Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

10 Things Not to Say to a Depressed Person

depressed2-512.jpgCBS News and recently published a nice gallery listing what you SHOULD tell a depressed love one and what you SHOULD NOT.

I have my own list. Here are 10 things you definitely DON’T want to say, a collection of the gems that I heard when well-intentioned people opened their mouths and said something really stupid to me the two years I was in sorry shape.


1. It’s all in your head. You need to think positive.

Upon hearing this, I wanted to throw a life-size figure of Tony Robbins at them. Because, while optimism is certainly important in training the brain, studies have shown that people who are severely depressed or acutely anxious only activate their amydalas (fear center of the brain) by forcing positive thinking

2. You need to get out of yourself and give back to the community.

This is one that certainly made bad things worse. Because now, in addition to feeling severely depressed, a person also feels guilty and self-absorbed. Yes, giving back is important, but only when a person is healthy enough to hold a ladle at a soup kitchen.

3. Why don’t you try and exercise?


This is good advice. Exercise has strong antidepressant effects. However telling someone that they need to exercise is a little like telling someone their butt looks fat in those jeans. You need to hint at it, but not put it directly on the table, or else the person may very well take up kick-boxing and practice with you.

4. Shop at Whole Foods and you will feel better.

Why does this get me? Because 1) I don’t have the money to shop at Whole Foods, and 2) although I know that my diet affects my mood, and the more organic the better, I resent your telling me that my Frosted Flakes is what’s causing power outage in the left frontal lobe of my brain.

5. Meditation and yoga are all you need.


Correction: meditation and yoga may be all that people experiencing mild and moderate depression need. Both are important tools to reduce depression. However, acute anxiety and severe depression are different animals altogether. In fact, my suicidal thoughts worsened with yoga.

6. Get a new job.

Maybe the job is making your loved one depressed. Stress is never a good thing for our health, and especially our emotional health. It pours toxins into our bloodstream. But don’t encourage a major decision while the person is depressed. A balanced perspective is needed. 


7. Are you happy in your relationship?

Again, relationship problems might certainly be triggering the depression, but I’ve talked to too many people who almost left their husbands and wives when they were clinically depressed, thinking that something around them must be the problem. Since a spouse is the closest thing, he or she gets blamed for the mood dips.


8. You have everything you need to get better.

This, of course, implies that all pharmaceutics are toxins that do nothing more than dull your emotions. Guess what? Some forms of modern medicine actually aid recovery!! Seriously! Kind of like chemotherapy for cancer patients, and insulin for diabetes. Would you tell a woman with breast cancer she has everything she needs to get better? No. I didn’t think so.


9. Do you WANT to feel better?

This was my very favorite. Because it suggests that we can will ourselves to be as happy as we want. Want to be a little more giddy? Let me just adjust the optimism lever a tad. There we go … happy again! Again, I do think you do to watch your thoughts, retrain them and retrain them, applying tools for optimism. But I don’t think we can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps without any help every time. Please don’t make the person feel like a failure in addition to depressed.


10. Everyone has problems.

CBS covered this one, but it’s important to note again because it comes up so often. Forget about Congo and Bangladesh when talking to a depressed loved one. Some people absolutely do have it worse. But that doesn’t make her pain any less real or profound. Chances are if you do bring it up, she will also feel weak and pathetic … like she has no right to feel the way she’s feeling, which will, of course, make her feel worse.


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  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Meg

    so true. it’s amazing how insensitive people can be when they don’t really understand what depression is or why a depressed person is depressed. because, in reality, if we understood why we were depressed every time we were depressed we’d save a heck of a lot of money on therapy, wouldn’t we? my favorites were always, “why can’t you just BE happy?” or “just get over it”. classics.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Paula

    My personal favorite is “What have you got to be depressed about?”

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Wendy

    Great article but not helpful. Makes me want to steer clear of a depressed person so I don’t do more harm than good. So what should one say? What can someone do? The best thing people did for me was to say “let’s go somewhere.” actually just listening is the only thing I know of. Don’t try to fix them, just ask questions about what they feel and let them share. maybe it will help if they hear themselves talk out loud. Most important: don’t judge or think you know how they feel.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Nathalie

    I applaud you so much for writing this. I have had quite a few of those comments thrown at me at one time or another and all you want to do is kick that person in the head. You really do. Because they think they have the solution and they know it all when they really don’t know shit (pardon my French) EVERYONE should read this and learn it by heart…thanks so much.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment misha

    My sister is very depressed and often calls to use my shoulder to cry on. She was very resistant to the idea of therapy until 1 month ago. I am very grateful she has started this and I am hopeful that it will help her.

    Before she started therapy, I struggled to come up with ideas to try to help her to feel better, including suggesting some of the ideas above which obviously didn’t help. I tried just listening and not suggesting anything but that didn’t help either. Nothing helped. It is very painful for me to see her suffering and not be able to do anything about it. So, sometimes loved ones are desperate to assist and might suggest useless ideas.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Anne

    Thanks for the post. Even though I experience depression, I am often not good at speaking with loved ones about it that also suffer. It’s a different experience with different triggers for everyone I suppose.

    @Wendy: I found the CBS News Gallery linked above helpful for positive messages I can focus on.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Adri

    Great list! I hate it when people give you one of theses ¨solutions¨ and actually think they are helping.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment What I need to hear?

    The one thing I NEED to hear when I am at my lowest is “This is NOT you; This is NOT about YOU; You are so much more than this…maybe it is time for help!”

    I have learned that I do not need to disclose my depression to everyone. I have a very ‘few’ select group of people in my life that truly understand ME and the way depression affects me. I trust that when one of them looks at me and says the above…it is time to get help!

    For those who do not understand I have written this prayer; place where I am able to see it; read it when necessary “I forgive them their lack of understanding for they do not know; Thank You God that they don’t for then they do not suffer-they are fortunate in their ignorance.”

    It is very difficult to say and mean; yet when I do remember to say it I find healing in it, not hurt and anger, which when depressed I can not afford. LENA

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Irma

    The one that has been said to me quite frequently is “can’t you just snap out it?” That one still makes me feel the worse.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Deborah

    This article sounds like you need to walk on eggshells every time you see a person with depression. As long as you have empathy and are speaking from the heart, I don’t think it does harm to try and help. Even if a person does not understand or may not have experienced clinical depression, I think that just knowing that someone is trying to help can be uplifting. People with mental illness are not such delicate flowers that they need to be pussyfooted around at every turn. I think it’s best to just treat a person with an illness the same that you would anyone else. Mentally ill people are just that, PEOPLE.

  • http://GalaxieIn'tlServer Bernard Roth

    My solutions to depression:
    Make them a scrumptious and scintillating dessert which will elevate their spirits and leave them with a pleasant memory:
    1.Crepes Suzette Flambe’
    2. Strawberries Romanoff -[Dim the lights for presentation]
    3.Bananas Foster [as 2.]
    4.Granny Smith Apple Fritters with raw sugar sprinkling.
    5. A half cup of Greek Yougurt [zero fat] mixed with a tbsp of lemon curd, over fresh berries and seedless grapes.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Carole

    i agree with the points in this article, now please can we have what you should say? i got alot of these comments only yesterday and i need a boost. Do i look as though i like feeling this way? The sun is shining and it is a beautiful day, so why am I sitting here, ignoring it!Oh light at the end of the tunnel, show yourself to me.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Joanne Thompson, RN, BSN

    God desires for us to be happy and joyous. He created an entire manual, the Bible, to give us guidelines to live by. Usually depressions are linked to our life choices and our inability to think with well-developed critical thinking skills. I do feel that when one has sunk into a depression that they need expert, Christian, counseling, if they are Christian. Depression fades as we get our lives back into focus on what we should be doing and who we should be avoiding. Sometimes it does take anti-depressants to get over the hump. I know someone who has been in therapy for decades because of childhood events. As he told me what his family had exposed him to I asked a simple question, “Have you told them how much they hurt you”. His answer was “No, I don’t hate my family.” All of those years of counseling (non-Christian) had failed to get to the root of his issues and develop a solution. God tells us to forgive and forget and to FOCUS on Him. When we surrender to His will and not ours then our lives come into perspective.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Yvette

    Good article. The only one I take issue with is the food one. Whole Foods isn’t magic, but food really does matter. Frosted Flakes probably have a lot of high fructose corn syrup. Aspartame (Nutrasweet) is also associated with depression, among other things. Your Frosted Flakes very well may be related to the power outage in your left frontal lobe in your brain.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Dawn

    Quoting Deborah @ March 27, 2011 at 12:32 pm: “As long as you have empathy and are speaking from the heart, I don’t think it does harm to try and help. Even if a person does not understand or may not have experienced clinical depression, I think that just knowing that someone is trying to help can be uplifting.”

    I wish this were true, but it isn’t – at least not in my experience.

    A person with depression often has a warped perception of themselves and the people around them. Even if you are being empathetic, and speaking from the heart when giving your advice, the depressed person is not likely to see it this way. She may interpret your suggestion as implied criticism, or she may feel guilty that she did not do as you suggest. Even something as innocuous as “I understand how you’re feeling”, said in the most caring tone, can trigger anger and a greater sense of isolation in a depressed person. It’s not enough to present your advice from a point of empathy, not when the person at the receiving end has a problem with perception.

    Added to this is the fact that even the most well-meaning person who has never experienced depression often has no clue what is or is not helpful in fighting this illness. Some of the suggestions I have received are, in fact, dangerous (they made me more suicidal).

    Yes, it really can do harm to try and help when you have no idea how to help.

    Never mind how empathetic or caring you are, or how sincere. If you don’t have any true knowledge of mental illness, you really don’t know what will help and what will not. This is the whole point of Therese’s post here. I have heard any of those 10 things said to me by people who sincerely believed it would help. Every single one of those things only led me closer to the edge. Their well-meaning, sincere and “empathetic” (in their own minds) advice could have pushed me over the line and led to a suicide attempt. I think death is pretty dangerous, don’t you?

    The thing is, it’s not about you. It’s about the person who is sick. It makes you feel better to be able to say something or do something helpful. It makes you feel terrible not being able to do anything. The sense of helplessness is devastating. So the healthy person dishes out advice because saying something is better than saying nothing. Better for them, that is, because it alleviates their sense of helplessness. It’s not better for the sick person, though. In all likelihood, well-meaning but ignorant advice makes the depressed person even worse off.

    If you love someone who is depressed, try to keep this in mind: Don’t assume you know how to fix this, not even if you have had depression yourself (every person’s situation is unique).

    And: Don’t let your need to help get in the way of actually helping. Don’t let your desire to make things better get in the way of actually being truly supportive. Accept that you cannot magically solve their problems nor show them how. Trust me, your loved one would benefit a great deal more from your acceptance of your own limitations in this regard, than in any miracle cure you try to push on them.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Dee

    Dawn’s advice is overwhelmingly true in my experience. Go Dawn! The advice given by another person is entirely about that person in nearly every case, and not at all about the depressed person who, at that point, feels required to sit and listen politely to someone who, without knowing, is just adding another wound to an already wounded human being.

    After I finally admitted to my sister-in-law that I was waging a battle against this illness, she told me how she read a biblical article that explained how one can only “choose their attitude,” and how well that works for her. This advice was given in spite of the fact that she knows I have a degree in psychology (she didn’t attend college), have depression and multiple suicides in my family history, and being entirely aware that one current source of stress(financially, time-wise, and emotionally) for me is a number of problems with her parents and her brother and his wife (not my husband, obviously), in which I ended up trying to be helpful at her request.

    My sister-in-law further explained about her daughter and son-in-law and a situation that could cause them true sadness each day, but how they react in a healthy way, of course implying that I have nothing to be depressed about in comparison to their “truly difficult” situation.

    I was kind to her, but my level of pain and frustration was practically unbearable for the rest of the day. Over and over again, I told myself that her advice was about her and not about me, and that I was going to be okay, but the distress was very difficult to control as I worked and exercised. Going to bed as early as possible that evening and sleeping finally calmed things down for me.

    I am on two medications, I exercise and eat wisely each day, I read uplifting things every morning (including this blog, of course), and I work hard to be positive and kind to everyone each day, so that many people would have no idea of the battle I am fighting and have fought at intervals since I was a child. And, of course, I see a therapist.

    My husband honors my efforts to become healthy again, and likens this interval in our life (and the other two times it has occurred in our 30-year marriage) to a visit from a “dark and unwanted” house guest. He apologized for his sister’s ignorance and her silly advice–And we both still love her, of course.

    I remember my well-intentioned aunt talking to my sister 25 years ago of her religious beliefs and how they would help my sister if she would just believe as strongly as she did. The image etched in my mind is of my sweet sister (she was more angelic than most of us) lying in bed, sobbing, while my aunt held her hand and spoke gently about her “very important beliefs” that would save my sister. Within a month, my sister hung herself.

    I know my aunt meant well, but was, again, just ignorant. However, as I said, that was 25 years ago, and the neuroscientific research on this illness has moved forward tremendously. This causes me to be astounded by the so-called “advice” from the RN above–time for her to get back to school! If she is following her advice she is walking around doing unbelievable harm, and she might as well understand that in her religious paradigm, she is doing the work of the Devil!

    I feel a little better just having written this, and my heart goes out to everyone on this blog who is fighting their own private battle, including you, Therese! You are doing a good thing, and I hope for at least a few minutes, you will know I honor your effort to help all of us!

  • http://GreatList! Mary

    This a very helpful list for folks on both sides of depression. My personal favorite –when I complained of feeling depressed and lethargic after a year of carrying a high caseload of chronically ill patients at work and caring for my parents (including my mother with late stage Alzheimer’s) at home was, “You’re just listening to the voice of Satan.” Sometimes these off-hand comments really mean that the person you are talking to may not have the self-awareness or emotional maturity to cope with listening to another person’s problems. Dismissing the problem as a character flaw is so much easier than love.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Lisa D.

    A friend of mine once told me “You don’t have a right to be depressed.” We weren’t friends much longer.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment gytano

    The cure for some forms of depression are Just a VOTE away !!!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Jauharah

    These days it seems depression is over diagnosed, so I’d certainly be among those that would say “it’s all in your head”. No longer do people have strong coping mechanisms or even the ability to be patient; it’s all about instant gratification and “me first/me only” and when that doesn’t happen they get “depressed”. It becomes worse when others enable those who refuse to accept that the world doesn’t revolve around him or her because they never learn.

    Stress and feeling blue are normal parts of life whether we like it or not; what isn’t normal is failing to help oneself not just come to terms with the issues but rather to get over them.

    When people ask “what do you have to be depressed about?” it’s a valid question. Put your life into perspective. Those that are living in war zones that aren’t of their creation have a reason to be depressed. Those that are living in drought and famine plagued areas have a reason to be depressed. Those who have had their loved ones unlawfully detained in the post 9/11 hysteria have a reason to be depressed. Yet in those cases the people still go about their daily lives as best they can and don’t give up. So again, the question is valid.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment mary

    I sometimes wish that I had a book labeled The clinical Depression Handbook for dummies “what not to say”, to give to people I know. I am not sure that this would even make a difference all in all I just have to go on the fact that they mean well. Then of course there are those that never really try to understand and think that the solutions that work for them in their lives will work for everyone. I sometimes myself do not understand my depression.
    Thanks for this article it is great.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment carolyn

    DITTO- Wendy…..someone to just talk to would have
    help me ALOT in my depressed phase!I like your thinking!
    Thank you for sharing article Therese and all the thoughts
    and comments~helpful!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment corina

    My favorite is . If you want i can start walking with you and maybe that will help you lose some weight and make you feel better! why not just tell if I was’nt so fat I would’nt be depressed!!!! Yes, people are insensitive when it comes to a depressed family member,friend, or co-worker, without realizing THEY MAY BE PART OF THE PROBLEM!!!!!!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment

    My own personal experience with depression. For me, I was not able to put my hand on why I felt so tried, lifeless and not focused. Each day, I took my children to school, returned home and went to bed. Slept for hours and woke up with a headache and just feeling like shit. One day, I decided that I would not go home, but go to the park and lay in the sun. I would sit/lay for hours in the sunlight and try and figure out this feeling of just being sad. I started thinking about people who appeared to be full of energy and loving life. I made a list of what healthy, successful and happy people did each day. For example, They took a shower, comb their hair, got dressed and went out into the world. I sometime couldn’t do the hair or shower, but I would get up and get dressed and go food shopping,visit the library and talk with strangers for hours. I would tell myself, you are happy, you are beautiful and this is a great day! Your children are happy and smart. Don’t let them see you like this,purpose to be healthy. I later enrolled in school and made new friends that was half my age and they appeared to be full of life. I changed my diet and changed my enviroment at home. I brought plants, bright colors, and put on music with instrument only and some foreign languages that I did not understand, but I loved. I walked to school 3 miles 4 days a week. Even when it rained, I walked in the rain, I felt like a pretty little girl. It was not an easy process, but I did make a big difference in my life. I would sit in class and not retain one things from the lecture. I read that if I moved my hands and take notes that my brain would release certain chemicals to help me remember. I also became an active listener asking questions and transferring info from short term memory to long term memory. I graduated from the JC and transferred to the University. I take fun classes, yoga, dance, step aerobics along with my hard classes. Going to school has become a way of life for me. When we are on break, I must get up every morning with a purpose, because those old feeling are always trying to get back in and robe me of my life. My children got advanced degrees, and I am still going to school. I hope this info is helpful to someone who are in that dark place of feeling alone, helpless and lost.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Mirna

    I am not so sure I agree with this post. Having had suffered from an acute bout of depression and anxiety, those are the very same comments I now tell myself. After being in therapy for over two years, I now surround myself with nothing but positive things and thoughts. It is also what I tell family and friends to do when they find themselves fighting those demons. The key is in how I tell them. I found that when I was at my worst, nothing anyone said was of any help, even if it was to tell me I had won a million dollars. It wasn’t until I could switch my brain to process things in a different way, that I started to heal myself. This was trough faith, therapy and a little medication! Now when I start to feel a bit depressed (and yes I can recognize it) I tell myself those very same things you posted. I use it as my swift “kick in the butt” to prevent me from ever falling into that dark hole again. It is a constant effort I must practice daily.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment David Reno

    Your comments remind me of an excellent description of Mrs. Oswald, the mother of the assassin of President Kennedy. One reviewer who read a biography of her described her as “the sort of person who, in a crowded elevator steps on your foot, then whirls around and yells at you for being in the way.”

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment TRH

    I would have to say the diagnosis of depression has went overboard as has any other mental illness diagnosis. We have people, including children, on more rx medications now than before. People are spending more on healthcare to treat all of these “disabling” diagnoses when it’s unneccessary for most. Now, I do believe there are a few people that really fit the bill and need medical care sometimes rx meds, but a lot of people don’t cope well with everyday life stressors and diagnose themselves just enought to get a licensed professional to document a mental illness, thus causing more money to be spent on counseling and medications, perhaps even days missed from work or even leading someone to believe they are disabled and can’t work. All of this happens because people as a whole have given up on coping with life. It means we accept what comes our way and deal with it as LIFE. Life happens and just because a person gets down about some things or thinks their life sucks to no end does not mean they are depressed, but rather in a low mood. What is clinical depression? Whenever we don’t feel particularly happy, does not mean that we are “clinically depressed”. More frequently, we’re responding to sad events, fatigue, or unhappy thoughts, rather then any form of depression. The liberal use of this term confuses a perfectly normal mood swing from the psychiatric syndromes of depression. All of us experience sad thoughts, dejection, and other life experiences which put us in a relatively low mood, but only a limited number experience true clinical depression. Sad thoughts and normal dejection is seldom severe enough to effect daily functioning to a significant degree or persist for a long time. Down-turns in mood can even be beneficial on occasion. Time spent contemplating our life and experiences can lead us to explore our inner selves, our true value’s, and our way of life, and we may often emerge with a sense of greater strength, clarity and resolve. Clinical depression on the other hand has no redeeming characteristics. It brings about severe long-lasting impairment in our daily functioning. Individuals suffering from clinical depression may have an incredibly difficult time carrying on even the most minor of life’s duties and responsibilities.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Frankie Altsman

    My husband and I were grieving the death of our oldest daughter when a man told me, “Well, you have two other daughters”. As though that would make it right. She was the second daughter we had lost.

    That was 32 years ago and I am still depressed.


  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Rick

    So…. What may you say that would be helpful beyond listening, expressing compassion and empathy? I’ve also found that when someone that is depressed gets “better” for the lack of a better word, they may reject those that were there for them. Any ideas?

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Valerie

    Thank you so much for this. I’m going thru a dieing relationship which will be legally over soon. One of the well-meaning but hurtful things I’ve been told is “you are taking this so well”….just because others don’t see me falling apart doesn’t demininsh the terrible pain I feel inside. How am I suppose to act? Some days the pain is more than I can bear- but I do. Other days, I have hope that with or without my marriage, I’ll be ok and rise above this.

  • http://toTRH Dac

    Do you actually have any idea what you are talking about? People with depression need help, not some one to pooh-pooh what they are feeling. Unless you have actually experienced depression, you have no knowledge of how, no matter how hard one tries, one cannot always pull oneself out of the pit of deep dark despair that surrounds one’s every waking minute. Depression is a chemical imbalance, it’s not a matter of having a bad attitude or a weakness of character or lack of faith.And a depressed person does not appreciate being analyzed by everyone that seems to think they know what’s best for them. Professional help makes a big difference, but in the case of medication it can take quite awhile to find the right medication(s) that will work on each person, every individual is different. And there are different degrees of depression. Even the strongest person can be knocked off their feet by depression.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment J. Morgan

    Depression is an epidemic fed by various factors, very common and unavoidable in society. Society at large still holds such topics as: religion, politics, and government among many other unavoidable everyday contributors are often considered quite controversial due to staunch, opposing opinions of each. While it is true, sharing or talking about them to select, trusting individuals helps; depression is not yet fully understood, or accepted in most circles which is obvious by the postings and responses found here. What is now considered a disease by modern medicine is still under stigma of being shunned by others who don’t really understand, mostly people who are optimistic, seemingly happy most of the time; those that don’t have depression or very little of it.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Jerry

    As to the point about not suggesting exercise for fear of offending the depressed person who might get the idea that he or she is ‘fat’ or unattractive: Why not remove any possible misinterpretation? Straight-out cite the physiological/emotional benefits of exercise; the endorphin release that tends to ease pain and boost a person’s mood? There is also an amazingly effective emotional purge that I learned in TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) that might prove helpful.

    Thank you for your interest in helping ease emotional pain as well as physical pain; the two are often linked.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Ellie Dee

    Thanks for this…most people mix feeling blue, with depression. This is obvioius, by the healing methods, some suggest.
    Depression is real, its not just feeling blue. Its not a mood, that can be changed by diet or exerice. Which can effect those who confuse the two. My depression was severe, my healing was restored in a moment..soley by the hand of God. I can only pray for those who suffer the anguish of mental illness. And ask those who want to help, do the same.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Beeca

    Good article I know several people who need to read and reread this…I have people all the time ask me why are you depressed? you have everything…yeah well sorry I have a little problem as much as Id love to be happy 24/7 it won’t always happen…

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Chelle

    Depression is such a difficult thing for all involved, the one depressed and those that love them. I suffered with post partum depression that lasted for about 4 years, my father is bi-polar so lives an up and down battle daily. I realize it’s difficult to hear some of the advice, but try to realize the one’s trying to give you lame ideas to feel better love you and want to see you happy. On that note, I feel recognizing the love in our lives is the best antidote to depression. Depression is a different demon for everyone so there is no right or wrong solution. It is trial and error, however focusing on the don’t and won’t doesn’t help either. Hope, faith, love and committing to yourself are very positive practices that may not solve but certainly help.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Susie

    Thanks for re-assuring me that in my depression I’m not crazy too. I get so upset when my mother, my sister, and even my son say these things. Nothing is more lonely than knowing that no one really understands. The comments do have a reverse effect. Makes me want to stay inside, lock the doors, and never speak to anyone again. My mother and my sister think they have all the answers. My sister has said to me “You don’t know what it’s like to live alone.” She lived with a roommate for about six months, married soon after college, and has been married for 35 years. Never lived alone for one day. I on the other hand have been sadly married 3 times, abused, beaten, and am finally happy living alone. But I guess I can’t take care of myself – that’s why I’m depressed? It may sound funny, but for a depressed person there is no “why”? It just is. I take medication and it comes and goes, and now that I don’t have to know “why”? or try to “fix it” I’m ok with it. I just don’t talk to my family much.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Eliza B.

    Thanks for the article. It’s good to hear your perspective, although it’s maybe a little harsh on people who are only trying to help, but I can relate to the feelings & frustration. Are you planning a second part on things people should say?

    I have manic-depressive disorder. I do many of the things on your list to PREVENT another major depression: 1) exercise – definitely (exercise actually got me OUT of my last debilitating depression, but I was also open to doing exercise, because I knew it would increase endorphins in my brain and make me feel happy, and I wanted to feel happy again); 2) correct diet with little sugar – absolutely; 3) positive thinking (while being realistic at the same time) – need it like water; 4) giving back to the community – yes! I started volunteering, and it helps me feel better. I love helping other people. Other things that can help mild to medium depression: light therapy (seasonal affective disorder is treated with special lamps), anything that makes me laugh or feel happy, like taking care of my cat and hearing her purr. This is just my little trick, but I heard that the act of physically smiling actually makes the body a little more relaxed, so I just smile when I start feeling sad. I think that this trick probably won’t work when someone is in the middle of a major depression, but I wonder if watching a funny movie would help. Norman Cousins claims he cured himself of a major illness by watching funny movies & laughing. Honestly, I haven’t tried watching funny movies when I’m severely depressed, because I haven’t been severely depressed in a long time, thankfully. But I do think that there must be things that loved ones can say and do to help a depressed person to recover some happiness, which everyone needs and deserves. :-)

    And one last suggestion: I think one thing to clarify is that there are different levels of depression, and phases to the illness. So the items on your list might not be helpful to someone who is in the middle of a depression, but they could be helpful toward the end, or to help prevent another one.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Lilia Scites

    At the age of 24, as I sat with my mother at their house; crying and telling her how depressed I was and I didnt know why or what was happening. She told my father as he passed by; only to have him say: “depressed! that’s ridicoulous, what you need is more beltings that’s what you need”.
    Yeah, he belted us alot when we were kids.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Trina

    After reading many of the comments, I think we are missing a key element–and that is the power of God’s Spirit to heal even our most deepest hurts and overcome our fears. Whenever I see a loved one who is battling depression I always pray and ask God to give me the words to say, and how to say it. Sometimes, I don’t say anything at all and I take what they said and pray about it. Sometimes I find myself in a dark corner of depression. Oftentimes, I’ll begin to pray even when I don’t feel like praying, or I’m upset with God. The Bible says if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and heal us. God in his faithfulness will meet you where you are. He created us and knows our human frailty and that we are prone to seasons of sadness. So, God is not angry when we are depressed. The key is to stay in his presence through constant prayer, worship and meditation on the word of God.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Caitlin

    How about this one that I heard all the time when I was going through major depression: “I WISH I had your problems instead of mine!” In other words, “You have no right to feel depressed or talk to me about your depression because my problems are worse than yours. So shut up and stop crying.” Gee, what great support…

  • Uneva

    I was ridiculed, shunned and sexually exploited as a youth. I didn’t share this with anyone verbally, even when I became suicidal, as a teen.

    In my first marriage I was again suicidal.

    In my second marriage, my husband was mentally abusive and schizophrenic. (They call it “bi-polar” now. Just another name for the same illness.)

    Fortunately, between my two marriages, I began to learn that I was worth being loved. I slowly learned to love myself, then those around me. How?? I turned to prayerful scripture study, and learned to know and love the Lord, Jesus Christ. The more I loved Him, the more I wanted to be like Him…and it became easier to love myself, because I knew He did.

    My second husband never admitted that he was schizo…a necessity for a total cure. I spent three years, though, being trained by a very competent and caring psychologist, to totally control his scizophrenia…with no medication. The mental/emotional technniques I learned helped me to successfully hold our marriage together for another 13 years…till he died.

    What was once called mis-behavior, due to lack of proper up-bringing and self-discipline, has now been deemed as a large variety of “illnesses”, that “can only be cured with various medications.” That’s an easy out…for greedy pharmacies and lazy (or ignorant second- and third-generation) parents.

    Psychiatrists are trained to diagnose “illnesses”, and prescribe medications with which to cover up the mis-behavioral symptoms causing them.

    Psychologists, on the other hand, are trained to diagnose mental/emotional challenges, then train individuals and families to change behavior patterns, getting at the base of the matter and solving the situations.

    One…a cover-up. The other…a solution. (No. I’m not a psychologist, nor do I know one. I’m not drummin’ up business for anyone personal…just statin’ facts.)

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Gail

    Amazing. Fairly recently I had a doctor say to me everyone has problems.Then suggested that maybe I should be hospitalized.Needless to say, that took the anxiety to a whole new level.Great article:I would suggest some health care professionals read this one. Afterthought: Maybe my doctor was depressed too!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Chris

    This article makes me feel better, just by knowing that there actually are people out there that do understand. I’ve been suffering with major depression for over twenty years. The worst thing anyone ever said to me was: just suck it up and get over it! That only made me feel more depressed and extremely angry. Over the years I’ve learned that depression is often caused be anger held inside yourself so that is definitely not a good thing to say to a depressed person!

  • http://toTRH Dac

    God made depressed people too. Depressed people are not inferior or flawed as a lot of people label them. There is help. Just don’t stop trying to find it.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment g

    Everyone who has depression has said it all..I have it in a major way with 3 suicide attempts.. and people who don’t struggle with it are CLUELESS and make stupid remarks and suggestions!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Sally

    “Everyone has problems” if I hear that one more time, I may scream. Why do people say that? When I am depressed (and I am a chronic depressive) I can not see beyond my depression. Yes, I am aware that there are people starving, homeless, poverty stricken,oppressed, etc., but being aware that I am more fortunate than them does not help my depression. People, it is a chemical imbalance! No one chooses depression. We all have our demons to fight, sometimes the demons win.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Brooke

    Awesome list. I agree completely.
    Here’s another suggestion: formerly depressed people who have tried every solution you listed and claim that it cured them completely. Reading testimonies like that maddens me more than all of the list items put together. I’m on medicine now and am doing great, but of course that doesn’t count, huh?
    For everyone who has been left discouraged by all of the glurge-filled comments littering the place, here’s a more realistic and relateable one: I’ve never found anything that helped me do more than just rub along. Suicide was constantly on my mind even as I made jokes, practiced hobbies and went for walks.
    Honestly, I feel like I’m reading about people who manage to stop epileptic seizures by thinking happy thoughts!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Joy

    OK – you told us what NOT to say to a person who is depressed.
    So what SHOULD we say to a depressed person that might help them?
    I don’t much appreciate THOU SHALT NOT ADVICE without recommendations on what is better.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Tom

    I couldn’t agree more. Every conversation I have had with someone regarding my depression starts out with “What do you have to be depressed about?” At first I feel guilty. Guilt because on paper I don’t have anything to be depressed about. Plenty of people have it worse. However, even though depression can be triggered by external events, it is also a physiological problem. That’s the struggle. If I was only in a rut when certain life events came up then I wouldn’t be considering my depression a problem. The fact is I have never been truly happy and have been depressed during all of my life’s ups and downs. That’s where the meds come in. They help fix the chemical imbalances, at least for some people.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Joel

    In my opinion, the worst thing you could say to a person suffering from depression or other chronic illness is: “be thankful”

    I personally suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome, which causes depression, and being thankful doesn’t help one bit.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Lily

    Okay, people keep asking what you should say to a depressed person. In my personal opinion, sometimes the best thing a person could do to help is to shut up. STFU, seriously.

    You don’t have the capacity to help just because you want to. My family think that because they care, genuinely want me to get better, etc their advices would magically heal me.

    Professional help does a lot of good, but even that can’t vaporize depression without any struggle. It angers me to see people so confident that they know what is wrong with me and how to fix it. I’m sorry if I sound harsh but if you can’t get it through that arrogant brain of yours that something (like the depression of a loved one) just goes beyond your power to mend you probably deserve every bit of criticism coming your way. I’d rather get pissed off at ignorant people than feel guilt about my condition, which I’ve never chosen to have and would feel glad beyond words to see the back of, because of a few offhand comments.

    Like someone said before, it is about the depressed person, not about the person who is “trying to help”. It may make you feel lousy for not knowing what to do, but sometimes you just can’t do anything about it. So instead of acting out of an ill-advised urge to “help”, you can try to not harm. I can’t just “feel better”. I exercise and eat healthily, but that doesn’t prevent me from wanting to cry for no reason or shut myself in a room for days. I have tried to snap out of it, but after a period of “feeling fine” I have always experienced an intense relapse that saw me sleeping 12 hours a day and contemplating suicide. Even when I was seeing a psychologist, the only thing he admitted to being able to do for me was to listen to my problems and working with me in figuring out how to solve them best. Even in that environment, he agreed that I knew best about myself.

    So please, when I say I am depressed, don’t say that I have nothing to feel depressed about, that I want to feel that way etc. And when I say that you can’t help, you really fucking CAN’T. At least trust me to know what I want.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment corrine bonnett

    my all time favorite comment people make to me when i am depressed about is you just feel this way to get attention and you just need to stop trying to be center of attion and go and find something to do with your self or your friends. that one just makes me all the time mad at the world.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Alyssa

    Wonderful points. The only thing I have to say is that you always refer to the depressed as “she” or “her”.

    Just want to remind everyone that males are just as susceptible to depression as females!


  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Virginia

    You should never tell a depressed person,”Don’t go feeling sorry for yourself”. My sister told me this, and I slammed the phone receiver down.” I didn’t talk to her for 3 months, and when I did finally talk to her, she didn’t even apologize for it. She just said that I gaveheadache!! her a headach

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment cattyface

    If I hear those things from the simple minded self absorbed whiny people that have spoke those words to me in times of crisis I will scream at the top of my lungs.I work with a really dumb lady who says this all the time and “leave your boyfriend” “BPD is not real” the best was “How many personalities do bi-polar and borderlines have?” I look at her through eyes of sympathy now and know she is not bright and is childish.She tells me people that think of suicide ar cowards and attention seeking.If I was more introverted I’d be inside out.I understand that some people think it’s all in our heads and so and so should be depressed not me.Sorry for the rant but I’m getting therapy now more for tolerance on other people’s judgements and idiotic stigmas they believe.I try and stick up and tell people how it feels but they keep insisting they have the cure.I hope they can feel 10 minutes of severe depression or anxiety just so they could stop saying these things at the very least.Peace :)

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Melissa

    Good article. Can you offer advice on what you should say or what to do when you are dealing with a severely depressed loved one. My brother has suffered from depression for years now and I never know what to say to him to him when he is in a dark state of mind.

  • Hasselle from

    Being depressed is truly a big problem. Did you know that depression can be cause of heart attack? Yes, there was once I witnessed a person who is very depressed because her wife left him. Starting that day, he was depressed and got heart attack. I did witness how he suffered from depression.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment DepressionSupporter

    So how do you actually help someone that has depression? talking and/or listening can only do so much when that person doesn’t care about anything, doesn’t get out bed or doesn’t care that they’re alive. They know that help is needed, but are too afraid to trust themselves to get the help. Getting professional help/therapy is key, but this person I’m family with lies all the time about having appointments and even lies that they’ve been to said appointments. so really how do help people with depression if they aren’t willing and determined to try and get help for themselves? It’s a vicious cycle, we as supporters are asked not to say certain things for fear of pushing the person with depression away or pushing them further down the black hole, but yet we watch them suffer everyday and cannot help. do we as supporters leave it up to the person with depression to make their own way to recovery, and figure out when and what’s needed? I’m at a loss…

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment DepressionSupporter

    To Lily (from 2012)…firsly I’ve been to previous appointments with my family member who has depression and the therapist commented that I’m part of her support system and that the best thing I could do is get them out of bed and doing things. This is exactly opposite of your comments that the best thing for us as supporters of someone who has depression is to leave them the f&^% alone and ‘STFU’ when they are suffering…so say I do that and don’t hear or see my family member for long time, how is that helpful? considering the person with depression has thought before that if I don’t call or connect with them, then I hate them and think that they’re a burden (both of which I don’t). What if the person with depression isn’t as strong as you, cannot work because of this, and cannot function at all, improper hygiene, and hoping they get cancer or someone hires a hit man because they are fearful of taking their own lives. this has been this person’s thoughts for years. I’m sticking by them for the long haul, but again my question…do we leave it up to the depressed person to get their own help when they can’t get enough energy to shower? do we hospitalize so they have constant assistance? or simply ignore the depression and STFU?

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment B

    all good suggestions but what should we do if the depressed person tends to lash out in anger. even with a caring innocent comment like these suggestions, every time, it’s like me bringing up the “taboo conversation/elephant in the room” makes her feel like its ok to let her feelings out. which is what i want to help, but when her feelings come out they pour out in a very long lasting outburst/mental breakdown that involves every little bit of her anger and frustration being projected onto me. something like “it makes me sad to see you upset, i’m here for you” triggers her to FLIP OUT with a million and one insults towards me that are completely not true. then later she’ll apologize but still excuse her behavior and stay in denial. and the next time the cycle continues. sorry this is so long but i hope someone has some advice for a situation like this. thanks.

  • kate

    First of all i want to thank kristina for the post she made on how dr khakani helped her in bringing back her lover before christmas.At first when i saw the posting i was so happy and in the other hand so scared,That this might not be real, Then i decided to give it a try in which i contacted dr khakani and told him how my lover left me for another lady for the past 3years and i have been lonely and depressed without him,So i told him if he has helped anyone called kristina and he said yes, that was the lady he helped in bringing back her lover before christmas.i said good and i told him that if he can help me in bringing back my own lover,He laughed and said once i have contacted him that my problem will be solved.He said that my lover will be back to me within 24hours and do an unexpected thing for me. i said really, Truly when the 24hours was completed i got a text from someone saying am sorry then i decided to call the number i saw it was my lover Steve voice.i was so happy he was begging me on phone, That he is ready to do anything that will make me happy in life,So i told him to come over which he did,As he was coming he came with a brand new Car as gift i was so happy and made me had access to his account to prove to me that he is not going to leave me for another lady,Am so happy today and am also thanking kristina for posting this early.Dr khakani you are truly a man of your word. He can also solve any kind of problems in this world. Friends you can contact dr khakani on his private Email khakanibestsolutioncentre12@gmail . com

  • autumn

    i have a question i have just recently learned a lil about understanding depression someone i care for very much is suffering from depression and im afraid that before i knew and understood about this illness i have did the top 10 things not to say or do to someone who is depressed i was never mean i was actually very loving and caring but now i feel that he has retracted from communicating with me as much as he used to. at this point what should i do. i know he cares for me alot

  • autumn

    I just dont know what to do i dont want to make things worse and i dont want to give up on him and he knows that. but at the same time i dont want to be pushy either. I have told him that i want to be here and that i need learn more about this because i care for him and want to be here to help in anyway i can and now its been 3 days since i have heard from him.

  • autumn

    Continued. But i have not heard from him now in 3 days and i dont want to push him and make things worse but i dont want to give up on him either and he knows this. i wonder does he just need some time or if he is just not going to speak to me anymore.

  • Nancy

    I want to share my testimony and also thank prophet Adams for what he has done for me, Am so happy today and i have stopped thinking. After my husband Rick left me for another woman because I can’t give him a baby and that he hates me, i cried because i really loved Rick with all my heart. Then i decided to come online and look for a spell caster to help me bring back Rick, Until God directed prophet Adams to me. When i met prophet Adams i was thinking his not real, But he told me to give him a chance that what will he gain if he adds more pain to my pain,That all he want his my happiness. So i decided to give him a chance, and he told me that Rick will be back to my arms within 48hours and I will be pregnant and have a baby,i said okay truly when prophet Adams casted this spell my lover Rick called me and said he wanted to tell me something i was shocked, He told me that i should forgive him, That he loves me with all his heart and promise never to leave me till the rest of his life. Prophet Adams also told me that ones Rick comes back to me he is going to buy me a gift. Rick Bought me a Brand New Car, And i also had access to his account to prove to me that he will never leave me and now am pregnant. You can contact prophet Adams for any kind of help and he will never disappoint you. His email – dradamsjohnsoncentre12@gmail. com or +2348188192948

  • lorieta

    i never believe in spell casting, until when i was was tempted to try it. i and my husband have been having a lot of problem living together, he will always not make me happy because he have fallen in love with another lady outside our relationship, i tried my best to make sure that my husband leave this woman but the more i talk to him the more he makes me fell sad, so my marriage is now leading to divorce because he no longer gives me attention. so with all this pain and agony, i decided to contact this spell caster to see if things can work out between me and my husband again. this spell caster who was a woman told me that my husband is really under a great spell that he have been charm by some magic, so she told me that she was going to make all things normal back. she did the spell on my husband and after 5 days my husband changed completely he even apologize with the way he treated me that he was not him self, i really
    thank this woman her name is Dr Aluta she have bring back my husband back to me i want you all to contact her who are having any problem related to marriage issue and relationship problem she will solve it for you. her
    email is traditionalspellhospital (AT), she is a woman and she is great. wish you good time.

  • lorieta


  • Rose Marylove

    Thanks to this great man of spirit called Dr Samura which I don’t know how to thank him for the good work he has Don for me and family which I want to share my testimony with to you all so I was married to Hassan Moel and my name is Julie Deshields for six years now he left me with two kids with know reason which I don’t know what to one day i was in my friends place when I exposed my pain to her about my depression which I have be looking for who to help me out of it then my friend called me closer to her self telling me on how she got this great man of spirit who helped her found her way to get her husband back then I ask of his contact she quickly go and get her computer and gave me his Email ID and his number so,that is how I contacted him for a help. And now am so happy with my family and with a happy home if you are in such pain kindly Via Email SAMURATELLERSPELL100@YAHOO.COM or call +2348103508204 have faith in him and he will help you and you can also visit his website
    Julie Deshields.

  • Billioniers Clubs

    my name is Mrs lawrenta pedro,i am from Manchester united,i am happily
    married and blessed with kids,i am a business woman and my husband is
    business man too we both operating provision store, on October 1st 2010 me
    and my husband embank on a trip to South Africa,on our way back,we had a terrible
    accident,that took my husband’s life,while i was rushed to the hospital,by
    god grace,i was still living,after a year and seven month,when my husband
    were passed away,a man came to my house,and ask me to get married to him,
    unknown, that he was HIV positive and i never bordered to conduct a check
    up test with him,before,i accepted him into my life,why,because,he was so
    cute,gentle and handsome young man,he was so caring.i never look at
    him,like one that would be hiv positive.after two year of our marriage,my
    body system began to weak up,all day i feel dizzy and lazy,and i began to
    lose weight as well, so i went for a check up test ,for
    [fever,hiv/aid,malaria],the result, show me that, i am HIV i
    was afraid,that,i would die,so, i were running from hospitals,churches and
    native doctors,searching for cure, because i didn’t want to day i
    went to a pastor’s house,i told him my problem;as i was telling the pastor
    my problem, there was one man which was with us,which i never look at his
    face,the pastor prayed for me,on my way out , this same man,who was siting
    with us,called me,i was like asking myself why this man was calling me, so
    i just manage to wait to hear out what he will say,he told me that,he will
    like to introduce me to this spell caster man, his name is HIOYA,SO
    i JUST SAID thanks and leaved,i never wanted to go and see this man called HIOYA,but a mind,ask me to go for a try,so i went there,i meant him and i explain everything to him,he cast a spell on me and he told me,after two weeks,i should go for a hiv check up test again,after two weeks,i went for the hiv test,which the result shows me that i am now HIV NEGATIVE,whaoooooooo. i was like mad at the hospital,very happy…..if you have any problem you are facing now…..

    love spell
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  • Billioniers Clubs

    I AM VANESSA, i got married to a man [JEROME],who had a wife [JOSEPHINE] already,then i was made the second wife,and this JOSEPHINE has a daughter for my husband,called CHRISTABEL,JOSEPHINE was suffering from leg pain,that later took her life. so Christabel was left to live with me,and my two kids,PATIENCE AND GLORY,Christabel was the eldest of them, so i was misusing CHRISTABEL,SHE is the only one doing all the house work,anytime she dose some thing wrong,i wouldn’t give her food to eat all through the day,and beat her up with anything close to me,but she never worry,or insult me.or report to my husband.because i told her if she did i will kill her,i did this to some extent that,one day,she was on her menstruation period, she was afraid to tell me, she was not having enough cloth,so the only cloth she had she put it into her pant,so that, the cloth would soak the bleeding,and the cloth,i was the one that brought it for her,that the only cloth i ever brought for her,then the following morning i saw her cloth on the ground,with blood stain,i called her,and ask her what is this, she told me every thing, but i beat her up, and force the blood in the cloth into her mouth,i over heard her,as she was crying,cursing me,but never bother to listen to the word she was using,but now my two daughters and my son are yet to give birth,PATIENCE,GLORY AND EXCEL,AT their age[37,34 and 31]but they are married no children,i had gone to many places to know the cause of the problem,and CHRISTABEL WAS LIVING HAPPILY with her husband and four kids, three boys and a girl.i don’t know how my children,came to know about this HIOYA TEMPLE,when they got there, they told them i was the curse of their, problem,so one morning they all came home,and ask me what have i done to disturb their lives,the question sound,funny.i told them i had done nothing to hold their lives back,they cried me,down to this Hioya temple,i saw the man.he ask me what,did i do to some one,over 19 year ago,i forgot everything.i said nothing,HE EXPLAIN WHAT I DID TO ME,and this CHRISTABEL was helping my children with their needs and always come and pay me a visit and she always called me mummy,so this MAN HIOYA told me to go and apologize to her,once she accept the apology,then he will cast a pregnancy spell on my children,we all went to CHRISTABEL’S house and apologize,she forgives me,so they went back to the spell caster, for the pregnancy spell,TODAY PATIENCE CALL ME AND TOLD ME SHE IS PREGNANT,but I haven’t heard anything from the others,maybe they are still angry.with me that’s why they haven’t called me,..THANKS TO DOCTOR HIOYA FOR EVERY THING, IF YOU ARE FACINGS ANY PROBLEM,VISIT THIS GREAT HIOYA VIA [GREATHIOYATEMPLE@GMAIL.COM]]

  • John Barrot

    My Name is Helen, from United Kingdom. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr John has just done for me, this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called Ariel we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email, then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a set of twins, thank you once again the great Dr John for what you have done for me.

    if you are out there passing through any problem like:

    (1) If you want your ex back.

    (2) if you always have relationship problem.

    (3) You want to be promoted in your office.

    (4) You want cure for any disease.

    (5) If you want a child.

    (6) You want to be rich.

    (7) You want people to obey your words.

    (8) If you need financial assistance ETC..

    you can contact his email on PROPHETBAZ34@YAHOO.COM ….

    • ShocksAway

      Quit peddling horsesh*t.

  • solie

    my boyfriend of two years left me for another girl because i accuse him of seen another girl and since then i have been trying to get him but he refuse to come back to me,he was not responding to my call or email and he even unfriend me in facebook and he told me that he is done with me.i was searching on the internet for help and i saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so i decided to give it a try and i contacted him and i explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me and guarantee me of 2days that my ex will come back to me and to my greatest surprise the third day a great miracle fell on me and my ex come back to me on the two days and he beg me for forgivenes, i will continue to publish his name because he is my Savior and we are about to get married.if you need him to help you can email him on;

  • anna

    thank you, this is exactly how i feel when people say these things, even people close to me. one day, someone close to me just sent me a long text, basically saying other people are having it worse and i have it all so stop making excuses. it took me a few weeks to let the hurt pass and be okay again with her.

    another friend close to me knew i was seeing a pdoc and a while later she sent me a long text too, saying that i should pray more and then i’ll be calm and thus don’t need to see the pdoc. i know she has a good intention, but that just made me stop talking about my problems with her totally. it’s like saying a person with cancer should only pray to god so she wouldn’t need meds and/or emotional support, right?

    i think i’m used to people’s reaction by now. it still hurts, but it’s what i expect to hear from them when i tell them my problems (since they told me to share my problems with them, which is like giving a gun to them and trusting them not to pull the trigger but expecting them to). eventually i developed ‘shields’, since most of them did pull the trigger. only two haven’t yet, but the worst can always happen. i have trust issues.

  • GennyB

    My boyfriend has sunk into a deep depression. The job he had decided to close their doors, but they thankfully found him another position with another company. He was supposed to start on Monday. He didn’t go, and he didn’t go Tuesday, nor today. He said he was on ADs but was just about out and was just gonna stop when he ran out, due that he owes $ to his dr. He refuses to go see a counselor (or even a pastor, due to a father wound)- even though i got him into someone who wouldn’t charge him a penny. I know I can’t “fix him”, that he’s gotta want that himself. But i’m beside myself, as I feel as though he’s shut the door on us, and has shut me out. I know anger isn’t how I should respond, but this evening, over the phone, it got so bad that it was just dead silence between the two of us for over 5 minutes. I got so angry, that I finally said, “Fine! Shut me out! If and when you want to talk or see me again, you know how to find me!” And before he could say anything, I hung up. I’m almost in tears, because I don’t know how to reach him. Advice??

  • Evelyn Jeff

    I can’t believe that i was able to get my Husband back who left me and followed another woman, When he left me i almost took my life because i loved him so much and i never believed that he would have done this to me, but i am so happy that the world have people like Dr. Kizzekpe who can use his powers through the act of spell casting to reunite broken marriage and relationship. I actually came to realize this when i saw his email address online and contacted him and to my surprise i was able to get my husband back within 24hours. I must say that through Dr. Kizzekpe my problem was solved. You can contact him through this details …….Bianca Avalon

  • Really

    Why are you still Not Married?

    • Cherlyn Solie


      Hello everyone i just want to share a testimony on how Dr Kala was able to bring my love boyfriend back to me after 2months of separation. My boyfriend was very faithful and nice to me, not until he finally met with another girl who was enticing him with some fake love, and had enchantment on my boyfriend, after some time we started having quarrels for little cases, and at the first time he threatened me that he was going to separate from me, to me i never believed it not until it happened,after my boyfriend park out of the house and never call me or answer my call or reply my text, i became so curious and desperate to have him back at all cost, i tried all mean i could but all fell apart for me, but i try to seek for help in relationship blog and i went in search on the internet on how to get Ex Back, it was there i saw many testimonies of how Dr Kala has helped people with relationship problem, immediately i message Dr Kala on his email (kalalovespell@gmail. com) and i told him everything concerning my relationship he told me not to worry and gave me instructions on what he is to do to bring my partner back to me and all he wanted was for me to have faith in him, really i tried to believe him as he was my last hope, so after everything done by Dr Kala my boyfriend returned to me after 2days and beg me forgiveness, i can just tell how it happened but i am so amaze by his work, friend out there if you need any help for your marriage or relationship you can kindly email Dr Kala on, KALALOVESPELL@GMAIL. COM

    • midge.

      Thats my choice.
      Why invite problems?
      Im more happy with my freedom & my many blessings.

    • Vanesa Parker

      my name is Vanesa. I am really pleased with this service. I am one of those people who said, “I’ll never call a psychic or a magician or whatever” to help me with my problems – least of all my love problems, but I reached the point where I knew I needed some guidance, and I’m so glad I found this man called dr. Osato. I never in a million years would have thought I’d be writing a letter like this, but when I nearly lost my husband in one of our stupid,fights (he broke up with me), I thought I had lost everything.i cry all day and think that he will never come back to me again.i read a testimony by a woman called Britney about him saying that how dr. Osato help her to get back is EX husband within 48n hours.I quickly email him at ( and also he helped me to get back my husband with his love spell. And when I was at my most desperate,he didn’t take advantage of me. You performed a very good service for a person in true need. I don’t know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know is, IT WORKS!! my husband and I are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to dr. Osato email him for any kinds of help is very capable and reliable for help RELATIONSHIPSPELL@GMAIL.COM ..

  • Weygand

    Here’s another 10 things to not say to them
    1. Since you aren’t helping around the house can you at least not make a bigger mess
    2. You realize our son is depending on you
    3. If you’re gonna use the last (insert item here), tell me so I can buy more
    4. If you are too depressed to shower, can I at least hose you down
    5. Hello, I’m asking for your help with picking this out
    6. How is being self-centered not part of your being depressed?
    7. It’s fine that you put no thought into my Christmas and birthday, but does our son deserve that?
    8. Could help me pick up this pile of your dirty laundry in our room you are too depressed to clean?
    9. If you don’t feel like cooking, I can do it
    10. You have insurance, make an appointment to get help with your depression

    • azev

      These are all logical questions, get over the sensitivity. What are people supposed to say?

  • Lydia laures

    I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back. I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when I meet a friend that introduce me to DR Olawole the great messenger to the whole world who God has given him the grace to help people in their relationships, I narrated my problem to DR Olawole about how my ex love left me and also how I needed to get a job in a very big company. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were I will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what i need to do, After it was been done, In the next 2 days, My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness, I was called for an interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director.. I am so happy and overwhelmed that I have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR Olawole at the following email address and get all your problem solve.. No problem is too big for him to solve. Contact him direct on: And get your problems solve like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:

  • Derek Rivers

    As at this the month last year my life was a mess i lost everything my wife, my job, my house and even my kids it was really bad that i had to go live with my father. First, i lost my job as a result of covering the bad things my best friend committed and there after everything fell to pieces. My family fell apart i fought with my wife always over every little thing i remember we fought over the fact that my credit card was declined a the shopping mall she was well aware of our situation, that is how i lost my job and all that. I think what made her most mad at me, was that i lost my job because i was protecting my friend. Then i started defaulting on my mortgage payment i could not pay up, i could not pay my bills every responsibility in my house was on my wife. She could not do it all alone she need me to be the man of the house and i failed her and my kids. I was ashamed to call myself a man. Then the worst happened, the bank took my house and my family were thrown out. Once again my wife just felt disappointed in me she could no longer take it she had leave me took with her our kids. I became a confused man with nothing to live for. I started drinking and smoking heavily to top it all i had to move in with my father. I had to listen to him all the time telling me how disappointed he was at me. It was like i was blacklisted by every company here in the United State no one wanted to heir me even with my experience and how good i was with what i do it was impossible for me to get a job i had to do odd job to fund myself and move around town. My wife would not even let see my kids she did not want me around them. She thought i was a bad influence on them. But i was given a reason to keep living by a spell caster named Obudun Magonata. He help me get a new job in my own field and helped me get my wife back. I must be honest here i was never a fan or believer of all this kind things that has to do with charms and spell i always thought they were sham. Obudun Magonata showed me the other side of spells the good side of it. I will count myself lucky to have found him and get this ironically, i found his address on the internet by chance. I was not even going through anything related to spell i was looking for jobs and then stumbled on a couple of comment about him and how he help people. I only called him when all my options failed he was my last card and he just clicked. Obudun Magonata cast a Good Luck spell for me and also a Love Spell to get my wife back. Honestly i gave him money to help me get the materials for the spell which he did. He did not ask i pay him for the service rendered. He told me his spell casting gift was free hence he help people for free. He also told me after i get my new job in two months i will be promoted to executive manager and it all happen all what he told me happen. He told me he was going to make my wife come back even when see started seeing another man and that this time she was going to be mine forever through any crisis. My family has never been this happy since Obudun Magonata help me repair my life with his wonderful spell. If any of you reading this want anything in this world that seems impossible to get, i will tell you to contact Obudun Magonata with this email spiritsofobudunmagonata@(yah oo). com i think and i know he is the quickest road that leads to where you find happiness and all the best things in life…rewrite this email in its real format to use

  • Alan Pratt

    Need a spell caster?then think of Dr Otis Darko he is real reliable and he does what he promise you.I know all this because he helped with my marriage problem.For security reason i will not live my name here but i can tell you all he did to help me.Me and my family live in the US military base here in America,my wife is a solider and i love it that she is and i support.But being a solider means she is half my wife and fully the U.S army.before her three tour we were so in love and we had a kid son who we both love him.It all changed after her two tour in Iraq and Afghanistan,i noticed the distance her second tour she stopped call at first i thought maybe she was part of an accident but i found out that she was OK in Afghanistan.She explained that she always on patrol.It got ugly on the third. I guess in the last two tours she found herself a new lover and then totally forgetting me and our boy.I can not say i did not notice because she always has to be some where instead of with me,coming up with some silly excuse not to be with me that is ( have sex ) and her entire behavior told me all i needed to know. i did my research and i had a hint that it was her squad lieutenant. I had know evidence so a could not take the matter to any body.It killed me to seeing this happen i was going suicidal.What hurt me the most was she going home knowing that i suspect she infidelity,she kept lying to me over and over again.The power of positive thinking helped me a lot.I thought that maybe i can find in the help on the internet with the people who had being in the same problem with him.I found a lot of ways but nor worked except Dr Otis Darko spell.At that time five month ago i was so confused that i could do anything to get my wife back so i contacted Dr Otis Darko with his email address i saw in some comment on the internet at I laid down my problem to him and told him the entire story and he even confirmed my hint was right, how he did i do not know but he was right because my wife told me later after the spell was made effective. Dr Otis Darko cast a spell on them both do not know what he did but it seem he made them both forget they ever crossed path romantically speaking like they never know each other expect there official relationship that is squad leader and solider.I owe my life to DR OTIS DARKO what he did saved my marriage.I can tell you this because i have tried and it worked for me.Your case also have a solution with Dr Otis Darko contact him with his email……………….. YOU CAN ALSO ADD US UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136

  • Martha.k.Jones

    This is the only i can help all those with relationship issues that is by tell my story how and what caused my marital problem and how i was able to retore and save my marriage and made my husband love with selflessly after all the heart ache. Upon all that i claim to know about this world and its forces,only recently i got to understand that i really don’t know anything about anything. #This world is bigger and meaner that how we picture it ti be. #I mean where your own sister can have an affair with your husband with the intention of wanting to take your place and your family and still can say she loves you to to your face is pretty mean.I am glad met Obudun Magonata an enchanter at the time i did because i would never had confirm my suspicion about my husband and my sister. #He help me uncover the truth that was withheld form me with his enchantment and his advice on how to go about the issue and how to get back my husband and save my marriage. #My husband unfaithfulness was not new to me, i knew he always cheating on me with other ladies but he always came back to me no matter what he always did. As much as i could, i try a lot not to think about all he does because nothing hurts more than knowing that your husband is having an affair with someone else because she is younger or more sexy or thinks she is a better lover than you that bore his children. I could not leave because i loved him and knew he loved me too somewhere in his heart. We have been like this for six years now and wouldn’t have been able to say i was the happiest woman alive because really as much as we are talking about happiness i never knew marriages had happily ever after. #Yeah some may say there is no such thing but believe me there is and Obudun Magonata helped me find it. I notice during our time together that my husband only get too careful when he is getting close to someone i may know or know most women know what i mean. Like he want to make you see he doesn’t have anything connection to that person but act it too much to make you realize that something is actually going between them and the person in question. It was my secret to know what he is up too when he is around ladies i know or may have just seen for the first time. that was how i knew my sister and my husband were up to something. But my sister being smart knew i had my suspicion did all in her power to hide the truth from me. I hoped to the blue sea that i was wrong that that nothing was going on being that my suspicious heart was playing with my head. #I could not confirm it but in my heart i knew they were having an affair. I did all the framing of question stuff about cheating spouse and asking if she could do that but really no one fall for that. I could not confront her when i knew nothing because growing up we learnt before pointing a finger at family you must to bent sure about the situation and i was not sure or at least i nothing really that told me my thought are true. All my effort went south and my private investigator got nothing at all don’t know how that even happened. I explored all other option that failed also. But then ,for the first came across some comments in a lot of forums talking about an enchanter Obudun Magonata and the things he had done to help people and how it all worked out for them, contact him and pleaded with him to help me out. I needed to know what my husband and sister were up to. He confirmed that they were not only having an affair but she wanted my husband to leave me to be with her leaving me her sister heart broken in so may ways. He told me how they met and where they met that made my private investigation fail. #And upon what Obudun Magonata told me i cut and their affair was all out in the wind.It broke my heart to know my husband and mostly my sister could really get involved with my husband. I mostly my sister i mean out of all the men in Chicago you pick your brother-in-law? i was hurt sad and mostly mad at my sister. #Cos i love them both unconditionally how hard was it for them to love me back. Even with all that was going on my husband told me he was not sure if he still love me after 6 years o our marriage. I knew he was leaving me for my sister he thought she was a better love than i was and there was nothing i could do about it at least that was what i thought. After so many hours of talking on the phone with Obudun Magonata tell him how i still want to save my marriage and wanted my husband to love me as i do him,he asked me put my hopes on him he was going to do an enchantment for me to fix all my problem. I provided some materials was needed for the enchantment as i was directed to do. He did the enchantment and i got a package from him its content was of how i as going to make the enchantment work and become effective. I follow every instruction and just after four day they ended their affair and grew this kind of dislike for themselves it was all over the place everyone could see what happened and as surprised as i was, i was also glad the enchantment also made my husband love be back selflessly just as did and still do. #Obudun Magonata change my husband, made him mine again and help me fix my life. Obudun Magonata is my hero i mean i am forever in his debt but still he did not ask anything from me. Please Note all that was require of me was materials for the enchantment of which was able to get so he help me with the to cost i sent to without any form of persuasion. If you contact him for help maybe you will also need some materials for the enchantment. You can us this address to contact { SPIRITSOFOBUDUNMAGONATA “@” YAHOO . COM } rewrite email to standard form. This is not forever one to read who ever reads this comment and relate to it fine but if you don’t well move on do not waste your time on it ok. Just saying to avoid misunderstanding.

  • Fran

    I have a sister who is 70. She was diagnosed with depression and given a RX for meds to help w/it. She sees a dr but she doesn’t do what she is supposed to do to help herself. She wants everyone else to help her. She has financial issues and won’t spend the money on medication but charges over $500 on clothes she does not need yet she is filing for bankruptcy but wants to keep a few of her many credit cards. She refuses to sell her condo and simplify her life. She cries all the time. My other sister and I have told her we will help her but she needs to help herself first and she just won’t carry thru w/anything. I have stepped back because there is really nothing I can do. When she contemplated suicide years ago I called the police and they had to take the door down to get to her and she has yet to forgive me for that. I have given her the tools to help herself but she just won’t do anything about it. Her driving is eratic and has 4 accidents in about 4 months. She always blames someone else for her mishaps. She is constantly throwing important papers away, losing things, forgetting things and my other sister and I are wondering if maybe she is having other issues as well such as dementia or something to do w/the brain. What can we do to help her short of getting a court order which will estrange us forever I am sure?

    • Barbara

      What I would personally do:
      1st A FULL medical exam. Years ago my Mom’s fridge and freezer was filled with “white” foods ( and after hearing her tell her MD that she was following his instructions I took pictures and showed them to him before they went into the exam room on her next visit. She was angry but after the visit said I was right to do it but never do it again.
      2nd would be her MD’s “chat” about further, ahem, “neurological” tests due to her age. My Mom’s MD did this and it worked like a charm, though Mom was resentful at the time. This is to find brain and other neurological issues and possibly get your sister’s driver’s license suspended before she kills (herself – a child – another human – an animal, etc.)
      3rd would be any and all possible recommendations from the above,

  • Bintou Sabau

    thank God for this wonderful man called dr Usobo who were able to save my relationship with his love spell, my partner was a real cheater and told me he did not love me anymore so i have to use love spell that make him to fall back in love with me never before. he now love and cherish only in case you also need help contact him now OR

  • Alibaba Spiritualtemple

    Husband from the pit of hell!
    I am MARY JONES I got married to a man who claimed to be born-again and a member of the Apostolic Faith Church. “He uses me as his ‘punching bag’.but atually he was not like this,when i got married to him,On two occasions, he has beaten me till I had miscarriage. He sleeps around with women,he doesn’t bring money for anything in the house. “Still, he is a very devoted church-goer and avid believer in our Lord Saviour.i threated him by telling him,that i want to divorce him,he apologies to me and said,he will never try it again,that it is the of the devil,still yet every thing get worst,at times he doesn’t come home at night,while anytime he come’s home,he dose not talk to me,no touch at all,i have reported him to his parent still yet no changes,so i discuss the issue with my friend,she introduce me to a woman,called doc vivian,we even went to her place together,i explain every thing to her,she told me what to do,i did them all,she said go home my daughter, it is well, i was surprise,i said ma what about the problem i discuss with you,she said go home,we went home,i was surprises that my children told me that their daddy ask of me,i was so surprise that i dont no what to say,i just ask them were is he now, they said he went out,when he came back home,i was surprise that,he asked me for food,till now my husband is a caring man,he has change totally thanks to doctor AKUZA VIVIAN,are you facing any issue with your marriage or any thing else please add her on facebook[Doc Aziza Vivian],email []discuss your issue with her,she is understandable and her works are garantee……

  • Alibaba Spiritualtemple

    My Husband from the pit of hell!
    I am MARY JONES I got married to a man who claimed to be born-again and a member of the Apostolic Faith Church. “He uses me as his ‘punching bag’.but atually he was not like this,when i got married to him,On two occasions, he has beaten me till I had miscarriage. He sleeps around with women,he doesn’t bring money for anything in the house. “Still, he is a very devoted church-goer and avid believer in our Lord Saviour.i threated him by telling him,that i want to divorce him,he apologies to me and said,he will never try it again,that it is the of the devil,still yet every thing get worst,at times he doesn’t come home at night,while anytime he come’s home,he dose not talk to me,no touch at all,i have reported him to his parent still yet no changes,so i discuss the issue with my friend,she introduce me to a woman,called doc vivian,we even went to her place together,i explain every thing to her,she told me what to do,i did them all,she said go home my daughter, it is well, i was surprise,i said ma what about the problem i discuss with you,she said go home,we went home,i was surprises that my children told me that their daddy ask of me,i was so surprise that i dont no what to say,i just ask them were is he now, they said he went out,when he came back home,i was surprise that,he asked me for food,till now my husband is a caring man,he has change totally thanks to doctor AKUZA VIVIAN,are you facing any issue with your marriage or any thing else please add her on facebook[Doc Aziza Vivian],email []discuss your issue with her,she is understandable and her works are garantee……

  • Alibaba Spiritualtemple

    My Husband from the pit of hell!
    I am MARY JONES I got married to a man who claimed to be born-again and a member of the Apostolic Faith Church. “He uses me as his ‘punching bag’.but atually he was not like this,when i got married to him,On two occasions, he has beaten me till I had miscarriage. He sleeps around with women,he doesn’t bring money for anything in the house. “Still, he is a very devoted church-goer and avid believer in our Lord Saviour.i threated him by telling him,that i want to divorce him,he apologies to me and said,he will never try it again,that it is the of the devil,still yet every thing get worst,at times he doesn’t come home at night,while anytime he come’s home,he dose not talk to me,no touch at all,i have reported him to his parent still yet no changes,so i discuss the issue with my friend,she introduce me to a woman,called doc vivian,we even went to her place together,i explain every thing to her,she told me what to do,i did them all,she said go home my daughter, it is well, i was surprise,i said ma what about the problem i discuss with you,she said go home,we went home,i was surprises that my children told me that their daddy ask of me,i was so surprise that i dont no what to say,i just ask them were is he now, they said he went out,when he came back home,i was surprise that,he asked me for food,till now my husband is a caring man,he has change totally thanks to doctor AKUZA VIVIAN,are you facing any issue with your marriage or any thing else please add her on facebook[Doc Aziza Vivian],email []discuss your issue with her,she is understandable and her works are garantee……

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