Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

The 10 Red Flags of an Emotional Affair

10 red flags of an emotional affair.jpeg

I found this piece by Jeff Herring last year. Now Beliefnet has made it into a nice gallery for the Emotional Affairs Resource Page. To get to The 10 Red Flags of an Emotional Affair, click here. It begins ….


Married people or people in serious relationships aren’t immune from the human need for close, meaningful friendships. But sometimes, especially when those friendships are with people of the opposite sex, those relationships feel more like intimate companionship than bosom buddy-hood. If left unchecked, such relationships can evolve what is known as “emotional affairs.”

In this gallery, syndicated relationships columnist Jeff Herring identifies 10 “red flags” that signal when a relationship is leaving “just friends” territory and veering into uncharted waters.

Click here to continue.

  • pastfirst

    An excellent site.
    People in a loving, fulling relationship are unlikely to cross the line.
    I have male friends and it hasn’t occurred to me to sleep with them. (Although it may have occurred to them). My friendship is almost brotherly/sisterly or fatherly/daughterly. I call them for advice and vice-versa.
    I suppose red flags do exist, but it’s possible to keep away from them.

  • nelson

    yes you are doing the right thing by moving on & find someone who would like to got married to you. to have an happy life with you

  • nikki

    i feel that u can have friends of the opsite sex it is up to u to no wear u goin with it my husband cheated on me numours times and i just found out and now he always said she was a friend and a sister role trust no lover with a friend i want no more when i find mr write lol

  • Martha

    Most people who have affairs suffer from low self esteem. If you can’t get what you want from the person who you say you love then there is a responsibility to do something about it–get professional help or leave. Many people make mistakes but it is important to forgive yourself and try to do better so that it doesn’t happen again. People can’t fill the empty hole in you—it is your responsibility. It may feel good at the time but only creates more of the bad feelings about yourself.
    Beware of men and women who don’t have good friends of the same sex—they sometimes expect another man or woman to fill the hole and if it can’t be filled they move onto the next victim.

  • Your Name

    when you are a person that has been cheated on you can`t blame yourself.You just have to realize that people cheat for many reasons.It doesn`t neccesarily mean that you didn`t satisfy them and it doesn`t mean that they are insecure either.Everone makes mistakes but when you are truely IN LOVE with someone you don`t even think of being with someone else cause they are all yiu think about. You can`t help who you love but you also can`t make them love you if they don`t. You can`t make a heart feel love just because you want it to.It has to come naturally.And you should never keave the one you love for the one you like cause they will leave you for the one they love.Just loving someone isn`t enough you both have to truely be in love with each other.The sad thing is not many people know what it means to be in love and actually have the one they know they are gonna spend the rest of their life with.Someone that when you lay your head on their chest you realize that your heartbeats are one and the same and match each others.noone knows what they have till it is gone.Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the ones that treat you right and forget about the ones that don`t.Believe that everything happens for a reason.If you cheated and you get the chance to make it right grab it with both handsa.If it changes you life let it. Nobody said life would be easy for anyone, they just said it would be worth live each moment for exactly what it is and nothing else, no expectations.And know in your heart that everything WILL work out for you when you least expect youself and in time others will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

  • JJMartin

    Of course everybody knows that a man and a woman can’t be friends without wanting to have sex….what a load of horse hockey! Amazing that in the 21st Century such neanderthal thinking still exists. I can assure you from first-hand experience that the term “Emotional Affair” is the property of spouses with serious insecurity issues, sleazy divorce lawyers, and psychologists eager to make a buck off an insurance company. I was accused of having “emotional affairs” with every female I knew, no matter their age, marital status, or any other factor. And to add insult to injury, these clowns had the audacity to call themselves “Good Christians!” Men and women can be friends, even close friends; I have found that sometimes there are issues that I can discuss with a woman that I could not discuss so readily with another man. It doesn’t mean that we are having an affair, or eager to get into each other’s pants. Anyone ready to accuse their spouse of having an emotional affair should start by taking a long, hard look at themselves, before they smear the good name of the people they accuse.

  • katie conroy

    I have had an affair twice and I always lie to my mates about it. But I tell the biggist mouth in the school. I just cannt help myself. I am the biggest flirt.
    Please Help!!

  • Maggie

    To JJ,
    Me thik thou protesteth too much!!!!! It is your archaic way of thinking that makes women look bad. If you are in a committed relationship you should be able to talk to your partner about anything and everything. If you can’t then find a friend of the same sex and talk to her. You sound like a perpetual Professional victim. Always being accussed of having inappropriate relationships. Perhaps you should look deeper into the scriptures and yourself and really open up your heart and mind and realize that if anything you say or do with a person of the opposite sex that you would not do if your partner were present is WRONG. The actual term is EMOTIONAL AFFAIR.
    You need some serious Counseling!!!!

  • Your Name

    Problems in marriage are so deep. Fact is, we are human, and we are prone to be tempted and sometimes give in to temptation, then, we have sinned. Is is that simple. It was a rare example of anyone in Scripture able to avoid all temptations of all sin, only Christ. David did a grave fault with Bathsheba, and His house suffered of it. But, God did not destroy him; he was a man after God’s heart. There is something about sin, sin that is acknowledged and after realizing it, we repent and are closer to God than we knew would be possible! Marital problems happen for as many reasons as marriage. I have known men and women who had the hell beat out of them emotionally, spiritually, or physically, or they suffered such neglect! Neglect looks easier to accept than the others, but it destroys. Then if they took up with someone or filed for divorce and remarried (maybe into a happy existence) they were chastised forever. Consequences really come in the form of unforgiveness. When we repent, and mean it, God forgives, clean clear through. Yet those bitter and angry friends, former spouses, family, especially Christian, never give up. They are relentless in placing shame, blame, guilt, gossip, concflict,sometimes for the lifetime of the repentant. Jesus requires us to forgive as He does and that is totally! We cannot say we forgive, that is if we even consider forgiveness, and continue to beat someone up over a past sin. Divorce is a sad, sad thing. But, marriage to the wrong person without having seeking God’s guidance is just as bad. I do not uphold divorce, it is way out of hand today, yet when there is misery that is not ever resolved, I cannot expect someone to stay in a marriage. Yes, JJ, men and women can be very close friends. I have men all around that are friends, but you better believe it: We all know the minute that any relationship crosses an emotional boundry, and that is the time to run for your life before anything else happens. If we don’t, then what follows will not be pretty, trust me.

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  • my name

    I think that one can be friends with the opposite sex, but I also agree with those warning signs. When your friendship crosses those lines, you need to re-evaluate. Is the friend playing a role your spouse should fill?
    But here’s what has me confused: what about friendships with the same sex? Some of those characteristics are common (e.g. sharing deep emotions or problems, wanting to tell them first). How many times does one hear or read “my female (male) friend understands me better than my husband (wife)”? Are those kinds of relationships in danger of becoming like an ’emotional affair’? Are they supplanting a role your spouse is supposed to fill? And if your spouse is unwilling to serve that role, is the only legitimate substitute a professional (paid?) counselor?

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  • shoestop10

    I think that one can be friends with the opposite sex, but I also agree with those warning signs. When your friendship crosses those lines, you need to re-evaluate. Is the friend playing a role your spouse should fill?
    What you said is very useful.I agree with you!

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  • CK

    If you feel that way about your therapist, is it transference or an emotional affair?

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