Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

Elvira Aletta: I’ll Cry If I Want To


I loved the post by Dr. Eliva G. Aletta on about crying. I find it comforting to hear a shrink say that she cries too. (I thought they were immune?) Elvira gives us some history on her philosophy on weeping …

Flashback to sixteen years old when I was desparately trying to get my Dad to understand why I was so angry with him. Today I can’t tell you what I was upset about. What sticks with me is the ‘Aha’ moment when my Dad told me to Stop Crying. Totally frustrated I said, “I cry, that’s what I do. Please just listen to what I’m saying.” And miracle of miracles, he did. 


What I learned from this episode:

* I was done apologizing for my tears. Growing up I was constantly told crying was a weakness and to cut it out. Well, to hell with that.

* Crying has its cathartic quality but sometimes it can also be more of a reflex of the fight or flight variety, like shortness of breath or an increased heart rate.

* Some of us have a low tearfulness threshold and those who don’t have to put up with us and love us anyway.

To continue reading her post, click here.

  • momnibuss

    For some reason, I have been eating up today’s entries, even reading all linked articles in entirety. What’s strange is that I tend to hate to cry, particularly the drawn-out bawl. Tearing up certainly comes easily; Hallmark commercials always get me and I’m the red-eyed one in the bright movie theatre restroom after the dark isolation of the movie. The real, true cry always gives me a sinus headache however, so I’ve learned to avoid it. Now I’m thinking maybe I should get something done about my sinuses, so I can cry and get those benefits. I have my own share of other illnesses besides depression that stress has a part in, being hypothyroidic and hypertensive. Something so simple and natural to get rid of stress sounds good to me! PS I think we share the same bithdate. If so, Happy Birthday Eve (in 15 minutes)!

  • Larry Parker

    But there’s an ENORMOUS difference in how society treats men and women crying. Given the link between crying and depression, that can’t be ignored.
    People looked at me funny in the movie theater (even the WOMEN WHO WERE CRYING!) at the heart-rending conclusion of “Marley and Me.” So you can imagine why my only all out bawling sessions happen every 5 years or so — during mini- or maxi-breakdowns — and are accompanied by sobs so far down from the depths of the soul they must be out of the Jungian or Freudian unconscious.

  • Blueartcat

    I couldn’t cry for 11 years, after my brother murdered my father. The tears shut off the moment I was told (wasn’t a big crier before that, but I could). After alot of work with a gifted therapist, and processing the trauma, I can cry again. And I often sob deeply, all those tears that couldn’t come so many times before. It first came when I was alone, and took months to be able to do it WITH my therapist. Now, I feel one of the greatest gifts someone can give is a soft body to cry into.
    Larry, you go ahead and shed those tears! So great that you are that in touch with your emotions.

  • dIANE

    ‘you’re just too emotional!” That is how I was described by my FORMER Nursing supervisor.. I dunno.. a nurse who shows NO emotion at the death of a nursing home resident is the strange one… NOT ME!

  • Debora Waddell

    I believe that there is an actual “gift of tears”. I have always had the ability to cry easily. I find myself crying over a good book, a tear jerker movie, a good soul searching sermon, and the inevitable torrents at times of family sorrow. I also have found tears to be healing both physically and emotionally. And although at times I have found this “gift” to be annoying and aggravating, it is something I would never ask to be taken from me, because I feel that it is a gift that helps me to identify with the weary and heartbroken. I also consider that if men felt that they could cry that they would benefit much the same way that women do from crying, and last but not least if they had this release from some of the day to day grind that they would live longer. And in closing crying is never a weakness, but a measure of true strength.

  • marymargaret

    I cried for a year and a half,which is miraculous as I have dry eyes!
    The tears rinsed the mind-mud out of me.

  • Cris Hicks

    I finally started taking Prosac for my depression and it has been a Godsend. One thing it has done for me is that I no longer cry when I am angry or nervous. That has helped a lot in the “business world” in which I move every day. Imagine walking into the boss’ office to negotiate a raise or a promotion and start leaking tears. Not a good picture, is it? Would YOU give that blubbering fool a corner office?

  • Association Management

    Hollywood will be crying while we believe that treatment is necessary in practice. The company focuses on complete treatment Kleenex ad campaign in the street on a red couch with a man crying in the box of tissues everywhere.
    Association Management

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