Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

Rules for Date Night

1. No kid talk
2. No eavesdropping
3. No fighting
4. No flirting (with other people)
5. No whining or crying
6. No flatulence or incontinence
7. No technology (cellphones, BlackBerries, iPhones, or iPods)
8. No interrupting
9. No belching, spitting, or vomiting
10. No heavy boozing or pot-smoking
11. No blogging about it
12. No Christmas sweaters, polyester dresses, or ratty underwear

  • SkipChurch

    But ratty underwear is such a turn-on!

  • 712Kearney

    Ratty underwear????? I almost choked I laughed so hard.

  • cathy

    My daughter’s daycare is offering Parent’s Night Out this Friday. I asked my husband if we should take advantage of it this time around. He said, “Well, do you have any ideas…?” I said, “Well, we could use the time to paint a room downstairs (part of our endless remodeling project).” And he just laughed.
    No date night for us this month. Maybe next month. Every ounce of our energy is getting sucked into this house.

  • Margaret Balyeat

    As a (unhappily) divorced woman, I can’t stress enough the importance of establishing a “date night” all of our married friends who followed that practice remain married toda even though they’ve had their “rough patches” and, sorru. Cathy, projects don’t count! It’s important to nurture(rekindle?) the romantic spark that led you to the altar in the first place. Would you have considered painting a room an acceptale date activity during your courtship years? OF COURSE NOT! You might have helped one another around your respective homes, but not at the expense of other, nore social activities. It’s hard to remain “romantic” when you eschew the very kinds of shared experiences that attracted you in the first place! And, Skip. “ratty” and “sexy are NOT synonyms! (Maybe you need a field trip to Victoria’s Secret?)

  • Larry Parker

    Re. #6:
    You know, Therese, EVERYONE toots.
    Now, being loud and disgusting about it, or (ahem) having an accident, is an entirely different issue.
    But you can’t forbid someone from passing gas. You might as well forbid Mother Nature.

  • Wisdum

    The opposite of inflate is flatus (or out-flate)… (you don’t want to be doin any inflating around any out flating … if you catch my drift !) Another thing, don’t forget what you just inhaled into your lungs just came from !
    My mother alWays taught me, when I went out “Don’t get in trouble ! … and wear clean underwear !” … That’s like having an insurance policy, everytime, I didn’t have clean underwear, I ended up in the hospital for one reason or another … go figure !
    Been married 36 years (together 40) the only thing I insist on from my wife is clean underwear ! I do have a problem with my wife about dressing up when we go shopping … I say “What! You think they’re gonna give it to us cheaper if I’m dressed up ? I think it’s more likely if I’m dressed like I’m destitute !”
    LUV 2 ALL

  • cathy

    Margaret, my marriage has been doomed for a long time, then. We are so overwhelmed by being older parents to our toddler and the massive remodeling project we have going, that the very idea of “trying” to have a night out together this season seemed absurd.
    We have no energy to “try” anything right now. My dream is to have a grandparent swoop in and recognize that my husband and I need a little time for our relationship and give us a day or something.
    But, because we’re older, our parents are older, too, and no one in our realm has any extra energy for an intelligent, active toddler.
    I agree with you 100%. I just don’t know how to implement. I also need someone by my side while I interview on-call caregivers. I don’t know how to find a babysitter. The daycare situation — two days a week — was hard enough for me — hypervigilant, PTSD person that I am.
    Man… I thought I could respond lightly to this, but now I’m crying. It’s okay. Good to know this touched some nerves. I need to pay more attention to this area of my life… :)

  • Margaret Balyeat

    Cathy: I certainly didn’t mean to bring you to tears! I understand the whole isue of parenting as an older individual. Nor was my response to you meant to imply that EVERY marriage which doesn’t practice date nate will end up in the courtrooms across America. I just think the inverse of that tends to be true; that those who DO(or CAN, if you will, take the time to nurture the romantic side of their coupling are less likely to find them selvessitting on those hard wooden pews without kneelers wondering how on earth they arrived at that destination.I’m sure there are other wqually effective and perhaps less time-cnsuming
    techniques that can keep the sparks alive. Just try to remember that if you allow that spark to butn down to only an ember it’s more likely to burn itself out. (Embers, by very defination tend to do that)
    Try to be creative in terms of an alternative to a grandparent swooping in with fully- attuned radar to give you and your husband some much-meeded one-on-one time. (Another mother (or fathe)r from your daughter’s preschool perhaps; one you could reciprocate with at aother time. The fact that you’re open to “…maybe next month…” tells me that your marriage may not be as “doomed” as you think! Marriage and divorce are opposite sides of the same coin, so don’t give up on that fuiture possibility. There might be a younger person at your church who would be willing to develop an “adaptive” relationship” or ” with your daughter too. daughter, too. Honorary “grandparenting”(or “aunting or “uncling” for that matter has it’s own set of rewards for everyone involved; I do it myself with the grandchildrem of a good friemd since my son and his future bride have decided that they aren’t going to have children. because of my paralysis, they come to me instead of the reverse, but we ALL(including the “real” grandmother) reap the benefits of theextendedrelationship(s)! I get more than I give by including these precious children in my life, and the parents and my friend gain a little bit of help with the commitments of child-rearing. It certainly wouldn’t hurt to ask. If the one-on-one time doesn’t pan out, at least try to find other small ways for you and your husband to “bank the fires” I know a couple of couples (how’s that for a strange use of words, I?) who make a point of touching base frequently throughout the day through fo-no-specific reason-except that I love-and miss you” phone calls or leaving little notes for their partner to “discover” during their absence, placed in strategic places where they’re sure to be found. I don’t mean to be {practicing without a license here, but if the mere thought of your marriage being “doomed”can bring you to tears, that indicates to me that you still have at least a “pilot light” burning. Try not to let it go out.

  • Terrie

    …and may I add, “No endless discussion of ex-spouses faults.” I’d almost rather endure hearing public flatulence!

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