Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue


Are You Thin or Thick Skinned? Knowing Your Emotional Type

posted by Beyond Blue

I am often told that I should grow a thicker skin. I’m too sensitive. I let things get to me too much. Most people who struggle with depression are the same. We are more transparent and therefore absorb more into the gray matter of our brain than our thicker-skinned counterpoints.

In his book, “Your Emotional Type,” Michael A. Jawer and Marc S. Micozzi, Ph.D. examine the interplay of emotions, chronic illness and pain, and treatment success. They discuss how chronic conditions are intrinsically linked to certain emotional types.

I found the boundary concept they explain in the book–first developed by Ernest Hartmann, MD, of Tufts University–especially intriguing. The authors define boundaries as more than a measure of introversion or extroversion, openness or close-mindedness, agreeableness or hostility, and other personality traits. According to them, boundaries are a way to assess the characteristic way a person views her/himself and the way he or she operates in the world. To what extent are stimuli “let in” or “kept out”? How are a person’s feelings processed internally? Boundaries are a fresh and unique way of evaluating how we function.

For example, thin boundary people are highly sensitive in a variety of ways and from an early age:

• They react more strongly than do other individuals to sensory stimuli and can become agitated due to bright lights, loud sounds, particular aromas, tastes or textures.
• They respond more strongly to physical and emotional pain in themselves as well as in others.
• They can become stressed or fatigued due to an overload of sensory or emotional input.
• They are more allergic and their immune systems are seemingly more reactive.
• And they were more deeply affected — or recall being more deeply affected – by events during childhood.

In a nutshell, highly thin boundary people are like walking antennae, whose entire bodies and brains seem primed to notice what’s going on in their environment and internalize it. The chronic illnesses (including depression) they develop will reflect this “hyper” style of feeling.

Thick boundary people, on the other hand, are fairly described as stolid, rigid, implacable or thick skinned:

• They tend to brush aside emotional upset in favor of simply “handling” the situation and maintaining a calm demeanor.?
• In practice, they suppress or deny strong feelings. They may experience an ongoing sense of ennui, of emptiness and detachment. ?
• Experiments show, however, that thick boundary people don’t actually feel their feelings any less. Bodily indicators (e.g., heart rate, blood pressure, blood flow, hand temperature, muscle tension) betray their considerable agitation despite surface claims of being unruffled.

You can take the boundary quiz for yourself at the authors’ website: www.youremotionaltype.com.

Jawer and Micozzi then offer some alternative therapies that work best for your type. I would use these in addition to the traditional therapies already working for you. For example, I think it would be very irresponsible of me to go off Lithium and try acupuncture alone. However, some relaxation technique in addition to my medication treatment and other tools I already use (swimming, light therapy, fish oil) might do me some good.



  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Julie

    I’m so glad that you wrote about this today. Yesterday in therapy for the 2nd time we were talking about boundaries. I’m needing to set boundaries with a crazy woman next door that tried to steal my husband from me, and has continued to for the past 3 years even though He has shown several times that He hates her, wants nothing to do with her. We were friends for several years, which is the bad part. So I just downloaded this book to my kindle & took the test to find out why I am having a such a hard time with boundaries with this woman that clearly will not abide by any I have set. Thanks so much Therese, you have been a life saver for me through some serious bouts of depression and with dealing with this issue!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Sam Gyura

    I scored 42. I thought I was ‘thicker’ than that!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment spareparts

    Wow. This is the main thing people say they don’t like about me… “too sensitive”. I have even been turned down for a job because of it. (I have a job now, so it doesn’t matter.)

    Where do sensitive people belong?

    Your “Therapy Thursday” about sobbing is very good, too, but I am too tired. I am always told “it doesn’t fix anything.” Little do they know, huh?

    As always, thank you.

  • http://www.soulpoetry.org Alice

    I always cringe when I hear the term, “too sensitive.” I don’t believe there is such a thing.

    I am a HSN –highly sensitive personality type.

    I had to “laugh” once. My mother said to me (I am 65). “You are just as sensitive as you were in high school. I thought you would have gotten over that by now.”

    Sad, eh?

    http://www.soulpoetry.org (my book, Sanctuary of the Soul)

  • http://soulpoetry.org Alice

    This message is for Julie. The way I see it it is NOT your place to “do” the boundaries with this woman. It is your HUSBAND’s place.

    No one can “steal” another person’s spouse…….the spouse that is “stolen” went along with the program, as it were.

    I am curious as to what you and your husband have put in place as boundaries.

    No contact would be the best. Regards, Alicia

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Bre

    39 – its kind of what i expected, i guess.
    judging by my last job, i would expected it to be deeper into the thin side, given the boundaries that were breeched (or not put up) with the people i worked with.

    My score also agreed with the correlation with my MBTI. Now I’m wondering, what kind of career would I be best served in. If I can only take so much stimuli, does that mean that I should just work part-time and take the rest of the day to regain energy and reflect?? Maybe a move to the mountains would do me some good (I thought I was a city girl!).
    This journey of self discovery and finding a place for myself seems to remain in the beginning stages…

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