of those days that words fail me. My heart is stuck somewhere between grieving the wounds of my past–having been sucked back into a very dysfunctional place with my family of origin–yet knowing that every single second […]

Group Beyond Blue: A Discuss Thread Devoted to Infertility and Chronic Illness

posted by Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue Group Co-Chair Mel started an important discussion thread called “Oh Baby!” at Group Beyond Blue on Beliefnet Community. Click here to get to the thread.

New Research Supports Couples’ Claims of Undying Love

posted by Beyond Blue

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there is new research from Stony Brook University supporting marriages that stay passionate decades after a couple has uttered their vows. According to a McClatchy-Tribune article by Ridgely […]

Depression Almost Put Me In the Wrong Bed

posted by Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue reader Deborah recently submitted her story to me, and considering the popularity of the Emotional Affairs Support Group, I thought it might help a few readers, so here it is … Let me introduce myself by saying that […]

Ovidia: An Obsessive Need to be Loved–The Crux of the Matter

posted by Beyond Blue

Blogger friend Ovidia who writes “The Busy Time” just posted the following piece on her blog about the obsession to be loved by a certain someone. I wanted to post it, at least in part, because I’ve received such an […]

Emotional Affairs Support Group

posted by Beyond Blue

I just started an “Emotional Affairs Support Group” on Beliefnet’s Community. I wanted it to become a safe place where those persons who have been involved or are currently involved in an emotional affair can support each other in making […]

Bipolar II Meets Bipolar I (and all hell breaks loose): One Woman’s Trip to the Dark Side and Back

posted by Beyond Blue

Thanks to Lilit Marcus for finding this fascinating article about a bipolar woman (Bipolar II) who married a Bipolar I guy. The article’s author, Janine Millerton, articulates all the drama of the relationship in such incisive language that the bipolar […]

What Not to Say to a Depressed Person

posted by Beyond Blue

My blogging buddy, James Bishop at Finding Optimism, wrote a great blog recently on what NOT to say to a depressed person. I’ve excerpted from it below. To get to his blog click here. There are many terrible things that […]

Video: Go To Your Happy Place

posted by Beyond Blue

I know a “happy place” sounds corny. How many times have you seen a character on a sitcom close his eyes and say, “I’m going to my happy place. I’m almost there. Up, I can’t find any parking. Hold on, […]

4 Steps to Better Boundaries

posted by Beyond Blue

My second job out of college was with a religious giftware company. I was a product-development coordinator for “inspirational” brands, which meant I was required to do things like write directions on how to bury St. Joseph for a “St. […]

7 Steps to Heal Your Inner Child

posted by Beyond Blue

According to John Bradshaw, author of “Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child,” the process of healing your wounded inner child is one of grief. And it involves these seven steps (in Bradshaw’s words): 1. Trust For your wounded […]

Friday’s Question: How Do I Care for Someone with Depression?

posted by Beyond Blue

I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked this question. And I can’t think of a better way of answering than James Bishop’s article, “12 Ways to Care for Someone with Depression,” which you can get to by clicking […]

13 Ways to Make Friends

posted by Beyond Blue

From the number of comments (over 200) posted to my “12 Ways to Make Friends” article I now know that many of us are lonely and would love a new friend. So I’ve revised my post, added one more place […]

Mindful Monday: Replacing Old Tapes With New Ones

posted by Beyond Blue

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We’re hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the […]

Video: Meeting My Inner Child

posted by Beyond Blue

In case you’re confused, I accidentally published this last week. Sorry! Now it makes sense given today’s mindful Monday meditation. Some of you have already seen this video about my reading through my junior-high journals and the process of coming […]

Friday’s Question: What Do I Do With My Impure Thoughts?

posted by Beyond Blue

On Fridays I will address a question related to depression and find the answer from an expert. If you have a question you want answered, please ask it on the combox of this post, and I’ll try my best to […]

eHarmony Wrote Back: Discrimination or Not?

posted by Beyond Blue

The other night I was looking for an article when I came across this response to my post “Dear God: Why E-Harmony Has Got It Wrong” where I explained that I thought it was unfair that eHarmony includes depression among […]

What If She Refuses to Go to the Hospital?

posted by Beyond Blue

On Fridays I will address a basic psychiatric question and find the answer from an expert. If you have a question you want answered, please ask it on the combox of this post, and I’ll try my best to do […]

BustedHalo on Dealing With a Loved One Who’s Depressed

posted by Beyond Blue

Dr. Christine Whelon, author of “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women” and columnist with BustedHalo.com wrote an important column recently to address a reader, Susan, who had been dating a man struggling with depression. Following are some excerpts from the […]

Group Beyond Blue: Jealousy

posted by Beyond Blue

Awhile back I started a discussion thread on jealousy at Group Beyond Blue (you can get to by clicking here). Check some great suggestions on what fellow depressives do when they start feeling green! To read more Beyond Blue, go […]

“T” on Emotional Affairs

posted by Beyond Blue

Thanks to Beyond Blue reader “T” who posted the following comment on the combox of my post, “10 Steps to End an Affair”: The biggest mistake I ever made in my life was to allow myself to become attached emotionally […]

Sex and the City of Annapolis: That’s What Friends Are For

posted by Beyond Blue

I hate to disappoint you, but this post isn’t about sex. You already know all the details on my sex life, (and if you need a review, you can click here to read my post “Sex Night: Beyond Blue Balls.”) […]

Henri Nouwen: Mourning the Loss of a Relationship

posted by Beyond Blue

As I read through the comments posted throughout Beyond Blue and on the discussion threads at Group Beyond Blue, I realize that a lot of readers are mourning the loss of special relationships. This prayer, by Henri Nouwen, articulates this […]

12 Ways to End Addictive Relationships

posted by Beyond Blue

In his book, “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person,” Howard Halpern first explains what an addictive relationship is, then gives guidelines for recognizing if you’re involved in one. Then, he offers several techniques on how to end an […]

Disney’s Desperate Housewives

posted by Beyond Blue

Thanks to good old Nancy for this one!

Trapped in Dysfunctional Relationships? Love With Your New Brain

posted by Beyond Blue

Awhile back I wrote a post about the fear center within your brain, the amygdala, and how identifying it’s reptilian instincts can often spare me some of the panic it produces in my nervous system. I tell myself that my […]

Beware of the Head Rush: Emotional Affairs of the Head

posted by Beyond Blue

I think it’s also important for addicts and depressives to keep in mind the head rush that happens in the infatuation stage of a relationship. Not confusing the dopamine and norepinephrine high with true love is so crucial in making […]

Love the Person, Hate the Behavior

posted by Beyond Blue

“The Way I See It #199,” on my Starbucks coffee cup Saturday morning (a quote by Berkeley Breathed, the cartoonist and creator of “Opus”): “I’m not sure about people anymore. They’re responsible for some pretty nutty stuff. Individuals I’m crazy […]

Love Note #29

posted by Beyond Blue

A loving heart has a cataract and cannot see. -Louise Colet

Love Note #28

posted by Beyond Blue

Love is not merely blind but mentally afflicted. -Alice Thomas Ellis

Love Note #26

posted by Beyond Blue

There are three kinds of kissers: the fire extinguisher, the mummy, and the vacuum clear. -Helen Gurley Brown

Love Note #24

posted by Beyond Blue

A good man doesn’t just happen. They have to be created by us women …. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho […]

Love Note #23

posted by Beyond Blue

When the only place a relationship wholly works is in bed, both people eventually get nervous … because they have to get out of bed. -Erica Jong

Love Note #22

posted by Beyond Blue

The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents, and none of the incidents as disasters. -Harold Nicolson

Love Note #21

posted by Beyond Blue

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid. -Harlan Miller

Love Note #20

posted by Beyond Blue

When a man and a woman marry, they decide to become one. Of course, they must decide which one, and that is often where the storm starts. -Pierce Harris

Love Note #19

posted by Beyond Blue

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. -Rita Rudner

Love Note #18

posted by Beyond Blue

A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones. -Cher

Love Note #17

posted by Beyond Blue

A marriage without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs–jolted by every bump in the road. -Henry Ward Beecher

Love Note #16

posted by Beyond Blue

If love is the answer, can you rephrase the question? -Lily Tomlin

A Woman’s Fantasy #7

posted by Beyond Blue

Love Note #15

posted by Beyond Blue

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. -Robert Quillen

A Woman’s Fantasy #6

posted by Beyond Blue

Happy Valentine’s Day to You!

posted by Beyond Blue

Happy Valentine’s Day to all my special Beyond Blue readers! For today I have compiled my favorite love excerpts for you. Beyond Blue reader Margaret e-mailed me hers: * Like a diamond, real love I durable, shines brightly, and has […]

Marianne Williamson: Falling in Love

posted by Beyond Blue

Falling in love has been getting a bad rap recently. Supposedly more sophisticated types suggest that falling in love is an illusion, a state of non-reality because it is based on failure to see the love object as a “real” […]

George Burns: A Love Story

posted by Beyond Blue

For 40 years my act consisted of one joke. And then she died. Gracie was my partner in our act, my best friend, my wife and my lover, and the mother of our two children. We were a team, both […]

Anne Morrow Lindbergh: The Dance of Love

posted by Beyond Blue

A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift […]

A Woman’s Fantasy #5

posted by Beyond Blue

Group Beyond Blue: Surviving Valentine’s Day

posted by Beyond Blue

A few weeks ago, before Cupid showed up everywhere with his arrow, Group Beyond Blue member Cheryl started a great discussion thread at Group Beyond Blue at Beliefnet’s Community on how to get through or even enjoy this day if […]

That’s One Hot Chick!

posted by Beyond Blue

Okay, guys. I finally found a cartoon for you courtesy of Beyond Blue reader Nancy! Enjoy. T

Love Note #13

posted by Beyond Blue

Sometimes I believe that some people are better at love than others, and sometimes I believe that everyone is faking it. -Nora Ephron

A Woman’s Fantasy #4

posted by Beyond Blue

It’s Relationships Week!

posted by Beyond Blue

Since this is Valentine’s week, I thought we’d have a relationships week here on Beyond Blue! All of the posts this week will be about various aspects of love relationships. And I have more cartoons for the ladies. Sorry, guys, […]

A Woman’s Fantasy #3

posted by Beyond Blue

A Woman’s Fantasy #2

posted by Beyond Blue

A Woman’s Fantasy #1

posted by Beyond Blue

Love Note #10

posted by Beyond Blue

For love to last, you had to have illusions or have no illusions at all. But you had to stick to one or the other. It was the switching back and forth that endangered things. -Lorrie Moore

Love Note #9

posted by Beyond Blue

Sometimes love doesn’t come to us. We have to go out hunting. It’s like pigs looking for truffles. It’s called dating. -Patti LuPone

Love Note #8

posted by Beyond Blue

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -Agatha Christie

Love Note #7

posted by Beyond Blue

Express appreciation for each other. Accepting each other makes a stable marriage. Appreciating each other, however, makes a sensational marriage. -Brett Selby

Love Note #6

posted by Beyond Blue

Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction. -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Love Note #5

posted by Beyond Blue

You have to distinguish between love and infatuation. That’s difficult because they both involve a throbbing organ. -Me

Love Note #4

posted by Beyond Blue

Couples who frequently pray together are twice as likely as those who pray less often to describe their marriages as being highly romantic. And get this–married couples who pray together are 90 percent more likely to report higher satisfaction with […]

Love Note #3

posted by Beyond Blue

Sex is the most fun I ever had without laughing. -Woody Allen

Love Note #2

posted by Beyond Blue

Success in marriage depends on being able, when you get over being in love, to really love. …. You never know anyone until you marry them. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Love Note #1

posted by Beyond Blue

Dear Abby: I am 44 and would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. -Rose Dear Rose: So would I. -Abigail Van Buren

Love Notes Start Tomorrow

posted by Beyond Blue

Remember all the Holiday Survival Thoughts I wrote for you guys during December? Well, for each day in February I’ve decided to publish a “love note.” They are quotes from celebrities or philosophers or smart people, in general, that will […]

Group Beyond Blue: For Love of Family

posted by Beyond Blue

Thanks to Beyond Blue reader Larry Parker for alerting me to the interesting discussion thread, “For Love of Family,” at Group Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet’s Community site. There are so many dynamic discussions going on over there, that I haven’t […]

Melody Beattie on Boundaries

posted by Beyond Blue

Melody Beattie is a great author to read when you’re having boundaries problems and are letting all sorts of people and their opinions into your core. The following excerpt is from her book, “The Language of Letting Go”: “There’s a […]

40 Ways Aren’t Always Enough

posted by Beyond Blue

I apologize to all Beyond Blue readers who took offense to my post, “40 Ways to Keep Your Lover.” I should have provided a qualifier that I was merely having fun with Paul Simon’s idea of linking directives to a […]

4 Ways to Keep Friends (+Spouse+Kids)

posted by Beyond Blue

Who would have thought friendship would be so difficult once you leave your cozy college campus when you can catch up with friends on the way to class or in the dining hall over a cup of Jo. Now, like […]

Dear God: 40 Ways to Keep Your Lover

posted by Beyond Blue

Dear God, I have to be honest. I understood this week’s gospel about as well as I comprehended Sophocles’s “Oedipus Rex” and Aeschylus’s “Prometheus Bound” back in college, so I’m grasping at literary themes much like an engineering major thrown […]

Ways to Insult Someone with Depression

posted by Beyond Blue

While we’re on the topic of how to say something, or (in my case) how to say something from your hideout in the bathroom, here’s a great post from James over at Finding Optimism on “Ways to Insults Someone with […]

Separate for Sanity

posted by Beyond Blue

In order to be true to oneself—or (more accurately?) to avoid disaster—sometimes a person has to separate herself from those she loves in order to be able to love them (and herself) even more. I just read about that yesterday […]

Social Phobia Rears Its Head

posted by Beyond Blue

I didn’t used to have social anxiety or “phobia” back when I was drinking. Mingling came quite naturally during a good vodka buzz. But professional networking in a large room of strangers is very difficult to do stone sober. Even […]

Recovering People-Pleasers

posted by Beyond Blue

I was relieved to know that there are quite a few recovering people-pleasers among our readers here on Beyond Blue. Among the messages posted on my “People-Pleasing: Today Is Not Your Day” post were these gems: I was just thinking […]

The Doormat Syndrome

posted by Beyond Blue

Also on my post, “People-Pleasing: Today Is Not Your Day,” reader Michael posed this question: The hardest thing, for me, about setting boundaries, is that they not only keep the people I wish to keep out of my life out, […]

Last Year’s Charity

posted by Beyond Blue

Last year, before I started writing Beyond Blue, I had the same inner dialogue–where and how should I serve? Ultimately that conversation led to keeping my mother-in-law company during a difficult time for her. I describe that process in my […]

No Sex in the City (or America)

posted by Beyond Blue

Four attractive young moms (what SOME men might call “yummy mummies”) are sipping on margaritas at a Mexican bar enjoying Happy Hour. “I’m telling you, I hate it!” one says. “I can tolerate it if I’m not tired,” says another. […]

The Myth of ‘Safe’ Sex

posted by Beyond Blue

There’s no such thing as safe sex, argues Esther Perel in her book “Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic.” Because in order for the sex to be good, and desire to live in a relationship, there needs […]

Allergic to Sex?

posted by Beyond Blue

Oh my God! Maybe I’m allergic to sex! One more thing for this OCD gal to worry about. I don’t think I am, but this was interesting article anyway. To read the whole thing click here: “Could You Be Allergic […]

Breaking Up with Someone Else’s Spouse

posted by Beyond Blue

In “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person,” Howard Halpern says that “the most tragic and self-defeating addiction is an addiction to someone who is tied to someone else, particularly by marriage.” He offers six guidelines to help you […]

Walking Away from Toxic Relationships

posted by Beyond Blue

I know I’ve been excerpting Howard Halpern a lot on the topic of dysfunctional relationships. If you need a new voice, check out Paula White’s article, “Walking Away from Toxic Relationships,” by clicking here. It begins: When God wants to […]

Stay or Leave?

posted by Beyond Blue

Thank you to reader Angela who wrote the following comment on my “People-Pleasing: Today Is Not Your Day” post: I really appreciate this article today because I am also struggling with this issue in my life. I feel like I […]

Dangerous Self-Delusions

posted by Beyond Blue

I can’t say for sure what the right thing to do in either case (Angela’s or Julissa’s). However, I think these four characteristics of self-delusion and addictive relationships (in my mind the same as dysfunctional relationships) offered by Howard Halpern […]

What’s My Part In It?

posted by Beyond Blue

After I e-mailed reader Babs to thank her for her heartfelt comment on the board, she e-mailed back and asked me a question that I’ve pondering for the last week. “Since you get so disappointed in so many relationships, you […]

Men Are From Israel, Women Are From Moab

posted by Beyond Blue

If you care to get instruction on healthy relationships from the Bible, here’s a great excerpt from “Men Are From Israel, Women Are From Moab” by Dr. Norm Wakefiled & Jody Brolsma. Get to the article by clicking here. It […]

Relationships Week

posted by Beyond Blue

Since so many of the reader comments on Beyond Blue deal with relationships, I thought I’d devote a whole week to relationship issues. I’ll revisit the topic of emotional affairs, offer some questions to think about for those considering leaving […]

Previous Posts

Seven Ways to Get Over an Infatuation
“Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I” wrote US songwriter Lorenz Hart about the feeling of infatuation. It’s blissful and euphoric, as we all know. But it’s also addicting, messy and blinding. Without careful monitoring, its wild wind can rage through your life leaving you much like the

posted 12:46:43pm Feb. 19, 2014 | read full post »

When Faith Turns Neurotic
When does reciting scripture become a symptom of neurosis? Or praying the rosary an unhealthy compulsion? Not until I had the Book of Psalms practically memorized as a young girl did I learn that words and acts of faith can morph into desperate measures to control a mood disorder, that faithfulness

posted 10:37:13am Jan. 14, 2014 | read full post »

How to Handle Negative People
One of my mom’s best pieces of advice: “Hang with the winners.” This holds true in support groups (stick with the people who have the most sobriety), in college (find the peeps with good study habits), and in your workplace (stay away from the drama queen at the water cooler). Why? Because we

posted 10:32:10am Jan. 14, 2014 | read full post »

8 Coping Strategies for the Holidays
For people prone to depression and anxiety – i.e. human beings – the holidays invite countless possibility to get sucked into negative and catastrophic thinking. You take the basic stressed-out individual and you increase her to-do list by a third, stuff her full of refined sugar and processed f

posted 9:30:12am Nov. 21, 2013 | read full post »

Can I Say I’m a Son or Daughter of Christ and Suffer From Depression?
In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, we read: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” What if we aren’t glad, we aren’t capable of rejoicing, and even prayer is difficult? What if, instead, everything looks dark,

posted 10:56:04am Oct. 29, 2013 | read full post »

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